


An Animal's Grace

by midnightmorningcoffee



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, F/M, I think I would consider this grey fic, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mention of past partners and relationships, New York City, No Pregnancy, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phone Sex, Porn Watching, Public Blow Jobs, Public Sex, Rey smokes and so does Ben it was 1983 please calm down, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Work, Sleepy Sex, Some daddy kink, Squirting, Unprotected Sex, Voyeurism, casual mention of HIV/AIDS, the year is 1983
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:34:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 49,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25944424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightmorningcoffee/pseuds/midnightmorningcoffee
Summary: New York City, 1983. Rey begins working at a 24 hour porn theater in Times Square selling tickets to customers. One of those customers is Ben Solo. Working at the theater awakens Rey's sexuality, teaching her new things about herself. And Ben, whose life isn't on display for anyone, until he meets Rey.A Reylo fic loosely based on the 1983 film directed by Bette Gordon, Variety.https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090251/
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 174
Kudos: 289





	1. Chapter 1

_New York City, 1983_

Rey slid her body into the water seamlessly, coming up for air, first one side of her body, then the other rising and falling. The chlorine was strong, burning her eyes and the back of her throat. She swam until she exhausted herself, her muscles stretched and aching as she pulled herself up onto the side of the pool after half an hour.

Rey took in one large gulp of air, her hair stuck to the sides and back of her neck. She needed a haircut. It had reached the point where she always pulled it up in a ponytail or bun to keep her neck cool in the August heat of the City.

Add haircut to the list of things she could afford to take care of now that she had finally gotten a new job. She had stood in line for hours the week before along 5th Avenue for an interview as a sales clerk at one of the fur stores only to be led to a back room and told to take off her top and show a guy her tits.

She kept her tits to herself and did not get the job.

The newspaper ad for her new gig had been in small print near the bottom of the last page of the Classifieds, barely there at all. She probably would have missed it entirely had it not included the words **_Free Movie Tickets Every Week!_** in bold print.

A quick look at the address ( _48 th Street between 7th and 8th Avenues_) told her exactly what type of movie tickets they would be.

Still, work is work and there had been no real interview for this job to speak of which had been a relief. Rey never knew how much or how little to say about herself when faced with questions like _Where do you see yourself in 5 years?_ or _No College…a GED huh? How about that._

This place didn’t seem to care as long as she had a pulse, showed up on time and was friendly to paying customers. Rey could do that. She could show up, she could take their money and she could smile. Plus, she could make her own schedule whenever she wanted since the place was open 24 hours.

She sometimes preferred the early morning crowd. They were always the most polite, some still half-asleep from either just waking up, just getting off work or just ready for bed after a long night. Some were there as early

as five or six a.m. to line up in order to grab their favorite seat. There were no discount or matinee prices. All tickets were $2 day or night.

The regulars knew this, most sliding four one-dollar bills under the glass for a double feature. Some even made eye contact.

It was the evening crowd that could be the wild card. Most were down and out or business types coming in after a hard day at the office or an even harder day on the streets. On any given night, Rey could expect your garden variety junkies and drunks trying to get in for free, most smelled like gin or whiskey mixed with motor oil and piss.

These customers were for the most part harmless. She sometimes let them in for free if they promised to pay next time and most of them did.

Her first day there Rey had only met one other employee, Babs, the ticket taker who worked just behind Rey’s ticket booth, rain or shine. They were always scheduled to work together, and Rey didn’t mind. It was the only theater on the block employed with a skinny white girl and a 7’ft drag queen with fire engine red hair and neon blue toenails.

Babs was in her 60’s, and a lifelong New Yorker who knew everyone that walked past the theater. They would throw up their hands with a wave and a shout when they saw Babs standing in the doorway at her slanted music stand that doubled as her ticket taking podium. She would call out their names, ask them how their family was doing or if they ever quit that goddamn job they hated. Sometimes she would just shout obscenities for some long-ago dispute depending on the day and person.

The theater smelled like Lysol and Bleach, and half of the seats were broken but the house was never empty. Rey was able to read when it was slow or in-between showings. She was getting plenty of use out of her library card, always checking out the maximum number of books before the next due date came.

Rey was drying off now in the locker room of the Women’s Y downtown, grateful for the brief respite from the heat in the cold shower, and even more grateful her ticket booth at the theater had powerful working fans inside as she walked to the train, her shift starting soon.

~ ~ ~

Rey never watched any of the films the Rainbow theater showed.

She rarely had time since she was always working the booth. She couldn’t be in two places at once.

But tonight, Rey was exhausted, doing her best not to fall asleep, head heavy against the palm of her hand. The heat always made her drowsy.

“Hey Babs?” Rey called over her shoulder. “Can you give me a break? 15 minutes?”

Babs walked over, nodding slowly before she reached Rey.

“Of course. What do I get out of it?” She smiled; her bright pink lipstick crooked across her bottom lip. Rey fought the urge to reach up and swipe the excess away with her thumb.

Rey looked around the small space. She placed a single hand over her most prized possession.

“A pack of cigarettes?”

Babs’ eyes brightened, her smile wider now. Rey knew that would do the trick.

“Anything for you, baby,” Babs leaned over, taking the pack from beneath Rey’s hand.

“Here, keep one for yourself.” Babs slid a single cigarette between Rey’s fingers as they switched places.

“Thanks,” Rey bent down so Babs could light it from her faded green Bic lighter. Rey had a tiny box of matches in the back pocket of her jeans, but she would always take a free light. No use in using them all up if she doesn’t have to. She never knew when the pilot light on her stove would go out.

Rey walked backwards into the theater, blowing smoke above her head.

“Thanks, Babs.”

“15 minutes!” Babs called after her.

“Yep, you got it,” Rey called over her shoulder, in the lobby now.

She swung her arms, the cigarette between her fingers forming little smoke trails around her.

The inside of the theater was dark, lit by dim red lights on the walls and whatever weak glow the cigarette and coke machine gave off. The emergency exit signs were long gone, stolen for whatever reason and never replaced.

Once inside, Rey had no idea what to do or why she came this way in the first place. The lobby was empty.

She paced back and forth for a while, the sounds from inside the theater making their way to her.

_You’re a whore, aren’t you?_

Rey looked up as if someone were talking to her, but no, it was just the muffled voices from the screen beyond the double doors. It was clearly a man’s voice, there was no mistaking that.

Rey stood on tip toe, trying to see through the circular window at the top of each door but the glass was too dirty; everything beyond them looked as if it were smeared with a thin veneer of Vaseline.

Rey didn’t allow herself to think about the last time those windows had been cleaned. 

She took a final puff from her cigarette, knowing she was supposed to be back in the ticket booth soon. Babs would call for her.

Rey felt bold suddenly, snuffing the rest of her cigarette out beneath her big toe. She jogged up the three flights of stairs beside the theater doors, to the projection room.

She had never spoken to Greg, the projectionist. He had a blonde mustache and seemed the quiet type. Rey respected that. She could appreciate a man who knew how to keep his mouth shut.

Rey let herself into the projection room, closing the door without a sound behind her. She walked over to the large projector, clicking its way through each slide and reel of film, the hum from the machine loud enough to be the only sound in the cramped space.

Greg sat in the corner, smoking, watching her, saying nothing.

 _Good boy,_ Rey thought. He had obeyed her unspoken command. She didn’t want to be asked why she was up here.

She turned her back to him, standing beside the machine, letting its heat warm her lower stomach and chest. Rey followed its line of sight out through a tiny slot in the wall in front of her all the way to the screen.

She could see the images better now, but it wasn’t a good print. The edges were uneven, some places in the middle of people’s faces were spotted with dust and dirt.

Still, Rey didn’t look away.

A man took a woman’s nipple into his mouth, tugging with his teeth until she moaned. Then she laughed, head thrown back. There was a second woman in bed now, one blonde, one brunette.

Rey reached back to touch the tip of her ponytail. Her hair was lighter from spending so much time out in the sun. She practiced tossing her head back and smiling, not letting herself laugh out loud since she wasn’t alone, mimicking the woman on the screen.

Now the women were kissing while the man watched, his hand on their stomachs.

Rey touched her bottom lip with one finger, running her other hand along her stomach beneath her thin knock off polo t-shirt.

It had been long enough, Rey knew. It was time to head back.

She left the projection room without looking back at Greg or the film strip, closing the door just as carefully as when she entered.

Rey took the stairs down two at a time, hopping down onto the floor of the lobby with a gentle thud.

She eyed the coke machine in the corner. It was the only snack they offered.

Most people didn’t want popcorn with their porn.

Her boss had never said she couldn’t have any, so she helped herself…every shift she worked. The syrupy sweet taste always seemed new to her, giving her an instant sugar rush that made her feel like a kid again.

Rey bent down slightly, holding the orange and yellow paper cup under the single nozzle, watching the dark brown liquid spurt and come to life, pouring into her cup until it was a drizzle, fizzy on top, the bubbles touching the tip of her nose.

One of the doors to the theater opened, echoing off the walls of the empty lobby. Someone was leaving before the movie had finished.

Rey jumped, losing her grip on the flimsy paper cup, soda splashing against the already sticky floors, running everywhere like a dirty brown stream. The cup rolled away, out of sight.

“Shit, fuck me,” Rey mumbled, stepping carefully over the mess she’d made. She would have to try and find a mop. Maybe Babs knew if there was a supply closet somewhere. It was probably kept in the same place where they stored all the bleach they used to clean the theater.

Rey sprinted out to the ticket booth where Babs waiting, looking directly at her, puffing on what was likely her fiftieth cigarette of the day.

“What did you get up to now?”

Rey shook her head, out of breath from her scare a few seconds ago. She knew she looked startled, guilty.

“Do you have a napkin or paper towel I could use?” Rey’s shoes and the bottom of her jeans were sticky.

Babs sighed, reaching under the makeshift desk to toss her a box of paper-thin tissues. Rey caught them with one hand, grateful she hadn’t been asked any questions.

“You got two minutes!” Babs reminded her, already taking tickets for the next showing. A line had formed on the sidewalk outside the theater.

Rey nodded, heading over to the bench beneath the alcove of the marquee. She propped one foot up on her knee and began scrubbing the cheap tissue against the side of her shoe.

A figure emerged from the shadows cast by the bright, blinking lights from the street. There was the hint of a profile first, then the rest of the face emerged, one large hand holding a full cup of soda out to her, no lid or straw.

He was wearing a giant, gold watch on his wrist.

She stared at the cup for a moment, then at the face again. It was somehow wide and long at the same time. His hair was long, longer than most men wore their hair these days. It was so dark it looked like an extension of the blackness surrounding him. He was tall, almost too tall, verging on awkward. She could tell he was wearing a suit and it looked expensive.

 _One of those types_.

“I thought you may want a refill,” The voice was warm, distinctly American, from someplace she had never been, some place she had probably never even heard of. It was generic and distinct all at once. He was clearly not from the City, but he certainly looked the part.

He sounded like he was from nowhere at all.

“Thanks,” Rey nodded at the man, taking the cup, drinking half of it in one go, shameless.

He must have seen her spill her cup in the lobby. He was the one who left early, probably hurrying home to a nagging wife or sick mother in Jersey.

He nodded, still looking at her. She thought he was sort of smiling; it was difficult to tell.

“You’re welcome.”

Rey listened again for any tell-tale sign of where he might be from, but nothing came to mind. He worked hard to sound as neutral as possible.

This annoyed her.

Something about being able to assign people to a single place of origin made her feel better, comforted somehow.

Everyone had a place. That made sense to Rey.

The man nodded at the now empty cup in her hand.

She thought he was about ask her if she had been thirsty or something equally boring but instead, he said nothing.

She hoped he wasn’t waiting for her to speak. Rey wasn’t in the habit of speaking to customers beyond taking their money and handing them their ticket. Most of the time she didn’t make eye contact with the people she took money from.

Maybe that was how she missed him.

He was hard to miss otherwise.

The movie ended then, the lobby doors screeched open one at a time and he was gone, another solitary body emerging from the shadows. Soon he would be one among millions, walking from the theater and safely on his way home all before Rey had even noticed him leave.

Babs was looking at her now, hand on her hip. Rey didn’t need to be told twice.

~ ~ ~

Rey wondered what it would be like to work at the theater come winter. She had noticed a dilapidated floor heater beneath the piece of wood jutting out from the front of the ticket booth. She hoped there would be more than that to offer her freezing feet and hands come December.

Rey was dreaming of winter since it was nearly 100 degrees in the city for the third day in a row with no end in sight. She was taking later and later shifts in order to avoid the hottest parts of the day.

This meant the customers were a little rowdier, a little looser and more open, most of them agitated and wound up from the heat.

Rey paid more attention to them now, looking them in the eye when they approached the ticket window. She noticed the type of wallet they would pull out if they bothered with a wallet at all. Sometimes they pulled two rumpled, dirty dollar bills from their back pocket or from someplace inside their shirt.

She noticed their clothing, what she could see of it. She stared at the size and shape of their hands, if they were clean or not, if they shook or were steady when pushing their money across the small space beneath the bullet proof glass.

The junkies would try to talk to her and so would the businessmen, one eager to impress and prove to her they didn’t to watch a porn to see inside a woman, the other had little to no shame and would often ask her for her number or if she had any or wanted any _good stuff._

Rey would always shake her head, politely decline and hand them their small pink ticket.

She had to admit, she admired the junkies more for their honesty.

If anyone in her day to day life turned up their nose at her job or asked how she could do such a thing, she would shrug and say they were some of the nicest people she’d ever met.

And she meant it.

But there was another reason she was looking at the men who came up to her window night after night.

She wanted to see him again.

It had been almost a week and there had been no sign of the mysterious man who had handed her a cup of lukewarm coke outside the theater.

Maybe she had scared him off. Maybe she hadn’t been friendly enough. Maybe she had been _too_ friendly. There had been no rules handed down from her boss on what to do if a customer gave you a coke after watching you spill yours across the theater lobby and yourself.

Maybe he just had better things to do than visit a sleezy porno theater night after night.

Still, she kept an eye out.

Rey was flipping through the yellowed pages of the used paperback she’d picked up at a thrift store when she heard his voice again.

The one time she hadn’t been paying attention, trying to take money, rip off a ticket and hold her place in the book at the same time that it happened. It was when she said, without looking, as she handed over the ticket, “Here you go sir.”

“Sir?” A soft chuckle. “My name is Ben.”

Rey looked up. There was that voice again. The voice from the middle of nowhere.

“You bought me a coke the other night,” Rey blurted out, still holding his ticket.

The man, _Ben_ , smiled. His teeth were crooked, jagged edges settling down to rest on his bottom lip. She liked this about him. He wasn’t perfect after all. His front teeth also stuck out just a little too much.

This pleased Rey immensely.

“You should let me buy you a real drink sometime.”

Rey blinked. “No, I can’t do that.”

“And if you did?” 

This man didn’t miss a beat.

“Is there a rule against it?”

There was no one in line behind him so he could take his time talking to her, looking at her just as she was looking at him; without distraction, focused.

Rey shook her head. There were no rules at the theater other than don’t call the police if something goes sideways.

“There isn’t. Not that I know of, anyway.”

He seemed satisfied with her answer. 

Rey had still not given him his ticket and the movie would be starting soon.

She began to slide the tiny bit of paper over to him, but he reached down, only one finger fit beneath the glass separating them.

“When are you free?” His finger rested on top of the ticket.

“Tonight, you mean?”

Ben looked serious now, his finger pressed down gently on top of hers.

“Tonight or…tomorrow morning. I’m guessing that’s when your shift ends.”

Rey almost laughed.

“What, you want to grab pancakes and coffee with me?”

“If that’s what you would like.”

Rey stared at him now, waiting for the punchline, for him to laugh, to tell her he was only joking and would she please give him his ticket now.

But his face was serious, the corner of his mouth tugged down on one side while he waited for her to say more.

Rey coughed into the crook of her elbow.

“I actually get off around midnight. Is that…”

“Too late?” He cut her off. His mouth was twisting upwards now.

Rey nodded.

“Right. I mean, I just assumed that you had better things to do.”

His face did a funny thing. She wasn’t quite sure if he looked amused or sad. Maybe that was just how he looked.

“Better things?” He seemed genuinely curious as to what she meant.

The movie had long since started. Rey looked back at the theater door, as if to remind him why he came here. When she turned around, he hadn’t moved. He was still holding the ticket, gazing down into the booth.

“It’s only nine p.m.,” she said it as a matter of fact, one he was clearly aware of since he had come to see a 9:00 show.

“I can make myself scarce for 3 hours.” He sounded shy now, a boy waiting after school for his crush to get out of class.

Rey shook her head. “I don’t think so. I’m not sure what you’re…. I don’t know what it is that you want.”

Ben’s expression remained neutral. “I’ve told you what I want.”

“You want to have coffee with me?”

He nodded. No need to repeat himself.

Rey wouldn’t ask again.

“I’ll be here at midnight.” He took his tiny pink ticket, smoothed over the chipped paint on the wood where his hand had been. He smiled at her one last time and began to walk towards the theater.

Rey turned around in her seat to look at him, eager to watch him leave. She knew that he knew she was watching.

The man named Ben took his time, making slow strides on long legs. He wore another suit, this time charcoal grey. Rey noticed his gold watch again beneath the stiff white cuff of his shirt. His sleeve was pulled up just enough to show it off, just enough so she could see.

His hair reminded her of the color of a black widow spider. There were delicate waves he had obviously taken great care to put perfectly in place. Rey bet it would look just as good misplaced and disheveled all over his head and neck. He would look just as good with no effort at all.

He went inside without looking back at her.

He didn’t need to.

He had her undivided attention.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey wondered where he went after the movie ended a little over an hour later. She hadn’t seen him leave which seemed impossible. She had been watching the doors like a hawk over her shoulder in-between customers at her window for the next showing. She had no plan for what she might say to him if he caught her eye. She only got as far as the watching.

He said that he would be back at midnight and he was. Rey hadn’t doubted him for some reason. She wasn’t nervous even if she should be. She couldn’t even pretend to be anxious as he walked up, seemingly from out of nowhere, appearing out of the mist like those strange buses in Chinatown that went God knows where.

He waved so Rey waved back.

“Where did you go?” It was out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

He didn’t seem bothered by the intrusion. He was standing directly in front of her now, smiling.

“I took a walk, grabbed a paper, read for a bit.”

Rey didn’t know why she expected his answer to be far more salacious than that, but she was satisfied for the moment.

“So, coffee then?” She toyed with the fraying white faux leather on the purse strap on her shoulder.

“You probably know all the best spots.” His voice, his words were coated in something that reminded Rey of fresh blown glass, messy and hot, eventually taking shape into something that made sense, something useful.

Rey pointed in the general direction of the nearest all night diner.

“I usually go to this spot a few blocks away, but all the good places are downtown. Anything worth a damn is south of 14th Street.” Her voice lifted with pride as if she had helped build the City. She spoke as if she had helped lay the foundation herself, as if she had a hand in raising its buildings from the ground up.

“It sounds like we need to go downtown, then.”

_He trusted her._

He took a step back and Rey followed, assuming they were headed towards the train since it was only a couple of stops. Instead he turned around and began walking slowly, hands in the pockets of his suit, headed towards a black town car parked on the curb that she had not noticed before. 

Rey stopped.

“Is that your car?” A pointless question that gave her time to think. 

Ben stopped, turned around to look at her.

“It is. Well, it’s my driver, but it belongs to me, yes.”

 _Doesn’t everything?_ Rey thought.

But he hadn’t sounded arrogant, not even proud. He sounded almost bashful.

He realized it without Rey having to say anything.

“I…well, you don’t have to get in. I just thought…”

“No, it’s fine,” Rey cut him off, walking towards the car with certainty now.

She didn’t want to take the train if she didn’t have to.

The driver was outside of the car, holding one of the back doors open for them.

Rey got in first, Ben sliding in after. The door closed and Rey thought about how long it had been since she’d last been inside a car, even a taxi. Years, probably. She could take the subway everywhere, so she did. 

“Do you know where we’re going?” Rey asked settling back against the leather seat, purse in her lap.

Ben shrugged. “I told him to go to the Village. We’ll get out somewhere along 6th Avenue. Or wherever you say.”

He really _does_ trust her.

And he doesn’t even know her name.

~ ~ ~

The streets were emptier this time of night, but there were still people everywhere, on corners, walking between the stopped and moving cars on all sides. Rey felt disconnected from the noise outside, surrounding the car, from the City itself. It threw her off balance, being in, but not a part of everything around her. 

They sat in silence most of the way until Ben yawned, covering his wide mouth with a tight fist. Rey noticed his watch again.

_How could she miss it?_

“Tired?” She felt bold with him, fearless with her words.

Ben smirked. “Something like that.”

Snippets of conversation were easy with him. Rey wondered how they would feel sitting across from one another, cradling barely warm cups of coffee and soggy eggs. Would they talk about the news? The weather? His family? Hers?

Rey was already bored at the prospect of all of them.

No, this would be a different kind of conversation. That much she was sure of. 

The thought thrilled her. She wanted that; wanted a senseless conversation about anything and everything, about nothing at all. She wanted to hear him talk about something abstract or crazy, something unexpected, maybe even something gross or obscene.

“We can stop here.” Rey wasn’t sure if she should be speaking to Ben or the driver, but the car rolled to a stop, Rey looking out the window on her side.

She moved to open the door, but Ben reached over, stopping her, his hand over hers, his broad chest bumping against her back.

“No. He’ll do it for you.”

He had barely finished his sentence when the door opened for them, the driver reaching in to offer Rey his hand.

“Thank you,” Rey tossed her hair back as she stepped out of the car onto the corner. She hoped people were looking, strangers who might be jealous of her.

 _How did she manage to afford such a car, with her very own driver at that?_ she imagined them thinking.

_Who is she anyway?_

She watched Ben step from the car with ease despite his height, shaking his driver’s hand, giving him a small smile. He said something to the man and patted him on the shoulder before walking over to join Rey.

“Lead the way, Madam.” His shoulders were relaxed. He seemed light as air, perfectly content to be standing with her on some random street corner in the Village at nearly 1:00 in the morning. 

Rey had never been called that before. It was quaint but something darker curled up on the tip of his tongue at the word.

The diner was busier than Rey had expected, but there was a certain coziness to be found in the middle of a late-night crowd. There were people fresh from or on their way to the nearby clubs and bars, students who clearly never slept and survived on coffee alone. Rey observed a group of what she recognized as dancers holding court at a bunch of tables they had shoved together in one corner.

There was no hostess this late so Rey and Ben found their own booth tucked away in the back, Ben sliding into the seat across from her, shaking himself loose of his suit jacket. He folded it over his arm, placed it carefully in the seat beside him. His shirt was so white it hurt Rey to look at it for too long. His tie was soft grey with just a little bit of shine to it. She imagined he had one in every color. 

“Probably not the classiest place you’ve ever been for coffee,” She remarked reaching for the sticky bowl of creamer at the edge of the table. She peeled back the paper top on one of the small containers. 

Ben watched her, amused, his hands folded on the table between them. His fingers were long, his nails spotless.

“I wouldn’t say that. But it is way past my bedtime.”

Rey looked up. She was finally able to see, to really study his face now, seeing at him head on beneath the lights of the diner.

He had a long nose set on an angular face. Nothing about it was symmetrical but somehow it all made sense, like a Picasso come to life, made elegant by an invisible brush and paint strokes. Its features were scattered and too large in their beauty, soft around its rough edges.

His dark hair wasn’t sure where it wanted to part, but obeyed orders every time he ran a hand through the waves, pushing them to the right side. His neck was thick but graceful, the same was true for his hands and fingers. He was clean shaven, but she could imagine him with facial hair, how he would look different but just as attractive with a light mustache, maybe a small goatee.

“Someone like you has an actual bedtime?” Rey wanted to know more about him without having to ask too many questions. This seemed like a good starting point.

He smiled…there were deep dimples on his Picasso face. Rey wondered how often how other people got to see them, how many people were the cause of their appearance.

She was jealous of every single one of them, whether they existed or not.

The waitress appeared, right on time. Rey ordered her usual, toast with jam, scrambled eggs and coffee. Ben opted for French toast and bacon.

“Fancy,” Rey teased, grateful for her steaming cup of coffee. She gripped it tight between both hands, holding it close to her face.

Ben shrugged. “Hungry. I haven’t eaten since lunch.”

Rey nodded. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast which had consisted of a plain bagel purchased from a street vendor near her place. She’d had butter at home thankfully. She had splurged on the brand name kind.

The silence between them wasn’t awkward, but comfortable, ordinary even, as if they had been meeting up for coffee and French toast once a week for years to share stolen glances and whispered secrets across table condiments.

But no, this was all shiny and new. Ben was brand new.

Their food came, and Rey watched Ben eat, cutting up his French toast intentionally, deliberately into clean, even stacks, taking his time. He dipped his bacon in his syrup before eating it. He liked to mix salty and sweet things.

He made a satisfied noise as the first bite went down, holding his knife and fork on either side of his plate.

“Not bad, huh?” Rey was spreading strawberry jam onto her rye toast, keeping her eyes on what he was doing.

Ben nodded, still chewing. “It’s very good.”

She could tell he was surprised. Surprised and maybe a little impressed.

Rey smiled into the warmth of her cup. 

“What do you normally eat for dinner?” Rey shoved a forkful of scrambled eggs in her mouth, no amount or trace of shame or hesitation in her question.

She liked herself like this, loose and jagged around the edges. She liked being curious, she wanted to know things. She wanted to know about Ben.

He laughed a little, more of a huff than an actual laugh, covering his mouth with a fist while he swallowed.

“It depends. I usually go to a nice steak house somewhere in the City.”

“Do you cook?”

He paused, taking a long sip of his coffee, watching her over the edge. He took his time, wiping his mouth, clearing his throat, placing his coffee cup back down on the table.

“I _can_ cook if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Rey’s food was long gone but Ben kept eating. He moved slow in everything he did. He never seemed to be in a rush. He had all the time in the world.

Rey used to wonder what that felt like, having time. Now she had it too. Ben wasn’t the only one with such a luxury.

The waitress refilled their coffee cups. Rey noticed he took his black, nothing extra for this man. Rey practically turned hers into a milkshake, filling it to the brim with sugar and creamer until it turned a milky beige. 

They nodded their thanks, and the silence resumed, neither asking what on Earth they were doing there, what it did or didn’t mean, not even curious what time it was. It could be noon or three a.m. inside the diner, inside the City.

“So, what do you cook?” Rey smacked her lips together, holding her chin in her hand, elbow on the table. She was all over the place, no hint of manners or good behavior in sight.

Ben smiled. “You don’t really care about that.”

Rey didn’t argue. She fiddled with the paper from her straw, winding it between her fingers.

Ben sat back in the booth now, arms folded, secure in himself. Rey almost copied him but stopped herself.

“What _do_ you care about?” Ben was asking the questions now.

Rey smiled.

_Got you._

“A lot of things. I care about a lot of things, people. I care about people.”

Ben made a noise in the back of his throat, something between a grunt and a sigh.

“I care about animals. The environment.”

Ben was staring at her now.

Rey started laughing, covering her mouth with both hands, delighted at his reaction.

“I don’t believe you.” His voice was a quiet drawl. He shook his head.

Rey was laughing full on now, head pushed onto the back of the red leather booth.

“Your _face_ …. you should have seen it just now.”

“What did it look like?” Ben wasted no time, one hand running through his hair, curious.

_Oops, he’s got you._

Rey wasn’t laughing now. She cleared her throat, reaching for the straw paper again.

“Well, you looked pissed off. Or annoyed. Maybe…. confused?”

Ben didn’t say anything.

“But you kept listening to me.”

He didn’t answer, giving her nothing.

“Like you are right now.”

Ben shifted in his seat, doing something at last, anything other than stare at her. He leaned across the table; _his elbows were on the table now too, both of them. Hadn’t his Mother taught him anything?_

He looked at Rey, blinking, eyes hollowed out beneath the too-bright lights of the diner.

He placed one hand out in front of her on the greasy table, palm up, waiting.

The underside of the watch on his wrist caught every spare sliver of light the space around them had to offer. Rey was mesmerized, transfixed on the singular object hugging his large, smooth wrist.

The lines in his palm were clear and deep, a long, curvy lifeline she recognized from the two witches she had lived with before finding a place of her own. His love line ran just beneath it, broken and unsteady grooves in the pale terrain.

She placed her hand in his, covering his life and love lines, engulfed by his size as he closed his fingers around the top of her hand, rubbing the sensitive skin there.

“Are you asking me to trust you?” Rey’s voice was low, not timid. She felt something exhilarating, a dark, burning sensation gurgling beneath the surface of the skin he touched.

Ben’s answer was immediate, sincere.

“You’re here aren’t you?”

Rey nodded, her head on an invisible string attached to the center of his chest.

“So are you.” Her words were a strange echo of his own.

He smiled. So did she.

Then he was laughing, and so was she, subdued at first, the vibrations of hidden joy spread tight across their lips, then louder, the sound carrying over and across the space of the small, cramped diner.

Rey would have stayed in this place forever if she could, cozy in their little booth, the orchestra of misfits playing all around them.

_But no._

Ben paid, pulling crisp bills out of his black leather wallet, splaying them across the table beneath his empty coffee cup without looking at the total cost of their meal.

He looked at Rey, his voice a soothing tenor. “Shall we?”

It was a formality. Rey knew it was time to go. She nodded, pushing herself out of the booth.

She followed him out of the restaurant, passing by the people sitting at the counter, her usual spot when she came here on her own. She would sit at the counter for hours and read, drinking refill after refill of coffee or soda, the staff never kicking her or anyone else out.

That was one reason she loved this place.

Now she’d made a whole new memory here with a comfortable stranger.

Rey watched the way Ben walked in front of her, long, bow legged strides, confident but hesitant, looking around every few steps. She could tell by the slight tilt of his head. She was glad he had not walked behind her, hand on the small of her back, guiding her under the guise of letting her lead the way.

No, she much preferred this. Getting to watch him in a way no one else could in that moment. People turned their heads as he walked past because he was so tall and quite visibly rich, but Rey saw another being before her, she saw someone, something else.

He didn’t walk so much as glide, his coat acting like a cape behind him. She imagined what he would look like in winter, not trudging through the snow like everyone else, instead coasting along the top its flakes, dressed in all black or grey, buttoned up, secure, white settling on the top and sides of his inky-black hair.

Ben was… _graceful_. That’s the word Rey was searching for as she watched him leave the restaurant.

A chaotic sort of elegance.

And all he was doing, was walking.

He turned around, just half-way, mindful of the fact that she was watching him.

She would never be able to hide in plain sight around him.

Outside on the street, Ben’s car and driver waited for them. It felt like magic to Rey, how both appeared wherever Ben was at any given moment. He seemed to summon them out of thin air.

Ben kept walking to where his driver was, standing against the side of the car. They were speaking, saying something Rey couldn’t hear. She watched as the driver nodded, opening his side door and getting back inside.

Ben stood up straight, waiting for her to join him.

Rey debated taking her time, drawing this out and making him wait _(did this man ever have to wait for anything?)_ , but her own impatience got the best of her. She walked over, noticing this time Ben held the door open for her as she climbed inside.

“Thank you.” Her voice was quiet, low to her own ears.

She wanted to say something clever, something quick-witted but the gesture struck her as sincere. 

Rey sat in the backseat and waited.

Ben was speaking to his driver through the passenger’s side rolled down window before taking a few steps back and sitting beside her. He closed the door gently.

“Don’t you need to know my address?” Rey looked from Ben to the driver but there was a dark partition between the front and back seats. She had forgotten that part.

Ben shook his head, settling back into the seat beside her. He tugged the top of his tie loose, seeming to breathe easier now.

“I told him we would drive around for a bit. It’s the best way to see the City.”

Rey blinked. She couldn’t argue with him. Walking and riding in a car were better ways to see the City than the Subway. But she only lived a few blocks away.

Ben turned to look at her, his head nearly touching the top of the car’s interior.

“You’re not nervous are you?” His voice was kind, not demeaning.

Rey shook her head. “I haven’t been all evening.”

He nodded, pulling his tie down and further away from the deep hollow of his throat. Rey stared at the soft skin there.

“Good.”

The car pulled into traffic and Rey immediately looked out the window to see the City like he’d said. Sixth avenue was still buzzing.

“I take it you live in the Village. Somewhere downtown? You seem to know the area well.”

Rey nodded. “Downtown, yes. Not that far from where we were.”

She looked at him. He was smiling.

“I suppose I’m taking you on a bit of a detour, then.”

Rey smiled back at him. “I guess you could say that.”

She knew it was her turn to ask a question. “What do you do?”

He answered without hesitating. “I work for a living.” 

Rey laughed despite the fact she knew this wasn’t a joke. “Doesn’t everyone?”

Ben shook his head. “No, they don’t.”

He didn’t elaborate and Rey decided this wasn’t what she wanted to talk about.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

His question didn’t surprise her, but she counted her breaths slowly in her head _(1, 2, 3…)_ before answering.

“I don’t. I don’t think about it.”

“You don’t think about the fact that you don’t have a boyfriend?”

His words tried to disguise themselves as puzzle pieces in what little physical space there was between them, but Rey refused to play his game.

“I don’t think about…men.”

Ben was suddenly still beside her, not answering for a long time. When he did, she could hear his brief, but deep intake of breath before speaking.

“You…don’t think about men and yet you work around them constantly, taking their money, having to be nice to them no matter who they are or where they come from. You work at a place where men fuck women on screen 24 hours a day.”

Rey was looking straight ahead as he spoke, their ankles touching in the floorboard of the back seat; her bare, tanned ankles in sneakers, his hidden inside thin, dark dress socks. The word _fuck_ slipped out of his mouth with a sharp _k_ on the end to drive his point home.

“It’s just a job. I like it there.” 

“What do you mean it’s just a job?”

Rey didn’t answer. He tried another way in.

“Have you ever watched any of the movies yourself?”

She shook her head, not wanting to give him the benefit of her words yet.

“Maybe you don’t like the movies.”

Rey finally looked at him. His eyes were relaxed, his face and body open to her, legs spread wide, not concerned with how much space he took up.

“I love going to the movies. I go all the time.” A beat. “Why do you watch those movies anyhow?”

Ben was again unfazed by her question; her curiosity only seemed to delight and amuse him. He knew she wasn’t judging him.

“Why does anyone?”

Rey dug her heels in.

“You keep talking about anyone and everyone else, when all I’m really asking about is you.”

Ben’s eyes dimmed and focused down to a dull haze, falling to her, lids lowered. 

“I watch those movies because I want to. Because they’re there.” 

Rey swallowed. That she understood. She also liked doing things just because she could.

She licked her lips before she spoke again.

“Is that all? You just do whatever you want because you can?”

Rey knew what she was really asking. She knew he did too.

_Touch me._

Ben looked down at her faded denim-clad legs, knees together where his were miles apart, hands in her lap, his resting on his thighs.

He picked up one of her hands, bringing it close to his mouth. He put his lips against each knuckle and then the tips of each finger, kissing the center of her palm last, his eyes open the entire time.

Rey watched him in silence. He hadn’t put his arm around her and pulled her close, had not bothered to place a hand on her knee or take her hand in his own. He hadn’t even shoved a single, clumsy hand greedily down the front of her pants or up her shirt.

No, nothing was predictable with him.

Rey’s hand was pressed flat against his nose and mouth. He inhaled her skin once, twice, dragging it down his lips to scrape his chin, then finally along the front of his neck until her fingers touched his throat, grazing the spot she had noticed before.

Rey’s breathing mirrored his, in and out, chests rising and falling at the same time, letting herself be guided by him, a quiet puppet master.

He pushed her knuckles against the base of his throat, the rest of her hand a weak fist, its fingers hanging loose in his grasp.

“Ben…” It was the first time she’d said his name aloud. He closed his eyes at the sound.

His eyes had been open the entire time before that, watching her as she watched him. Neither of them had blinked or looked away. Now Rey could study him without interruption.

Her gaze covered his entire face, eyes darting up and down and back and forth in rapid, back to back movements, in a rush to consume him before he opened his eyes.

When he did, Rey was staring at his mouth, aware her body was pushed up and against his, shoulder to foot, not an inch of space between them. 

He reached over with his other hand, tucking it under her chin, tipping her head _up, up, up_ to look at him.

“You’re not afraid at all, are you?” It was the first time she had heard him whisper, use a voice less than his impartial or amused timbre since they met.

Rey shook her head, his fingers holding her with leniency, she was perfectly free to move away from him.

She didn’t. 

“Little Pagan that you are. Could you even recognize the presence of the Divine?”

Rey let the silence stretch on between them, elastic and thin. She had no idea what on Earth he meant.

She wanted to be called _Little Pagan_ over and over again.

“Don’t you want to know my name?” Now she whispered too, lips pressed loose and lazy against his shoulder, eyes still cast upward.

He nodded. “In due time.”

So it wasn’t that important, then. It didn’t matter to her either. It was just a name, anyway. She’d had no choice in the matter. No one did.

She liked things this way. She liked being a mystery, unknown to him.

There were images in her head now. She and Ben at a dinner table at their house in suburbs, martinis and a fresh from the oven pork roast in front of them. It was Sunday evening. They were friends with the neighbors, their names were Bob and Diane. She had planted a garden along the side of the house. They had a dog, a golden retriever named Buddy who sat patiently at Ben’s feet while they ate. He slept at the foot of their bed.

Now they were in a car, _their_ car together, Ben driving, she was beside him. It was sunny and warm in just the right way, not too hot, a perfect breeze. It looked like California did in the movies. He was laughing, sunglasses on his broad face, the sound filling the entire inside of the car until the vibration rang in her ears. She was laughing too, arm hanging out of the window, lazing against the side of the car. Her bare, finally tanned feet were propped up on the dash, head against the back of the cool light blue and white leather interior of the passenger’s seat. They were going fast, so fast that no one could ever catch them, the ocean to their right. He told her it belonged to them. She agreed.

_Didn’t everything?_

“What are you thinking?” She asked him. He was still touching her, her hand in his on his lap now.

He was looking out the window, no longer focused only on her, the muscles and veins of his neck strained until they pulsed, visible. Rey reached up and touched them, no permission needed, none granted.

His inhale was abrupt, intentional. He gripped her other hand tight.

“Everything. I’m thinking about everything.”

Another breath.

“The City does that to me.”

Rey nodded against him. She knew what he meant. She understood everything he said. She wondered if he knew.

 _It floods your senses, doesn’t it?_ She almost asked him. _The lights, the sounds, the all-too-muchness of it all. You can hide here. You can be anyone or no one. You can be anything you want and no one and everyone will pay attention to you. You can stand still in the middle of it all and let it happen around you. You forget the sky exists here. You forget to look up until one day you do and suddenly there it is, actual, real clouds. Sunshine. Something exists beyond the tops of buildings. This shocks you._

_How you can feel so small and so indestructible in the very same space, at the very same time._

Rey touched his face, undaunted. She wanted to ask him if he was happy, but it seemed like such a silly question. And he would most likely answer with something like _now or in general?_ And then he would smirk, maybe pulling her close against him.

She wondered what other names her would call her that weren’t her own.

“What do you want to do to me?”

 _To, not with._ The gulf between the two stood wide. She made herself clear.

He was still holding her hand when he spoke, looking at her after a few seconds passed.

“A lot of things. Countless things.”

His voice was matter of fact, plain and simple. When he wasn’t speaking, his tone always sounded deeper, darker in her head than it really was.

“I want to touch you. I want to be the only person you think about. I want to watch you make yourself dinner. I want to keep you in this car forever. I want to know what you taste like. I want to watch you touch yourself, so that I know what you like.”

Rey gripped his hand. His soliloquy continued. He held his audience captive.

“I’d like to know your limits and ignore them. I want you to let me do that. I want to see what the inside of your apartment looks like. I want to know why half of your coffee is really just sugar and milk. I want you to call me in the middle of the night because you’re bored, because you’re in trouble, because you want to.”

His mouth was at her temple now as he spoke, lips pressed against her skin, warm, the vibrations of his voice thumping against her bones. He stayed there as the car sped across a bridge. Rey wasn’t sure which one. It didn’t matter. She felt as if the cables and wires outside the windows were holding her body upright.

She wanted Ben to knock her over, tear her down from the ground up.

~ ~ ~

Rey felt like a child again, lying down in the backseat of a car, feet pressed against the locked door, her head in Ben’s lap, the side of her face tucked into his hip, her cheek resting on the front of his soft dress shirt. One of his hands rested on her stomach on top of her shirt, the other settled atop her hair, occasionally running it across and through the pale brown strands, spreading them across his thigh, gently massaging her scalp.

At times they spoke, other times they sat and lay in silence side by side, the City, the inside of the car holding them captive, two happy prisoners. Every now and then he would murmur things to her, or words about her, things that made her close her eyes and just listen.

Rey wondered when she would see him again, when, not if. Of all the things she’d asked him, she didn’t know how to ask this. No matter how she worded it in her head, it sounded needy, desperate, child-like. Even when she gripped his hand as they spoke, Ben eventually asking her where he should take her now that the night was coming to an end.

She almost replied, _where you live._

Rey sat up, muscle memory, sensory familiarity at the feel of the car on her block, the sight of the tops of buildings she had looked up and into thousands of times.

The car stopped outside of her building, Rey’s body adjusting to the hum and movement beneath her no longer there.

She sat there, waiting, waiting for him to say something, to open the door for her, or maybe the driver would this time. She wasn’t sure what was expected of her.

His hand was in the back of her hair, mussing it this way and that, giving her tangles and smoothing them out just as quickly. He finally spoke.

“I would very much like to see you tomorrow evening.” He wasn’t asking a question.

She nodded. “I would like that.”

The car door opened. It was the driver’s turn to take care of them.

Ben smiled, pleased. It made his entire face softer, getting his way.

“Great. I’m glad to hear it. The car will pick you up at 6. Will you be at work, at home or elsewhere?”

Ben got out of the car first, offering her his hand from the sidewalk. Rey took it, wishing she were wearing something more elegant every time she emerged from his car, always being treated with so much attention and care.

“I’ll be at work. Pick me up there.”

Another nod. He was still smiling.

“I will.”

Rey knew he would, right at six and not a minute later. She wondered whether he would hold the car door open for her again. Would he pull her on his lap in the backseat next time? Would she feel brave enough to climb into his lap without invitation, to let him hold her in his arms in silence?

Would it surprise him if she told him to take off all of her clothes, one by one, until she sat fully nude across his thighs while he looked her over, inspecting her?

What if she told him to take off everything he had on instead? What if she could approve or reject the man before her? 

Rey blinked out of her nighttime daydream, eyes dry and burning, hands in the back pockets of her jeans. She could feel a half-empty pack of cigarettes she had sat on, crushing them completely. She imagined the broken pieces, shards of strong tobacco scattered all across his backseat.

_Oh well._

Ben’s body blocked out the amber streetlight behind them, his ever-present car humming idle at the curb outside of her building like a black chariot, waiting, always waiting.

He reached for her, a tall shadow extending one arm, a single hand, not for her to take, but to rest on her hip.

It made her feel extra feminine, her narrow body growing curves on all sides under his touch. She imagined his hand in her back pocket, pulling out the cigarette flakes, sprinkling them on the sidewalk like poisonous breadcrumbs, leading him up the stairs and into her apartment.

“Goodnight.” He was watching her, eyes focused on her mouth, voice quiet as if someone might hear.

Rey stood on her the tops of her toes and pushed herself into him, relaxed, making herself as tall as possible just to show him she could. She pressed her face against the side of his neck and took a breath so deep it made her lungs ache. 

“Goodnight.”

She escaped his body against her will, walking backwards towards the comfort of her building, familiar enough with the terrain that she didn’t have to look down.

Ben didn’t dare move; he simply watched her go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [alantie](https://twitter.com/alantieislander?s=21) for creating this lovely mood board for the story. I adore it and how it perfectly captures the energy and mood of the story. 
> 
> And a special thank you to [Flybluejay](https://twitter.com/flybluejay_) for actually wanting to be my beta and listening to my endless whining and self-doubt night after night. You've helped make this story what it is and will be. 
> 
> Chapter 4 is already written and beta'd so I hope to post it this weekend. X

Rey turned the key in the lock of her fourth-floor walk-up, out of breath, not from the climb but from him.

She dropped her keys on the table by the door and hurried to the wall of windows to watch him leave but he was already gone. She tried to not be too disappointed. Watching him be driven away would have given her no further insight into where he was headed.

But she could have pretended. She could have imagined.

Rey suddenly remembered she had gone to the store the day before. Sometimes she really did have her shit together.

She glanced, like always, at the colorful movie posters on her walls, all found in the storage closet at work bound with old rubber bands, dust around the tops of each. Babs had told her to take them, why not? No one else wanted the damn things. So she took them home, one by one on the train, and now they hung around her as she slept or read in bed or stared up at the high ceiling.

There was orange juice in the fridge and saltines in the cabinet that she brought back from the tiny kitchen, drinking straight from the freshly opened carton, the box of crackers shoved under her arm.

Rey walked to the answering machine on the table where her keys had been dropped, chugging more of the pulpy juice as she pressed play.

_If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try your call again…if you need help, hang up, and then dial your operator…_

Wrong number. Rey hit delete.

_Rey, it’s your landlord, Tony. I gotta let you know that your rent check bounced again. I’ll give ya till the tenth instead of the fifth of the month, but you know I can’t keep doing this-_

Rey hit delete again.

_Hi, Rey. It’s Mom. I haven’t heard from you in a while so I thought I would reach out and see how you were doing-_

Her clingy, single Mother. Rey pressed delete as hard as she could.

The last message was the voice of someone she didn’t know, a man. She had never heard it before. 

_Hey sweetheart. I’m still thinking about your pussy, about that little cunt of yours. I think about it all the time. I like the little hairs there, the little stubble after you shave it. You know how much I love it, don’t you? You know that I will do whatever you want don’t you? I’ll do it. I’ll lick it for hours. I’ll be a good boy. I’ll do whatever you say, I’ll wear a mask, Sharon, if that’s what you what, if you shave your asshole too... I’ll say anything you ask me to. I—_

The message cut off; the machine had run out of tape.

Rey pressed rewind before walking over to her bed, really a mattress on the floor, and flopping down, half-empty carton on the ground beside her. She kicked at a sleezy paperback at the foot of the bed to make way for her long legs and bare feet.

_Hey sweetheart. I’m still thinking about your pussy. That little cunt of yours. I think about it all the time…_

Rey listened to the message again, this time lying on her back, a single hand resting on her stomach, fingertips dipped just beneath the waist of her jeans. She should have kicked them off.

_…I’ll do it. I’ll be a good boy. I’ll do whatever you say._

She had only listened to it twice, but she could already mouth along to most of the words. Certain words she let stay on her tongue and lips longer just to see how they felt, how it felt repeating the words of a strange man on her answering machine.

_Sweetheart. Pussy. Cunt. Good boy. Mask._

Rey closed her eyes and searched for images in her head to align with the words she kept repeating under her breath.

There was Ben, at the front of her mind, calling her _sweetheart_ , Ben saying the word _pussy_ and _cunt, Ben_ telling her he thinks about it, thinks about _her_ pussy, that he thinks about _her_ all the time.

Rey’s hand moved from her stomach to unsnap the copper button of her jeans, sliding her fingers beneath the denim, right past the top of her underwear, running her fingertips over the brush of hair at the top, then touching herself in a way she liked best.

She wondered if the neighbors could hear her at night when she was alone, doing this. She could sometimes hear their love making, their rough fucking. She wondered what they thought of her singular noises, her lone voice rising and falling, reaching the rafters, then bottoming out near where her mattress lay on the crooked and curving hardwood floor.

Tonight would be no different, there would be the same noises, the same lithe body kicking at the sheets in an unmade bed, the same push and pull until her jeans were nearly at her knees, the same sensation of biting her bottom lip and rutting her head back against the pillow until she came, eyes wide open.

She felt the room spinning when it was over, letting her used hand fall lazy and wet at her side. She took a deep breath before bringing it up to her mouth, curious and greedy, enjoying the taste of herself, the sight and smell of it too.

Rey held her hand at a distance, the shape getting smaller as she moved it away from her body. Her skin turned neon green and bright red from the traffic lights outside her window.

She held up a single finger, silencing the invisible man on top of her, hooking the air at the top and then middle knuckle to pull him down by the collar of his shirt.

She reached, snagging, catching his entire body by his bottom lip to bring him closer, pretending he belonged to her, that no matter what or who else had happened to him before, now he existed for her.

~ ~ ~

“Who the hell is that man I saw you getting in the car with last night?”

Babs had been sitting in the ticket booth smoking, flipping through a _People_ magazine when Rey arrived at work. Her bleach blonde wig was styled in a 1960’s bouffant, bright pink nails caressed the cigarette between her painted lips.

Rey stood outside the booth, purse on her shoulder, shifting the weight in her body from one foot to the other. She had worn a nicer, tight black tank top today with her favorite pair of high-waisted white jeans. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, secured with a black ribbon she’d found in the back of her underwear drawer. She wore the one piece of jewelry she owned, a simple, thin gold chain that hung down between her breasts. She wished she owned perfume; she would have worn that too.

“A friend?” she tried.

That earned her an eye roll and a puff of smoke blown right in her direction as if it came from a moody dragon. Babs hopped off of Rey’s stool so her shift could begin.

“Whatever you say, doll face.”

She was walking back towards the theater, calling out over her shoulder without turning around but making sure Rey could hear every word.

“Plenty of girls turn tricks for less with men a _whole_ lot uglier than that one.”

Rey put her purse on the counter, and turned to look at Babs, arms folded. The day was already hot, and it wasn’t even eleven a.m.

“Babs, I’m not turning tricks.” Her cheeks flamed pink with heat and… _embarrassment?_

No.

Rey felt something closer to pride at the idea that anyone would think that men wanted to pay money to sleep with or spend time with her. Ben hadn’t given her a dime. Only his time and company. The memories of the night before kept the ruddy flush on her face.

Babs held up her hands, facing Rey now.

“Did you hear me judging? I’ve sucked dick for a glass of wine and a vanilla milkshake. I hope you got a better deal than that.”

Now Rey was smiling, arms uncrossed.

“I promise you it was better.” 

Babs was inside now, and Rey thought about chasing after her, thought about telling her that she was seeing Ben again tonight, thought about asking her if she looked okay in what she was wearing, thought about asking her if the milkshake had been as good as she wanted it to be, but customers for the late morning showing were beginning to arrive.

Work was so busy Rey barely had time for her usual breaks where she could take a walk or read. It was so busy she hardly saw Babs again before her shift was over.

There was just enough time to run to the bathroom to wash her face and hands and straighten her ponytail before Ben arrived. She turned the automatic dryer on her armpits and the front of her tank top to make sure she was as dry as possible. She felt almost brand new, not like she had been sitting in a sweltering ticket booth for the past six hours.

The black flats she wore slid along the floor, landing softly on the sidewalk to see Ben standing beside his car, hands folded, smiling.

Rey counted the steps to where he stood, letting her chest rise and fall with each move. She wanted to turn around to see if Babs was watching but her body wouldn’t let her face any way but forward.

“There you are,” he said as if he’d been searching all day for her whereabouts, wandering around the City lost, just hoping to come upon her. Rey pictured him continuing to ride around all night, eyes trained to the windows, keeping a careful watch out on the City.

Instead he looked freshly shaven, his body relaxed, his face well-rested outside of the crinkles beside his eyes when he smiled, his dimples sketching deep lines on either side of his mouth.

“Hi Ben.” Rey was standing in front of him, sparks of desire buzzing beneath her skin. She liked speaking his name.

Ben reached for her hand, taking it in his, opening the car door with the other, kissing the crown of her head as she passed by.

Rey crawled into the now familiar backseat, placing her purse at her feet. She watched Ben get in, his body contorting to fit even though this was the largest backseat Rey had ever seen. He went on forever. 

It was with both a rush and a stillness that Ben settled into the narrow seat beside her, his hand on her thigh without hesitation, fingers spread like a languid spider across the denim Rey now wished was skin.

Suddenly she regretted her entire choice of outfit. She should have known Ben would be wearing a suit, should have known she could have made things easier if she had worn a skirt and nothing beneath it. She’d had time to change in the bathroom at work, she just needed to plan better next time.

She worked her lower lip between her neat, blinding teeth until Ben tugged at it with two fingers, his mouth smirking, his face lit up, playful.

“You look lovely.” 

His words were so well-timed it nearly gave Rey whiplash. It felt as if she had been placed inside a time warp that belonged to only him, where he could read her mind and answer accordingly.

Rey tucked herself against his body, letting that be her response, her sincere thank you.

She thought of Babs’ words again back at the theater, asking her what she got out of this, what she had to give in order to get whatever it was she wanted. She looked up at Ben, blinking slowly, watching him as he studied the time on his watch.

He hadn’t offered to take her shopping or gift a credit card to her with no limit in an attempt to turn her world upside down, to better her for his pleasure like so many of the girls she knew in Midtown with similar arrangements. They usually kept more than one man at a time.

No, Ben sat quietly beside her now, his hand draped down and around her back, fingers at her hip, dropping to brush the back of her jeans, letting his hand rest on her ass as the car moved into rush hour traffic.

“When was the last time you were in a taxi?” Rey asked, picking at the side of his tie, dark blue against white this time. 

She felt him shift, imagined his mouth working in thought above her head.

“Not too long ago…two weeks perhaps?”

Rey sat up and looked at him, surprised. “Really?”

He shrugged. “Yes, I think so. It’s difficult because most cabs won’t go all over…they won’t, for instance, go to the Bronx, Brooklyn…they stick to Manhattan and the airport mostly.”

Rey was fascinated now. Ben was caught at the end of her hook.

“Do you spend a lot of time in the Bronx and Brooklyn?”

Ben pulled her closer. She could feel his hand tracing the outline of the back pocket of her jeans with a single finger before sliding his hand in. She remembered when boys in high school used to do this. It was a muscle memory built by ease, born from longing.

She pushed her ass out, arching her back, even though his hand was already full, just to show off a bit.

“I do. I spend a lot of time everywhere.”

The fabric of his tie caught a snag on one of her bitten down nails. Rey used it as an excuse to tug on it, pulling his head down a bit. He didn’t resist.

“Everywhere huh?” Her tongue was loose though she was sober to her bones. That’s what he did to her, lulled her into his comfortable cobweb.

He nodded, Rey still holding onto his tie.

“Yes, everywhere.”

“Are you from here?” Rey pushed her body even closer, her knee resting against his thigh. She loved the way it looked, crisp white denim propped up on dark blue, finely cut and tailored material.

“Upstate.”

Rey didn’t care what town he was born or grew up in, that was enough. He probably grew up apple and pumpkin picking in the fall, swimming in lakes in the summer, coming into the City to go to the Met and Broadway shows in the winter and spring.

Her veins burned with a quiet jealousy at the thought of his childhood with not one but two places he called home.

He could be anyone he wanted anywhere he wanted. 

Music filtered into the backseat, again perfectly timed as they merged onto a highway, the car picking up speed.

It was classical music. Rey wanted to hate it, wanted to stifle a laugh, to call it pompous and ridiculous and too on the nose but instead she let it wash over her, the violins like a deep bass tremor pulling up alongside her heartbeat.

“What is this?”

“Rachmaninoff.” A beat. “A bit pretentious I admit. But it's what I fell asleep to as a child.”

Rey laughed into the crevice of his armpit, smelling cologne and sweat.

“Just a bit,” she admitted, her light laughter turning into a full-on cackle, head thrown back, happy he was still talking about his childhood.

His hand now rested on the back of her neck, his lips and teeth at the front, snapping at her throat. He let her revel in her joy, exposing a tender part of herself just for him, allowing her to send caution home for the evening.

Rey closed her eyes at the feeling of his lips running along her skin, hand tightening at the tendons between her skull and neck.

She was laughing harder as he held her in place, a lost little orphan planet trapped by both his moon and sunlight.

“Where are you taking me?” She asked between laughs, hands gripping at his arms, finally sitting upright, a head rush leaving her body through the tips of her fingers and toes.

“Don’t you like surprises?” His voice was teasing, feeling for the truth.

Rey shrugged. “I like to know what to expect.”

“Do you?”

His hand traveled down the side of her body, mapping out a path he would retrace time and time again.

Rey nodded. “Surprises aren’t always…”

His hand was smoothing over the tight, slicked-back hair leading up to her ponytail. “Good? Pleasant?”

Another nod, her head moving further and further into his chest.

She wasn’t sad; she was drowsy with bliss.

A rumble in his chest Rey knew was disagreement.

“Not always…” His words sounded far away. “Sometimes the unexpected can be...just what you need.”

Rey hummed, feeling the vibration alongside his sternum, echoing back to rub her cheek. She would agree with whatever he wanted, as long as he kept talking.

“What do you know about what I need?” Her voice was low, lower than it usually was, inviting an answer that he wouldn’t dare utter in front of other people.

He shifted in the seat, pushing his hips out from the back of the seat, moving her with him.

Rey turned, sliding her body _down, down, down_ until her head lay in his lap. She took her time in looking up at him.

“What do you know?” She asked again, hand tucked between her cheek and the highest part of his thigh.

“About what you need? Or what you want?” He tucked one stray piece of light brown hair behind her ear only for it to turn itself loose again.

Rey burrowed her face into him until it was safely tucked against his stomach.

“Hmm…both..”

His chest shifted when he chuckled, fond at her words and sleepy state. He used the ends of his fingertips to play with her ponytail, his other hand resting on her hip.

“Mm…where are we going?” Her voice was lazy but curious, knowing that he wouldn’t tell her, sitting up in surprise when he said the words _baseball game,_ tilting her head to look at him.

That’s not at all what Rey had expected him to say.

But what _had_ she expected?

“A baseball game? “

Ben nodded. “I take it you’re not a fan?”

Rey shook her head. “I never thought about it one way or another. But I guess it could be fun.”

Ben smiled. “It can be. It can also be very long and _very_ boring.”

“And you like that?”

Now it was Ben’s turn to shake his head. “No. I like the people watching. It gives me time to think.”

“So, you never go alone?” Rey was digging now, hands deep in the soil, touching the root.

_Did Ben know that’s what she was doing?_ He seemed at ease as always, perfectly content to answer her questions. Unmoored, unbothered.

“Being alone doesn’t bother me.” 

He’d answered the wrong question, not giving Rey the answer she really wanted.

_Are you alone all the time?_ _Is it just you? Who else gets your time? Your mornings?_

Rey nodded. “Well, that sounds good then. If you’re sure this is what you want to do.”

She looked up at him. She could tell he was thinking. She almost asked if he had heard her.

He blinked, staring down at her before he spoke. 

“Of course. I wouldn’t have asked you otherwise.” 

His words could be heard as sarcastic, distracted, chiding even…. _don’t you know anything little girl?_ _Didn’t you hear me the first time?_

But they weren’t. They were matter of fact, straight forward. Rey liked that.

Next time she would tell him she wanted to do something else, to go somewhere else with him, _just him_ with no people around.

Ben was no good at taking hints, even if he could read her mind. 

Rey lay back down, head in his lap again. She was staring up at the underside of his face, the odd slope of his jaw, the way his lips were pushed out and away from his face even from this angle.

Rey wanted to crawl inside his mouth, wanted to kick and claw her way between those twisted teeth, warm herself on his tongue, gag him and force him to say nice things about her over and over again until she’d had her fill.

She wanted him to pay attention to only her. She wanted to stamp her foot and fold her arms, demand it until he gave in.

She wanted him to shower her with affection. Not with flowers and jewelry. No, she wanted his time, those spare hours when he did nothing at all. She wanted his words, spilling out of his mouth to lavish her with admiration and interest. She wanted his body, wanted the parts no one else had ever thought about or touched, or put their mouth on him just the way he wanted.

But she would.

And she wanted to be in _his_ bed when she did it.

Rey curled up in the seat, wanting to be petted again. She wanted Ben to keep talking about the things she needed and the things she wanted, about baseball and surprises.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Flybluejay](https://twitter.com/flybluejay_) as always. 
> 
> Amazing Mood Board created by [flowerofcarrots](https://twitter.com/flowerofcarrots?s=21)
> 
> [](https://ibb.co/WvH7QJH)  
> 

The air inside the room had been circulating for hours. It reminded Rey of the inside of a plane. It smelled too clean with just a hint of air freshener and coffee. 

Rey sneezed as soon as they walked in, Ben’s hand on her lower back, guiding them to their seats near the window. They could see everything.

“It’s a private box,” he had explained on the way in, pulling the tickets from his coat pocket as they neared the entrance.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I don’t have to share it with anyone.”

“Except me.”

She had noticed his smile as they took quick, long steps along the parking lot towards the stadium.

“Except you.”

His voice had taken on a deeper tone. She had figured out by now he was aware of this, that he knew what he was doing, how he sounded. Maybe he did it on purpose, she wasn’t sure yet.

Rey took in her surroundings. The private box was bigger than she expected. There was easily enough room for six or even eight people. There were two deep, full-length couches, comfortable chairs scattered about, two mini bars along the walls filled with options for alcohol, wine, beer and numerous snacks. It felt almost cozy with its low lighting and plush carpeting. Like the best kind of office party and dinner party combined.

“A waitress will come around in case we want anything extra.”

Rey raised an eyebrow. “Like a Rolls Royce? Or a tiger cub?”

Ben chuckled. He was the first man she’d met who actually laughed like that, as if he were trying to keep it to himself.

She wanted to ask him why he came here all alone, why he reserved such a large space just for him.

Maybe he came here with nephews. He probably had a sister. He didn’t seem the type to have a brother, someone to look up to or be a role model for. She could imagine him down on all fours on the floor in here, one boy across his broad back, skinny arms around his neck, the other nephew under him, laughing, feet kicking at his chest.

“Do you have a family?”

The question came out awkward and sideways, but she didn’t take it back. In fact, she looked at him expectantly.

And waited.

They were sitting side by side in chairs he had carefully slid together, in front of a long, faux-marble table pushed against the floor to ceiling window. The game had already started. It was the second inning. The sound of the crowd was muted on the other side of the glass.

A waitress came in then, Ben ordering a bottle of red wine and a bottle of champagne without pause or consideration. He knew what he wanted, right down to the name and year of the bottles.

Rey watched the waitress go, already a non-figure in Ben’s world. She continued to wait.

He had held her hand as he led her to her chair, held it as she sat down, held it while he sat down beside her.

Only now did he let go.

He cleared his throat, fist tight at his lips.

“Are you asking me if I have a wife and kids?” He was looking at her.

Rey froze. Her hand lay open on her lap, empty where he’d left it.

She scooped up her confidence with both hands.

“I…want to know everything.”

There was some sense of passive authority in her words. 

He was still looking at her.

He made a noise between his teeth that sounded like _mmhm._

“I’m not married. I have no children. I have one older sister, but we’re not close. My parents live here and in California and they’re still together.” 

Rey ran after his words, gathering them in her arms for safe keeping. It wasn’t enough.

“What does your sister do? Does she have children?”

Ben shook his head. “She’s a Doctor.”

Rey pushed aside the image that tried to arise, Ben and his sister at their parents’ house _(upstate? here in the City?)_ for Thanksgiving, the too-tall, too-rich siblings quiet but respectful at the dinner table, sipping glasses of sweet white wine, making polite small talk, putting in their time with their parents and one another once a year.

She imagined he wore a suit to Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe a sweater and jeans, something soft and comfortable. He probably offered to help his Mom with the dishes, a thick dish towel thrown over his shoulder while he worked at the sink.

“Do you always wear a suit?”

Ben laughed now. The sound felt open, carefree for the first time since he had arrived at her ticket booth.

Rey refused to let go or forget it. That laugh belonged to her.

“Believe it or not, I don’t.”

The waitress returned with a tray holding two bottles, already open, four gleaming glasses between them.

She placed everything on the table in front of them, asking which they wanted first. The opened bottle of champagne was placed in a bucket of fresh ice, a white cloth wrapped around its center.

Ben looked at Rey, fingers covering his mouth, his elbow on his knee. He hadn’t looked at the waitress once.

“The red please.” She tossed her ponytail over her shoulder, smiling up at the woman, offering enough civility for the both of them.

They watched as she carefully poured, waiting until she left to move. Ben proceeded to add more to his glass, not satisfied with the waitress’ pour.

He moved the bottle out towards Rey, but she shook her head.

He held up his glass. Rey did the same. The wine glass felt too large for her hand, it nearly disappeared in his.

“Cheers.” His voice was quiet, almost solemn. 

Rey nodded, placing her glass beside his with a small _tink._

“Cheers.”

She watched Ben take his first drink, his eyes never leaving hers.

Rey pulled the wine glass away from her lips, smiling, her tongue splashed dark red. “So it’s just for work then? The suits?”

She hadn’t forgotten where they left off.

His skin smoothed out across his face, calm, hidden. He took another long sip, the wine briefly staining the inside of his bottom lip before he pulled it back inside his mouth.

“Yes, just for work.”

The wine propped up her next question, giving it legs.

“What do you wear at home then? A fuzzy robe and slippers?”

The word _home_ came out sticky and rough on her tongue. A home, _Ben’s_ home. Did he have a home? Of course he did. What did it look like? Was it big and sparse or small and cozy? Did he live in the City or somewhere else, some place with a yard and a real front porch?

She crossed her legs beneath the table, locking her foot behind his calf.

Another swallow of wine, finishing off the glass. Ben reached for the bottle, but Rey spoke first.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever met anyone quite like you.”

Ben didn’t look at her for a while. When he did, his gaze was sharp, focused. Rey returned it.

Ben smiled with careful, uneven lips. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say?”

Rey watched as he poured more wine in her glass while she was holding it, not spilling a drop. She wondered where his mistakes took place. In private? Under the cover of night when no one was watching?

“You don’t need to feed me a line. And besides, I mean it.”

She swirled the wine just like she had seen him do when the waitress first poured their drinks. Every bartender she knew in the Village and in Midtown told her this really didn’t do a damn thing. It just made the person drinking it feel important, selective.

Rey continued swirling her wine, pulling Ben closer with her foot draped around taut muscle beneath his pants leg. She wanted to strip him bare, see all of him.

He hummed, a deep sound from somewhere low in his chest.

“I’m flattered. I like having your full attention.”

Rey swallowed more wine.

“Well…you do.”

She watched his face for a flash of something, _satisfaction? Desire? Arrogance?_ She hadn’t told him anything he didn’t already know.

Instead he leaned forward, nodding, swallowing slowly, empty wine glass dangling in his hands between his legs.

“Do men hit on you?”

Rey blinked.

“What?”

He sat back in his chair, eyes still on the field, on the half-filled seats below them. “At the theater. Do the men who come to see those movies hit on you?”

Rey reached for the bottle on the table, but his hand stopped her, fingers on top of hers, curled around the bottle.

“Let me.”

While he filled her glass, Rey considered her next words.

“Some do, yes. But I don’t pay them any attention.”

“Until you do.” He put the bottle back on the table. His glass was full now.

His hand was at her waist, arm wrapped around her body, eventually rubbing the middle of her back, fingers rubbing deeper on rope-like muscles caught beneath his touch. When he reached the grooved snaps of her bra he didn’t pull back or move away.

He sat back, bringing her with him, eyes on the game beyond the window but she knew he wasn’t watching. She knew he didn’t care to explain the rules of the game to her even if she wanted to know. It was just background noise, all of it. 

She felt it when he shifted in his seat to look at her. She sat perfectly still under his gaze, enjoying being watched by him. 

“I can never look at you without you seeing me first.” 

His voice was quiet, heavy in her ear. He’d turned to tuck his nose against her jaw as he spoke.

She sat beside him, closer than ever, not saying a word. She faced forward on purpose. She didn’t dare look at him as she spoke.

“I like looking at you.” 

She felt him smile. She didn’t need to cut her eye over at him to prove it, but she did anyway. His hand was still on her back, clearly sketching his name, three simple letters, across her spine with the tips of his fingers.

“I’m sure you get that a lot.”

He shrugged, infuriating in his casualness.

“I only listen when I want to.”

Rey laughed, pitched forward in her seat, his hand on her back following her, his gaze doing the same.

She felt herself become rushed and rambling beside his cool, collected exterior.

“Not even when you have to, then?”

She looked back at him, still leaning forward in her seat. His hand dipped, moving beneath the bottom of her soft tank top, finally putting his skin to hers. He continued to rub at her muscles.

Rey shivered.

“I listen to you.” 

Rey closed her eyes, his hand running smooth lines from the base of her neck to the bottom of her back, turning to use his knuckles half-way through.

“I know you do,” she breathed out, not opening her eyes.

Rey sat up straight so he could touch every part of her he could reach. His hands moved _up, up, up_ until fingertips touched the back of her neck. He tugged gently once, twice on the clasp of her golden chain.

“Who gave you this?” He was rolling the clasp between his fingers now, his forearm resting along the entire length of her spine.

Rey shook her head. “No one. I bought it for myself.”

His first three fingers slid between the chain and her neck, touching the space where her hair was pulled taut, upwards.

Rey’s bones turned to ash, her blood ran hot as lava, thick and slow through her veins.

“Keep your eyes closed.” 

Rey did as he asked, his hand rubbing her neck, fingers on each side now, arm still beneath her shirt.

Her breathing was deep, measured, as she felt him shift in his seat to sit up straight just like her. She could imagine him tucking his ankles in close, one kneecap brushing against her leg and remaining there.

“What would you like to pretend we’re doing right now?” 

His words were slow and careful, taking his time, trying out his impulses, his assumptions about her.

But it was there; an understanding of her and all the things she thought about, all of the places and people she imagined.

No one had ever asked her this before. She felt relief flood her body.

Rey took a deep breath, hands perfectly still on her lap. She carefully collected all of her thoughts, eager to turn them loose, to share them with him.

Ben was still beside her, waiting patiently.

“We’re on our first date. We met at the movies but that doesn’t count. Maybe you’ve been watching me for a while from afar and finally gathered the nerve to ask me out one night. Maybe I’ve been watching you, just waiting for you to do it, to ask me, knowing I would say yes.”

She felt him move closer, arm around her waist, his watch cool on her warm skin. His hand rested on her bare stomach. She could hear, could feel his breathing, in and out, even and steady.

“And finally, you did. And I was _so_ happy.” 

She was smiling, her perfectly symmetrical teeth on display, dimples buried deep in her cheeks. Her voice had taken on a new lilt, a higher pitch, delighted in this game he wanted to play with her.

Rey had never had a playmate before, someone to share her make-believe world with.

“Or maybe... you brought me here for our Anniversary. You know how much I love baseball, especially the Yankees. So we’re here to celebrate. But it isn’t now...it’s...1950.”

She heard Ben move to the untouched bottle of champagne, the soft pour, the loud fizz of the bubbles as they surged towards the top of the glasses.

“Which was…so kind and thoughtful of you. Thank you.”

She felt as a glass was placed in her hand.

“You’re welcome.” Ben entered her dreamscape seamlessly, his voice soothing and easy.

Rey opened her eyes to see him standing up, holding his hand down for her to take, a glass of foaming champagne in the other.

“Happy Anniversary, my love.”

Rey didn’t miss a beat, taking his hand to stand, raising her glass to meet his.

“Happy Anniversary to us.” 

They clinked glasses, Rey watching Ben’s mouth as he drank his champagne. 

“It’s a shame you didn’t wear that dress you know I love so much,” He murmured, pulling her close. Rey stood on her tiptoes; arms wrapped around his neck.

“Oh? And which one is that?” Rey’s body swayed against his, almost as if they were dancing. Ben’s hands were crossed at the wrist and loose at her lower back, both still holding their celebratory glasses. 

Ben hummed in the back of this throat, pleased. “You know the one…red...backless...I bought it for your birthday that one year….”

Rey pressed her mouth to the collar of his shirt, letting herself smile, nod. 

“Yes, I know it well…” 

He was good at this...so very, very good, better than Rey could have ever imagined. 

Ben pulled her in, his lips a Cupid’s bow, pink and full, at her cheek. 

“We should go away...to the coast...you’re only married for 20 years once…” 

His words fell away from Rey’s ears, landing with a soft thud in the dreamy haze surrounding them as Ben turned her face to his, long fingers on the front and sides of her neck to kiss her, gently keeping her in place right in front of him. 

Rey felt the room shrink down to the size of them, leaving the players on the field and fans in the stands somewhere in outer space, on some other planet, in another solar system, far, far away from where they stood. Ben pulled her _up, up, up_ until she thought she would float away, his mouth covering hers, his tongue warm. He tasted like the mint of his toothpaste and flat champagne, his last cigarette. 

He pulled away, teasing her with small kisses, his lips making quiet sounds against hers, knowing she wanted more. His fingers played at the front of her throat, heavy thumb rolling over muscle and veins, feeling her breathe in and out. 

“Ben…” Her voice was a strangled whisper, clinging to his crisp shirt collar that had never seen a wrinkle a day in its life. 

He nodded, eyes at half-mast, taking her in. “How many ways will you let me have you?” His own voice was stifled, burned down to a rasp of brazen want. 

Rey studied his face, just like this, broad and misshapen, wanting her, mouth open, nose pushing at her temple, waiting for a reply. 

She breathed out against his neck, letting her desires settle across his chest. 

“Countless,” echoing a word he’d used when she’d asked him what he wanted to do with her. 

She inched closer, bit by bit to the tip of the scorpion's tail, feeling her way across the body of a weaponless man. 

Another kiss, this time her head tipped back as far as it could go, her mouth and airways swallowed whole by him, Rey impatient to let go, to sit content in the belly of the whale. 

A shadow figure appeared in the room, she hadn’t heard the brief knock on the door, and now the figure was at Ben’s side while he held her away at a distance, whispering into his ear after a hurried, ever-so-brisk, _“I’m sorry sir.”_

Rey watched as Ben listened, brows coming together, looking at her once the person was on their way back out of the room just as quickly as they came. 

He still held onto her, preparing his apology in his head. 

“I have to go, but….” 

Rey heard the rest as if he had pushed her head underwater, his words muted and blurred. She watched his lips move, saying what he needed to say before grabbing his coat and pulling a piece of paper from the front pocket, an expensive blue pen from the same place. 

He bent over the table, letting her go, quickly writing down a series of numbers. 

“Only you have this number,” He assured her, placing the paper in her hand. 

He kissed her on the forehead, squeezed her arm and was gone. 

Rey stood there, watching him go, a mythical creature under the cover of night, all on his own, less real than he’d been only moments before beside her.

He’d told her to stay, to please know he would have his driver pick her up when the game was over, but Rey was tired of standing still, tired of waiting. 

She clutched the piece of paper, a phone number scribbled in blue ink on one side, shoving it in the back pocket of her jeans.

She grabbed her purse, leaving her glass of champagne behind, and left the private box. She made her way downstairs until she reached the bottom and jogged out onto the sidewalk where a line of taxis were waiting to take home drunken revelers after the game.

Rey walked over to the taxi at the front of the queue, climbing in back, pointing between the slats of bulletproof glass at the long, black town car pulling out of the parking lot.

“Follow that car. Go wherever it goes, please.”

The meter flipped on, the cab driver grunting, looking at her once, twice in the rearview mirror but she paid him no mind, settling back in the seat, watching Ben’s car from her window. 

The taxicab pulled out onto the highway, staying close enough so Rey could see they hadn’t lost him.

She understood very well this was something new, something different for her. She was exploring his world now, without his permission, stretching, expanding their time together into something one-sided, out of balance, an object tangible and robust.

Rey could hide in plain sight too.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but before it died, it made sure to catch and eat the canary.

Rey would learn all about Ben, before he knew a thing about her, remaining a mystery for as long as she liked.

The thought made her stretch out luxuriously in the backseat of the taxi, pretending for a brief moment this was her own personal car with her very own chauffeur who knew just where she wanted to go.

She peered through the front windshield, imaging she saw the silhouette of Ben in the backseat of his car. 

_What would happen if he saw her? If he got out of the car and she got out two steps behind, following him to wherever it was he was headed? Would he invite her to come along? Would he be angry she knew one little thing about him she hadn’t known before?_

_What if she didn’t like what she found at the end of the cab ride? What if she liked it too much?_

The cab stayed close behind the town car as it merged off the highway, headed towards Midtown, every signal light causing Rey’s heart to beat just a bit faster. 

There was a certain pleasure to be had in how she could make Ben out to be whoever she wanted him to be, to fantasize when his life was just a blank slate. When she doesn’t know a thing, when she knows nothing about him at all. 

_What blanks in her knowledge of Ben did she no longer want to fill in herself?_

Rey’s fingers fidgeted with her purse strap as the taxi stopped and started in traffic, the glare of Ben’s taillights soaking the inside of the cab in blood red. 

The town car stopped, changing lanes once it started to move again. Rey pressed her knees against the back of the seat, willing the cab to move forward, faster. 

Ben’s car had pulled up in front of Port Authority, coming to a complete stop. His driver emerged, moving to the back door, reaching for the handle. 

“Here, you can stop here!” 

Rey snatched her purse open, digging inside for a handful of bills, glancing quickly at the meter before tossing a fistfull of five’s and one’s down and into the driver’s lap. 

She looked up. Ben was getting out of the car, buttoning his suit jacket, shaking his driver’s hand. 

“Keep the change!” She called out, door open and slammed shut behind her as she ran through clusters of sitting junkies and late night commuters, running past the cars stuck in traffic. 

Ben was taking long strides, someone else was holding open a door leading into Port Authority, another man he stopped to shake hands with. 

Rey slowed down, moving from a steady run to a jog to taking slow, tired steps as she watched him walk inside, strolling towards the escalator before he was out of her sight. 

She stood there, watching the escalator moving up and down with no one on it. She could hear it’s hum and click from here. 

The evening was humid, her skin dewy, a fine bead of sweat lining her forehead and shoulders as she walked to the subway headed home. 

~ ~ ~ 

Rey picked up the phone in the foyer by its cradle, stretching the cord from the wall to carry it back to bed with her. 

She lay flat on her back, bare legs and feet stretched out and propped up on the wall in front of her after her shower. Her hair was wet, spread across the pillow like curled tentacles. She was wrapped in a soft blue towel tucked beneath her arms. It came down to the tops of her thighs, shrunken down from too many washes. 

The scrunched up piece of paper was still in the back pocket of her jeans which she had shucked off on her way to the shower. They lay pooled and rumpled by the mattress, where Rey reached down to tug the paper loose, smoothing it out across her thigh to read the hastily scribbled number. 

She ran her finger along the ink, _Ben_ and the phone number following. 

_Only you have this number…._ He’d told her. She believed him. 

That’s why she picked up the receiver with no hesitation, carefully dialing the numbers with her pointer finger, watching the dial spin backwards and right itself again. 

The line clicked and began ringing. Rey held her breath, readying herself to hear him in a whole new way, without seeing him, without being able to watch his face for signals and clues. 

_Hello?_

Rey’s eyes closed, almost on their own. She instantly brought up an image of him, sitting at home, maybe in his bedroom-turned-office where he took all of his calls. He was probably sitting at his desk, holding the phone in a hand larger, wider than the receiver. 

_Hello?_ Again, 

“Ben? It’s me, Rey.” 

There was a short pause. She could hear him smiling through the phone. 

“Rey, is it?” Another pause. “With an e?”

Rey nodded. “Yes, that’s right. R-E-Y.” 

A movement, a shuffle on his end. 

“What is it short for?” 

Rey looked towards the ceiling, curling the phone cord around her hand, legs still stretched out along the wall. 

“Reylene. I...know it sounds like the name of some waitress in Kentucky.” 

Ben laughed, surprised and amused at her remark. 

“I like it. _Rey_.” He repeated it again, just for himself. 

There was an awkward pause and she almost asked him to say it again just so she could hear it but he was speaking again. 

“I am sorry I had to leave you this evening. I would like to make it up to you.” 

Rey swallowed before she could belt out, _yes,_ instead taking her time, listening to his light breathing through the phone. 

“Oh? Will you tell me where we are going this time?” 

Another sound, he had switched the phone to his other ear. 

“If you like, yes. We can go wherever you want as well.” 

“It’s up to me now?” Rey twisted the cord harder until it left a mark, deep white lines across her palm. 

“Mmm hmm. It’s all up to you.” 

Rey actually laughed, hand covering her mouth. 

“Don’t you think this is all a bit...wild?” She was whispering now. She didn’t know why. It felt like she should be under bed sheets with Ben, holding up their matching flashlights, telling one another scary stories. It was late and her mind was playing games with her now. 

She cleared her throat, shaking her head to both rattle and align her thoughts. 

“Wild?” Ben’s voice was deep now, he was amused again at her words. 

“Yes I mean...I suppose....” Rey pulled the phone cord tight again. It pinched at her skin. “It all feels so..I don’t know what.” A beat. “ _Wild._ ” She repeated it again.

“Hmm,” Ben hummed, his voice low, quieter now. She pictured him leaning back in his office chair. 

“And I’m...not sure I know what to do with that...with...you.”

It wasn’t an admission of defeat, but an honest invitation. 

Ben’s voice came through the phone cloaked in velvet and silk, his words a murmur, barely leaving the edge of his mouth, hanging by a thread of desire from his lips. 

_“Tame me.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags have been updated. x
> 
> Thank you to [Flybluejay](https://twitter.com/flybluejay_) as always. 
> 
> [](https://imgbb.com/)  
> 

_ Tame me…. _

__

His words swirled around Rey’s head, illuminating each nerve ending with different colors, casting vibrant shades across her tongue; she could taste them as they settled.

She closed her eyes, lips, light peach and soft, against the phone.

“Where are you?” She was fearless now, unafraid after she had followed him, after she had watched him go someplace without knowing she was there. She could ask him anything now.

_ Where were you going?  _ She wanted to ask instead.

Well, almost anything.

“I’m at home. Just like you.”

Rey smirked even though he couldn’t see it.

“You have no idea where I’m calling from. I could be at a pay phone anywhere . ”

Another shift in his chair.

“It’s awfully quiet wherever you are.”

Just the faintest din could be heard from outside her windows, casual traffic this time of night.

Rey shrugged, another movement he wasn’t privy to.

He yawned, his large jaw stretching wide.

“Everything okay?” She knew it was a silly thing to ask.

“I can’t sleep.” His voice was tired, confessional.

Rey’s laugh was breathy, pushed right up against the receiver.

“That’s what porn theaters are for.”

There was an intake of breath on his end of the line, then a short laugh as if she’d punched him in the gut.

“Ouch. I guess I deserve that.” 

Rey was smiling. She liked him like this, playful, light.

“How was the rest of the game?” His voice had lost its dreamlike quality from before, his words steeped in nonchalance now.

Rey wasn’t letting him get away that easy. 

“Is that why you think I called? To talk about the game?” Rey crossed one ankle over the other against the wall.

A small laugh and then, “What  _ did _ you call to talk about, little Rey?”

She blinked, not used to her name on his lips.

She took a deep breath and then, “I didn’t want the night to end.”

She could be brave. She could be anything she wanted.

She heard him move again, a little grunt as if standing from where he sat. She wanted to crawl through the phone and sit at his feet where he stood.

There was a rough rumble in his chest, his next words scratching their way across his throat as he spoke.

“ _ Mmm. _ What was your favorite part of the evening?”

She could hear it in his voice; he wanted to know, wanted her to indulge him.

And she wanted to.

“Being there…with you…. alone, well almost alone.”

A hum of agreement on his end.

“Yes, that was nice.”

Another deep breath. “And when we…when you…played along with me. Pretending to be my husband. My boyfriend. All those things.”

She pictured him nodding on his end, running a hand over his mouth.

“Do you like that? Playing make-believe? Pretending to be someone else?”

Rey bit the tip of her tongue with the front of her teeth, ready to burst at the seams.

“Yes, I do. Very much. I…liked doing it with you.”

“Do you want to do it again?”

“...Yes.”

“With me?”

“Yes.”

“…. Only me?” 

Rey knew she was  on the periphery of something new; something more than a fantasy was slowly unfolding and opening itself, crinkling lightly right in front of her.

“Yes. Only you.” 

Rey could hear him swallow, thinking over his words carefully before speaking, not out any sense of apprehension. He knew what they were about to do, he was a willing and interested participant.

“What else do you want?” 

Rey opened her mouth to answer, but he wasn’t finished.

“Do you want someone to play with you all the time? Or just sometimes?”

“I…want as much as you’re willing to give.” Her admission came out as a breathy, jumbled mess but she was telling the truth. She was greedy and wanted every single part of him, bit by bit, inch by inch, mile by mile.

“Okay. Alright.” His voice was just above a whisper now, taking in what she’d said.

“What do you want right now? While we’re talking on the phone?” 

Rey didn’t want to think about what she said. She wanted to let go and turn loose of the first thing that came to mind.

“I want to be alone with you the next time I see you. No other people around. And I want you to say yes.”

“Okay. Yes.” His voice was low, agreeable.

There was silence between them. Rey needed him to speak first.

“Do you want someone to make you come while you call them Daddy? Is that what you want? Or do you want to make someone suffer while you take whatever you want?”

Rey absorbed his words, almost expecting them. She felt her body relax against the bed, her legs warm and tingling.

This was exactly what she wanted.

“I do. But stop saying someone. Just say you.”

“Do you want me to make you come while you call me Daddy? Or do you want to make me suffer while you take whatever you want?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to hold you down and lick your pussy until you can’t speak or make a sound?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to slap your cunt?”

“Yes.”

He made the _ T _ on the end of cunt stretch for miles, hollowing her out.

“What if I fucked you as hard as I could somewhere that everyone could see?”

“Y-Yes…” Her voice was a hiccup.

Something trapped itself in Rey’s throat, wrapping itself around her vocal cords, grabbing hold of her lungs and shaking her rib cage like a captive rattling prison bars, desperate for escape.

She pressed the tips of two fingers against her folds, the same hand that had been resting on her stomach and pubic bone since she’d heard Ben’s voice on the phone. She was dripping wet just lying there, listening to him.

“Are you touching yourself?” She asked.

A shuffle, more muted movement and Rey knew that he was. A thrill hit her belly knowing she was the cause of it, the reason for it.

“Tell me,” she whispered. Her towel was long gone. She lay naked on the mattress, her skin hot and prickly now, no longer cool, or full of water droplets from the shower. She ran hot at the sound of his voice, legs spread just enough for her fingers to move around the way she liked.

“I’m sitting in my office at home, at my desk. I’ve been hard since my phone rang, knowing it was you. My legs are spread out beneath my desk…my hand is on my cock.”

“How?”

“How am I touching myself?” He answered his own question. “I’m pressing the bottom of my palm against the base of my cock, moving slow until I reach the tip.”

“How hard?” Rey’s voice was like gravel.

“Harder the longer we talk…harder the more I hear your voice, that filthy little voice of yours.”

Rey smiled to herself, wide and indulgent.

“I am too. Touching myself, I mean.”

There was a quick intake of breath on his end, and Rey pushed her body down deeper into the mattress, pleased at how she could make him feel with just her words.

“Fuck…” His voice was half-mumble, half-sigh.

“I was wet all night. I am every time I’m with you.” 

_ “Rey…” _

“I’m squeezing my thighs together right now, with my fingers inside. I like a lot of pressure…” Her voice sounded childlike to her own ears, familiar and new at the same time.

“How many fingers?” Ben’s voice was tight, barely there.

“Just two…” Rey left the sentence undone, left it open for him.

“ _ God _ …will mine even fit?”

It was a question born of simple lust, his voice jolted in and out of place as he rubbed himself faster now.

“I hope so…” Rey pulled him in, tugged him closer through the invisible wire that held them at a distance but always connected.

Rey thumbed at her clit, sending a shock wave up her spine. She was lightheaded, dizzy with need.

“Do you need me to be Daddy sometimes?”

Rey nodded, pulling a finger from her other hand between her teeth.

“I do.”

_ “Jesus Christ….” _ Ben sounded both far away and right beside her now.

Rey was wound tight, her entire body stretched, plastered to the mattress, to the wall, held under the spell of his voice, joints jittering in place.

The things he said…the things he was saying weren’t rehearsed lines, spoken and practiced to perfection with someone else. No, these words were just for her and Rey knew it.

His breathing was no longer uneven, but ragged and desperate.

“What do you want to do to me?” Rey heard herself ask, genuinely curious. She didn’t ask only for her ego, she asked so that she could pull one more secret from him, tucking it away for herself, adding it to her collection.

There was a brief moment where nothing was said before, “I would decorate your body.”

Rey closed her eyes, her fingers pulling down her pleasure from the inside.

“Oh? In what?”

It sounded like he could barely get the words out but out they came. “My cum. Jewels, diamonds, fur, whatever. Just...”

More slapping, hard rubbing sounds, his breathing sharp, broken.

“Just…?”

She knew he would come first. She wanted exactly that.

“Decorate you with my body, cover you with my body…”

He was so careful, so elaborate with his words right up until the very end when he came undone against the phone, a low, dark sound in her ear, his chains rattling loose.

Rey smiled, satisfied. 

His breathing evened out, the other side of the line quieting down, winding to a close. 

Rey would keep her pleasure to herself, for another day. 

“Rey…” He was there, checking in on her. 

She shook her head. “No, I didn’t. That’s for you.”

He was straightening up, cleaning himself up as best he could, she figured. There was probably a box of Kleenex on his desk. 

“For me? Just for me?” 

“Yes. To give it to me however you want.” 

Ben’s breath stuttered, his next words distorted and lurched forth at her. 

“I’m going to turn you inside out.” 

The man who went to see those movies late at night, by himself, that was the man Rey wanted. 

That was the Ben she was going to have. She would crawl in his lap during a movie next time no matter what Babs or anyone said and distract him from whatever was going on up on the screen. He would only be able to pay attention to her.

~~~

Rey was walking down 44 th Street between 7th and 8th Avenues mid-day, a breeze making the otherwise miserably hot day bearable. It was her day off. She was wearing her favorite pair of sunglasses, red tint, and gold on the sides. 

The streets smelled like food, peanuts and hot dogs burning on every corner. There was smoke and heat waves coming off the grill when the street vendor turned over sausages and pretzels, calling out at the people passing by on their lunch break. It looked like a mirage somewhere in the desert when Rey looked for too long.

A car honked its horn across the street from where she stood, getting her attention on the busy street. The sidewalk was crowded but Rey could recognize that car, would know that slow, meticulous walk anywhere.

She watched Ben get out of his car, from the backseat like always, the door opened for him as he buttoned the middle button on his suit. Of course he was wearing a suit while everyone around him sweltered in the sauna of the City. He even dared to button it, further cutting himself off from comfort. He wore sunglasses too, oversized Ray Bans, as if that would disguise his size or presence. His hair was perfectly parted to the side, all elegant swoops, careful waves.

In any case, there he was. Right outside of a 24-hour porno shop, shaking another man’s hand, not smiling. He was all business, all the time.

But not with her.

He was speaking a coded, secret language that she wasn’t a part of. It was silent, out in the open, and she didn’t know what it meant only that it didn’t involve her. That was business, what he did with her was pleasure. 

Rey found herself walking across the street, dodging between the bumpers of cars despite their angry honks and shouts out the window. She didn’t even hear them, barely cared if they crashed into one another as she stepped up on the sidewalk a few seconds after he entered the store.

She had been two steps behind him.

Rey straightened her shoulders and tossed her hair back like she had seen women do in the movies when they were about to go after something or someone they wanted. Women who were on a mission. She wiped her palms on the side of her jean skirt, adjusted her purse on her shoulder as she walked towards the entrance to the store.

It was busy inside. A man stood at the payphone, flipping through a catalogue of women with pictures on every page, in color. Another group of men, together, but on their own hovered over the rack of magazines, women on the cover of every single one.

There was a low murmur when she walked in, their eyes for a moment drifting from the fantasy women on the pages to Rey, a real-life woman. They shifted, nervous under her gaze. They soon returned to their publications and intimate phone calls as if she too was a mirage.

Rey nodded at the young man behind the counter. She hoped her gesture was a mutual one, their own shared, secret language meant to show solidarity with someone who also spent their days watching others come and go to collect and discard their ecstasy at a price.

He looked her up and down, trying to decide if she was there to solicit services before going back to his Walkman, tucking the foam earphones between his long dreadlocks, turning it up to full volume, satisfied she was just another paying customer.

He had decided in those few seconds that she was ok, harmless. She was in here for reasons that he didn’t need or care to know. Rey imagined he found her curious or bored, maybe a high-functioning junkie here mid-day to gaze at different types of tits for a few bucks.

She knew that the reality was he wasn’t thinking about her at all.

Rey wandered down the narrow aisle, looking at each man she passed. They all avoided her eyes, only daring to look at her when they thought she had moved her gaze elsewhere, not letting themselves stare until she was walking away.

There were private Peep Show booths in the back of this bookstore alongside one wall. Rey always knew she would end up back here. The signs out front facing the street let you know everything you could expect once you walked inside. Discretion was bad for business.

She moved closer, looking over her shoulder once more as if waiting for someone to tell her to stop, to say that she wasn’t allowed to go back there. But she knew her money was as green as anyone else’s, so she continued, running one hand along the thick, velvet curtain that obscured the door to the booths.

Rey pulled back the edge of the curtain, sticking her head in to look around. It was only semi-dark, and all of the booths seemed empty except for one, at the far end, furthest away.

Rey slipped behind the curtain, making her way to the box at the end of the row, her sandals making soft  _ tap-tap _ sounds on the concrete floor.

But she knew that he knew she was coming, knew that she was close by.

“Almost there…” she whispered to herself, to him.

She stopped in front of the box, wanting to knock. She opened the door instead, the hinges groaning, announcing her arrival.

He was sitting with his back to her, hands in his lap. His coat was tossed on the small table in front of him. She could tell his tie was undone at the top, his shirt collar unbuttoned, loose in the warmth of the booth. The automatic shade on the window in front of him was down, no woman on display for now. There was no one else in the booth, no one else watching.

They were alone, just like she’d asked.

Rey took one step inside, letting the door close with a slow creak behind her.

She stood there for a second before moving closer, walking until she was standing directly behind him, close enough to watch his breathing, quiet enough to hear it, his shoulders rising and falling in perfect rhythm, his body heat making the small booth even hotter.

Rey leaned forward, raising both hands to hover at his shoulder blades, moving, sliding them to rest on top of his shoulders. She didn’t stay there long, letting her body tilt against his back, her hands traveling further down his body, past his collarbone, feeling her way across the planes of his chest and rib cage where she counted his breaths, standing on tip toes until she practically hung over his shoulders.

He moved his hands from his lap up to grasp her hands, her wrists. She could see their reflection in the glass, another velvet curtain on the other side.

Ben pulled at her arms, dragging her body higher, closer against him, her chin grazing, resting on the crown of his head until her feet barely touched the ground.

He pressed a kiss against her arm, running his lips over her skin after. He tugged on her wrist once, twice.

“Come here.” His head was turned, his voice a calm rumble.

Rey felt him let go of her. She walked around until she stood in front of him blocking the window where another woman should be.

He started at her feet, taking in her long, tan legs, her short denim skirt, the hint of stomach showing between her tank top and her skirt. He let his gaze stay there for a beat longer than anywhere else before moving up to her breasts, no need for a bra. It was too hot for one anyway. He swallowed, eyes darting across her bare collarbone and shoulders, staring at her smooth neck.

He was looking at her mouth when he moved his hand, tugging on the bottom of her skirt with two fingers.

“ _ Come here _ ,” he repeated, tugging twice, once for each word.

Rey took two small steps between his legs before lowering herself on one of his thighs, facing the other. He held her hand until she was fully seated. Then his hand was on her back, rubbing, soothing as if she had come to him for comfort, for shelter.

This was so close to what she wanted, to be in Ben’s lap, alone, letting him move her body the way he wanted. She turned her head to look him over, trying to decide what she wanted to do with his body. 

But Ben brought his other leg closer, giving her his entire lap to sit on, pulling her back to his chest until she faced the window in front of them. Her feet barely touched the floor again. The realization made her head spin.

“Are you happy?” His question was sincere, one arm wrapped tight around her waist.

Rey nodded.

“I am.” Her voice sounded small in the booth, whereas his voice loomed large, rolling in low waves at her feet, echoing across the walls surrounding them no matter how quietly he spoke.

He nodded, chin on her shoulder. His head was heavy. She could feel him staring down her body, his breathing shallow against her back.

Rey watched as Ben’s free hand rested on her thigh, fingers gripped at the skin hidden beneath her skirt that inched up higher and higher on her waist. 

“Who are you right now?” Ben whispered, his lips against the top of her shoulder. His hand was all the way under her skirt now, resting on the fleshiest part of her thigh, massaging skin and muscle while pulling her hips back towards him. Or maybe she was rocking her hips all on her own, she wasn’t sure anymore.

Rey didn’t know how to answer. She felt all woman right now, able to smell her own arousal rubbing against his thighs, her toes pointed up and out, expectant. She swung her legs and feet between his now, reaching back to tug at the end of her high ponytail, letting herself feel like a little girl in his lap too.

“I’m yours,” was her answer, a sing-song tone to her voice that was teasing, inviting him to take more but she meant it. She was Rey and he was Ben and she wanted him just like this, writhing in his lap while he held her, fingers pushing at the side of the one thong she owned.

“Are you?” His question was rhetorical, the push and pull of her body telling all he needed to know, what he found between her legs wet and slippery, her desire reserved just for him.

“And you’re mine,” she said simply, lips tight and then open in the smallest _ o _ shape when his fingers grazed her pussy, large and graceful against her. He rubbed back and forth, side to side with one side of his fingers, then the other.

He didn’t argue, instead he pressed his full lips to her neck, playing curious at the skin there with his tongue and teeth, nipping then licking.

His hand covered her entire pussy now, his long middle finger resting loose and warm against the middle of her ass. His pointer finger tucked just inside her folds, his thumb resting on her clit.

He pulled his mouth away for just a moment to speak his admiration, his obsession to her.

“I’ve dreamt of this pussy my whole life. I didn’t think such a perfect thing existed.” He was shaking his head slowly, lips moving against the space just below her ear.

_ A perfect thing… _ Rey felt ten feet tall.

“Baby…Rey…one finger is barely fitting.” His breath was a hot puff of air on her neck, her jaw. She could see his ink-black hair falling over the side of his face out of the corner of her eye.

“Call me baby again….” Her voice was lower than usual, near gasping for air with just this little bit of him.

“This pussy is mine now baby….do you know that? My cock belongs in it…as far as it can go.” He held her pussy close, could probably feel her heartbeat, her blood pumping for him against the palm of his hand.

“How do you want it baby, hmm? How do you want my cock?”

Rey could feel it beneath her, long and hard, endless possibilities running wild through her imagination.

_ Take me like you’re a soldier who hasn’t seen his wife in over a year, lonely and broken. _

_ Fuck me like it’s a drunken first date on a roommate’s pull-out couch, fast and eager. _

_ Make love to me like your mistress, guilty and free. _

“However you want,” she breathed out, imaging all of the movies he had seen, wanting to do the same things to some woman and now he was going to do them to her.

Ben groaned against her, nearly a whine as his finger moved deeper, the noise wet and slow.

“So fucking  _ small _ …” he marveled, his finger pulling at her walls, another finger waiting to slip inside. When it did, she felt Ben’s chest expand behind her, his other hand bruising her hip bone, squeezing into her with his forearm all across her stomach. 

“So tiny…never…felt anything like this before…” 

Her legs shook against his, eyes closed at the things he was saying to her but not for long. She stared at them in the window acting as a mirror, her legs dangling helpless, childlike, his hand beneath her barely-there skirt, his other arm still wrapped around her waist, eyes watching hers in the window.

Rey realized there was so little she knew about the man beneath her, his age, his job, if he even had one, his last name, his favorite ice cream flavor. She knew his name was Ben  _ (Benjamin?)  _ and he liked to watch people fuck on-screen. She knew he liked to be watched and he liked to watch in equal measure.

Rey’s eyes flit all the way open, one hand on his arm, fingers still tucked safe inside her.

“Turn it on,” she said, nodding towards the window.

Ben reached in his pocket with the hand that had been around her waist, putting two quarters in the machine beside them, his long arms able to reach almost everything in the booth.

The window made a humming sound, the curtain slowly rising first to reveal a pair of fire-engine red platform shoes, torn black fishnet stockings next before the dancer dipped down to give them a closer look at her red lace bottom, nothing up top, her wig the same color red as her shoes. Glitter lined her kohl black eyes.

“Play with me,” Rey whispered. She was speaking to Ben but making eye contact with the dancer who was now looking at her. Rey was pleading with her. She wanted her to know she wasn’t here to take away her business. She was letting her off the hook, Rey the one being desired, the dancer the audience for once.

_ Please watch us, _ Rey’s gaze was almost urgent with the need for her to understand.

The woman continued to move slowly to some music that couldn’t be heard, only the low, steady hum of the window’s motor kept time.

Rey wanted more, more fingers inside her, more kisses on her collarbone, more dirty words whispered in her ear. She moved her body back against Ben’s, the woman’s body keeping time to the music they couldn’t hear, keeping her eyes on them the entire time.

Her heavy-lidded eyes moved downwards to watch Ben’s hand beneath Rey’s skirt, his arm and wrist moving back and forth, Ben watching Rey, head tilted down.

Rey wondered for a moment how old the woman was, 20? 40? Her make up and fishnets concealed so much.

_ Do you wonder about us too? _

Ben was clawing at her now, desperate for her attention, wanting it all to himself, sensing it was elsewhere, watching someone else, watching the dancer instead of him. Rey was greedy, but Ben had been born thinking the entire world was his by right.

Rey twisted in his lap, legs spread wider for him, for the dancer, for herself so that she could feel more of Ben, more of everything. She could come like this but that wasn’t what she wanted.

She slid down Ben’s lap at the same time the window shade lowered, at the same slow speed until she was on her knees below him, the curtain drawn behind her, the woman disappearing.

Their time was up.

She reached behind her in one fluid motion to grab his suit jacket, sliding it beneath her knees and the cold, concrete floor.

Ben stared at her from above, mouth open, jaw slack with joy, anticipating pleasure, disbelief.

“Fuck… _ oh little one _ ….”

Rey wondered if he had heard himself, wondered if he knew what he’d just said to her out loud. It made her feel exactly how she’d felt when he called her that other name in the car.

_ Little pagan. _

He hadn’t wanted to know her name then. It was just two simple words that had made her feel small, that caused her body stretch and pull itself towards him in an effort to grow. 

She scooted closer to him; his legs open, large thighs spread on either side of her head. She put her hands on them, running her fingers up the smooth texture of his pants, feeling the chords of muscle beneath.

“I want to play with you now,” Her voice was soothing below him. She reached for his belt buckle and zipper with small, nimble fingers. She couldn’t wait to get him undone.

“Rey…” Ben sounded far away, hands outstretched near her face, she could smell her pussy on his fingers. He held her jaw, thumbing the space where her face met her ear.

She nodded, answering his unasked questions.  _ Yes, I’m here, down here on a dirty, cold floor, just for you. _

Rey pulled him out of his pants, no shame or hesitation set in the lines on his face, only delighted anticipation, the tension of waiting.

His cock was long and beautiful, just as she imagined it would be. She could wrap both hands around it with room to spare on all sides. It was her sole focus for so long she nearly forgot to look up at his face as she thumbed at the tip, eyes dragging over its length, feeling him breathe in ragged spurts above her.

Her mouth made a wet, eager sound when she reached for the head with her tongue, fat and flat on the underside of his cock. opening her lips slowly, showing him everything he wanted to see.

“Goddamn…fuck _ …. fuck…little baby…” _

His head fell back, boneless and limp on his long, pale neck thrown wide open to the ceiling, face skyward, completely lax with pleasure, mouth open. She could see his bottom lip from where she kneeled, sticking out, pouting in pleasure.

It was quite something to watch this man lose his all too practiced control at her touch.

Ben reached for her, eyes looking down through a darkened, glassy stare, grasping for her with both hands. Where he was once all polished edges, the spotless sides of him had gone rusty, his clear edges now cloudy.

Rey held onto the base of him, moving her mouth closer and closer to the center, lips stretched at the side, jaw aching already. She felt her eyes start to water and she was glad. She wanted him to see, wanted him to witness how far she pushed herself for him.

Ben was shaking his head, a mix of disbelief and a search for words he did not have.

_ “Kill me, kill me….”  _ Was his plea.

Rey was breathing deep through her nose. Her knees hurt, and her jaw was numb, but her mind was free of thought, light as air. She wrapped her other hand around him now, pulling a low whine from his throat, his hips jutted forward pushing more of himself in her mouth.

His hand shook as he reached into his pocket again, pulling out three quarters and plunking them into the machine in perfect succession,  _ one, two, three. _

Rey heard it start, could feel the vibration in the floor when the electronic shade began to rise behind her. She imagined it like some sort of twisted sunrise, a decadent eclipse instead of sunlight.

“She’s going to watch you suck my cock…” Ben managed to grind out, nodding up at the window.

Rey nodded, still holding onto him, her mouth still stretched out across his dick, drool hitting the top of her knee. She wondered if the women in the movies he watched at the theater drooled like this too.

The machine clicked over when the shade was all the way up. She could hear the sounds of her mouth sucking him off again. Every bone in her body yearned to turn around and face the dancer. She wanted to see her reaction to what they were doing, wanted to see her platform shoes and glittery face again.

His hands were on her again but moving slower, more thoughtful this time, fingers soothing the tender skin below her ears, thumbs rubbing at her sore jaw.

Rey hummed her thanks, eyes wide and focused on his face, the twitching muscles in his neck. She wondered if he wanted to come like this, in a porno booth, down her throat while another woman watched.

She would let him. She wanted this too.

But instead Ben reached down for her, pulling her up, hands under her arms, situating her in his lap facing the window, his cock covered in her spit bobbing between her open legs.

“Look.” His voice was a murmur against Rey’s temple, against her cheek as her gaze lifted to see the same dancer in front of them. She stood, still shifting her body to some unheard music, but her movements were slower now, just like Ben’s, who’s hands rested on Rey’s stomach, keeping her in place. His chest supported her back, forcing her to sit up straight.

The woman’s eyes were glassy and wide, from blow or lust, Rey wasn’t sure. But she was watching them, hands crawling up and down her stockinged thighs, doing her best to turn them on. It was still part of her job after all. The machine was still running.

Ben sat there exposed, without shame, Rey in his lap, his legs stretched out in front of them. He pushed aside her underwear with one finger, letting the tip of his cock rest against her.

The woman’s eyes darted down, following, watching what he had done. She mimicked the action, touching herself over her own underwear in just the same way.

Rey clawed at Ben’s hands, the tops of his thighs. He kept her body still with both hands, his hips moving just enough to touch her folds with the head of his dick.

“Ben…” Rey’s voice was small, just a little pleading. He liked that, her wanting more.

The dancer was still moving, still watching from her glass cage .

Ben nudged at Rey with his nose along the back of her neck.

“What’s next?”

~~ ~

Ben kept his hands on her all the way out of the shop, resting on her lower back, her hips. He kept them there on the short walk to the car. Once inside, he pulled her into his lap, pulling and turning her body until she faced him, legs on either side of his body in the seat. Her denim skirt rode up, pinching at her thighs until red lines appeared in her skin.

“Take me home,” she breathed against his cheek, the air conditioner doing its best to cool her skin from outside, from Ben. 

His hands were at her back, fingers resting in the deep crease of her spine. If he tried hard enough, he could pull her apart bone by bone.

His reply was a tight whisper, smoothing down her hair, staring at her chest. “Alright, baby.”

She didn’t care right now about seeing where he lived, the place he returned to every evening or every morning. No, she wanted him somewhere that was familiar to her, some place she could stumble into no matter the time of day or night and know exactly where she was. Someplace she had the upper hand.

She could go anywhere, could be anything with Ben in her mind but keep him right here on Earth with her the whole time.

“So much I want to…” Ben’s words were lost, muffled against the side of her face, her neck. He pushed down the straps of her tank top with long, loose fingers until the fabric served no purpose at all.

Rey shifted her hips, grinding down onto his cock through his pants. He was still hard, not allowing himself release until he had her all to himself, at least this time.

“Are you going to ride me?” He whispered at the base of her throat, fingers resting on her collarbone while he waited for an answer.

“Yes,” Rey breathed into his hair, head bowed to let her.

His driver dropped them off at her apartment in record time, Ben not letting her leave his lap, not allowing an ounce of freedom from his grip for a moment the whole way there which suited Rey just fine. She held onto his shoulders for dear life, pressed her mouth to his neck, tugged at his collar and tie until he stopped her with both hands, telling her they had arrived, that the car had stopped in front of her building.

Rey nodded mutely, body numbed out with pleasure, with the inevitable.

The driver opened the door. Ben climbed out first. For a moment, the only part of him she could see was his hand as he offered it to her from outside the car. The same hand she had watched him give to random men on the street, in alleyways, to shake. This was a hand that made deals, that made sure its owner got his way.

Rey let herself be pulled from the backseat, taking his hand, sealing their own deal, making her own pact with him.

She blinked as if seeing Ben for the first time. Here he was, existing in the daylight, standing in the sunshine, not a creature of the night at all, but a real, live being waiting for her now, about to enter her apartment. He would see her things. He would spread his long body on her bed, eat her food, drink her tap water, finish her one bottle of wine.

She wouldn’t recall how or what they looked like as they walked into the lobby and up the stairs. They could have been flying or walking hand in hand and it would have made no difference at all to how she felt or what she would remember.

She was only aware of the feeling that came over her as she unlocked the door, letting him in first, seeing him stand in her small foyer, her shoe rack and record player beside him. The space around him daring to swallow his body for once instead of the other way around. 

Rey was  _ pleased. _

She put her purse and keys on the wobbly table by the door. She kicked off her sandals leaving them where they fell. Everything about this was normal. These were all things she did when she came home any other time. Except now she was standing in front of him, her bare feet stretched out on her cool, hardwood floors in the middle of the day, his suit jacket thrown over one arm.

They hadn’t said a word since leaving the car.

They had bid the dancer goodbye, Ben leaving a $50 bill on the table, Rey watching as she blew them a kiss. Her red nail polish was chipped, Rey noticed, and she almost waved farewell but thought better of it as Ben led her out of the booth, zipped up and made presentable, impeccable once again. He had even straightened her ponytail for her before opening the stall door to leave.

They had walked through the store as if nothing had happened, Rey taking on the confidence of Ben, walking with her head held high, sunglasses on, both of them. People stared, the men in the store, the young man behind the counter, but they were oblivious to and above all of it.

Ben had been unable to hold himself back, touching her everywhere he could in the car, promising all sorts of dirty, debauched things that thrilled Rey to her core.

But now Ben was smiling, running a hand through his hair, brushing it over to the right side like always. His Ray-Bans sat in his shirt pocket, warm from the sun.

“You haven’t even kissed me yet.” His voice was curved outward, almost a question, making an observation that clearly disappointed him.

Rey shrugged. “When would I have had the chance?” 

She counted her steps,  _ one, two, three _ over to where he stood, standing on tip toe, hands on his shoulders to give him a tiny, chaste peck on the cheek.

Ben hummed, wrapping one long arm around her small waist.

“You know better than that,” He murmured against her temple, pulling her close, hand squeezing at the place her ribcage met her breast, hard bone, and soft muscle.

Rey shrugged, shoulder brushing against his chest. She could play coy and shy too.

Wasn’t that what he was doing? Playing? He couldn’t possibly be nervous.

“Do I?”

Rey reached down to slip her fingers through Ben’s, one hand only, leading him into the space that was both her living room and bedroom.

Sunlight came in through the huge windows, warming the room too much for this time of year. She walked over to her one air conditioner window unit above her bed, still holding Ben’s hand as he stood just behind her watching her switch it on. A low vibration started, releasing a stream of cold air directly on their bodies. Ben’s crisp white dress shirt fluttered across the tops of his arms, his chest.

Rey let him wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her towards him, her back to his chest. She turned her head and kissed him, a strong urge to stand on her tip toes again. But she made him do the work instead, bending down to pull her in tighter, pillowy lips settling over hers, a low moan easing itself into her mouth from the back of his throat.

He was hard again. Maybe he had been since she walked into the peep show booth.

Rey hummed against his mouth, pulling away, leaving him to stare at her, his own mouth still open, lips wet and turning a deeper red as blood ran wild all over his body and face. His brow was wrinkled, confused.

Rey turned on her heels to face him, arms slung over his too-big shoulders. She wondered what size shirt he wore. How much his tailor charged for modifying his entire wardrobe.

Her head was tilted when she asked him what she’d wanted to know since he first stood in front of her ticket booth.

“Are we the people in the movies you watch? Am I the woman up there on the screen?” She toyed with his bottom lip, using a single finger to flip it back and forth slowly. She kept her voice low, comforting him as some sort of apology for asking what she did.

She could have kept these thoughts to herself, could have simply asked herself the question and never known the answer. She could have come up with an array of fantasies about what he thought of her, how he really saw her, but she wanted to know the reality instead.

Ben reached up with one hand to tug on the bottom of her ponytail, tilting her head back just enough for his lips to touch the place beneath her skin where her pulse ran fast, impatient.

“You’re better than them. We’re better than them.”

Rey smiled, staring at the top of his head, all the textures resting in his hair.

“We’re better than all of them,” She could feel his smirk at the front of her throat.

But she also knew he meant it.

“Better than everyone else in the whole wide world?” She asked, reaching to tease a piece of his hair around her finger.

Ben tugged her towards him until she was standing up straight. He turned their bodies so they faced the full-length mirror propped against the wall facing her bed.

He put one arm across her chest, the other around her waist. Rey’s eyes met his in the mirror.

“Look at us. Look at how we are together, how we must appear to other people.”

Rey stared at the image of their two bodies together. Ben looming above and all around her, arms that could wrap around her twice, dark hair and pale skin pressed against her tan arms and legs, her lined, wide eyes, and the matching dimples on their faces. Their mismatched smiles. Rey in thrift store denim and no shoes, Ben wearing cologne that never seemed to fade and shiny Italian dress shoes.

They made a striking pair. They looked good together.

“Yes,” Rey responded quietly.

She could see all of it. How they could so easily be seen as a couple out for an evening to see a show, toasting one another with expensive champagne, how that, how  _ they _ could turn into something much darker, something much more debauched and secret.

Maybe they were both things, both types of people.

Rey reached up to wrap her arms around Ben’s neck behind her, elbows facing the mirror. Ben’s eyes in the mirror traveled down to stare at her bare stomach as her top rode  _ up, up, up  _ her body. He pressed his hand there, pushing until his fingers left fading white circles against her brown skin.

“I can’t wait any longer.” Rey’s admission came out as a jumbled flood of words, shaking her head from side to side just for a moment before grinding her hips and ass back against Ben. 

He lunged forward, eyes wide in the mirror, gleeful with surprise, grabbing her hip bones to keep her in place before him. 

“No baby, you shouldn’t have to.” Ben’s words sparked fire across her shoulder just before she felt his knees knock against the backs of hers until they buckled, sending her to the floor. 

But instead he caught her and held on, easing her down on all fours with one arm around her, the other holding her steady, hand firm against her back as she floated to the ground.

There was a terrible beauty to him that scared her, a fierce defiance that would not be subdued. He had asked her to tame him but she would not. She liked to look.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://ibb.co/9gvbBbM)   
> 
> 
> Lovely commissioned piece by the one and only [pandacapuccino](https://twitter.com/pandacapuccino?s=21)

The weight of Ben’s body on top of her was at once both light and tremendous. The room suddenly didn’t feel like hers at all, eyes focused on the crooked swirl in the hardwood floor just below as Ben laid her gently down, cheek pressed against the cool surface. She let herself relax; palms flat by her head, knees rubbing the solid, aged floor below, skin turning red.

She felt Ben lift himself off her body and then he was gone. Instead of feeling lighter, she simply felt empty. She lay there waiting, listening to the way he breathed as he moved to stand. She watched as his polished shoes moved past her line of vision, long, smooth steps somewhere away from where he had left her.

There were noises coming from the kitchen, the faucet turning on and off, the grabbing of a hand towel from the cabinet knobs below the sink, the opening of the fridge and closing it again. All of Rey’s other senses were attuned to him and his motions, the sounds, the sensation of him in her tiny kitchen, tugging at her towel, holding a bottle of wine in his hand, a short cough as he looked it over, inspecting it for the year. She closed her eyes, seeing it all.

When he returned, he was without wine but instead stood at her dresser, opening drawers one by one, inspecting the contents inside. She could see his shoes again, could watch him shifting weight from one foot to another as he rifled through her things one drawer at a time. His movements were deliberate, slow. He was taking his time.

Rey felt a spark of excitement work its way up her body, delicious curiosity tingling at the base of her spine, making its way to the tips of her fingers.

_ Mmm…  _

Ben made a noise of approval, satisfaction about something. Rey wiggled her bare toes in anticipation.

Rey didn’t mind waiting if it meant Ben had a blueprint for her desire. She could be patient.

He’d told her that she was better than the women in the movies he watched. She had wanted to ask… better how? Sexier? Better because she was real? Because he could pull her onto his lap or tug at her hair and call her  _ Little One _ ?

But she had no time to think about what his answer might be because he was standing beside her now, the tips of his pointed shoes by her forehead.

“Get on the bed Rey.”

His voice vibrated through the floor where she was lying, not deep but self-assured, ready. He could sound so matter of fact sometimes.

It wasn’t that far to go to raise her body up and slide onto the mattress onto her back, hands on her stomach, staring up at him.

He was holding three things.

Rey blinked, vision blurry from opening and closing her eyes, cheek pressed to the floor.

He held her polaroid camera, a gift from Babs from who knows where in one hand, somehow making it look small, compact between his fingers. In the other her gold chain necklace hung from two of his fingers; from his pinky draped the most frilly pair of underwear she owned, soft pink and lacy, high cut and a size too small. She hadn’t worn them in forever. She couldn’t remember the last time in fact.

“I would like you to put these on.” He held up the necklace and panties. “Take everything else off.”

Everything they’d done had been on purpose, with clear intention, and without question. Now was no exception.

Rey sat up half-way to remove her top, unzipped and unbuttoned her skirt, sliding it down her thighs, then her knees and feet, leaving it at the end of the bed. Now she was in just a ponytail and the thong she’d been wearing all day, but Ben was still waiting, eyes focused on her bare chest.

Rey slid the thin piece of fabric down her body until it too was at the edge of the bed beside her skirt and she was fully naked before him. She dared to stretch her arms above her head in a casual stretch, stretching out the rest of the body at the same time showing off her calf muscles in the process.

Ben looked down at her legs, studying them, how strong they looked, freshly shaved, smooth, and powerful. He could have looked anywhere; at her pussy, at her chest, her face, but he chose to let his gaze linger there. Rey delighted in his appreciation for all of her effort, all of her miles walking around the City in heat and freezing cold, all of her countless hours spent doing laps in the pool.

Ben clearly appreciated hard work.

Rey held out her hand towards him. “I’ll take them now, please.”

Ben nodded, handing over the necklace and panties from the tips of his fingers.

Rey bent her head down to slip on the chain, not needing to open its clasp. It hung between her breasts, a dull, solid gold against her tan skin.

She slid the panties up her ankles, up her legs that Ben was still staring at, pulling them high up over her hips, the back of the fabric sliding into her ass the higher she tugged them. She snapped the sides once she was done.

She could tell he liked this, liked that they were too small for her. 

Rey looked up to see his reaction. She was rewarded with cloudy golden eyes burnt to black ash around the edges, lips parted just a little as if he were scared to let in or let go of too much air.

He nodded for her to lay back flat on the bed like she was before, arms down by her side, painted toes pointed toward the wall.

Ben stood beside the bed, lifting the camera to his face after checking to see there was film inside. Long fingers pulled up the top and gripped the side, one eye studying Rey through the viewfinder. She wondered what he saw, what he focused on.

He didn’t wait long before taking a photo, the camera releasing the developing snapshot below. Rey watched as he took the photo from its slit, waving it back and forth before walking back to her dresser and placing the photo on top. He grabbed the box of film he’d also found and loaded the camera again, walking back to her, placing the rest on the bed beside her.

He stood at the foot of the bed this time, looking through the camera again.

“What if everyone in the world knew your name?” He asked.

Rey opened her mouth in quiet surprise. “I don’t even know if your name is really Ben.”

He had taken the photo as she opened her mouth. He pulled the camera away, smiling, head down to fiddle with removing the photograph. He left it on the floor.

“It is. But the rest doesn’t matter.”

Rey nodded and thought about his question.

“How would everyone know my name?” 

Ben loaded the camera again. This time he walked over to Rey, tugging down the side of her underwear until one hip bone showed.

“Put your leg up, foot flat on the bed, leave the other leg straight, hand on your stomach.” He instructed.

Rey had never been directed before, but here she was listening to his every word and following his requests exactly. He knew what he liked and how it was supposed to look.

It was her turn to play-along for him.

“That’s good,” He murmured, snapping another photo. He let it fall in the space between his feet.

He nodded at her again, holding the camera down by his side.

“Turn over.”

Rey obeyed, turning over to lie flat on her stomach and wait for further instructions. She wiggled her toes and stretched her legs as far as they would go, sticking her ass up in the air just enough to release a sharp breath from Ben’s lips.

She watched him walk over, felt as one knee sunk into the mattress and he leaned over to pull up the sides of her underwear even higher, the lacy, see-through back nearly disappearing into the crack of her ass.

Ben placed one hand on her lower back, neatly covering the space there completely, letting out a sigh, a sound of approval. He reached up to free her hair of its ponytail, letting the copper waves fall down her shoulders and back, dipping in and resting inside the crease of her spine, splayed across the muscles of her back.

“Stay just like that.” His voice was a whisper now as he pulled away after adjusting a few strands of hair just the way he wanted them.

“I like your hair better down.” He said it almost as an afterthought but Rey heard every word as he took another photo.

“What do you plan to do with all these photos?”

Rey smoothed a piece of hair behind one ear, raising her calf off the bed, curling her toes on one foot to pose in a new way for him. He took another photo after quickly reloading the camera. 

“Keep them. Hang them on my walls. Sleep with them under my pillow. Slip one in all of my coat pockets.”

She looked over her shoulder as Ben lowered the camera to look at her.

“Where will you keep the photos you take of me?” His question was sincere, as he handed the camera down to her.

Rey blinked, stunned for half a second before sitting up on her knees to take it from him. He was loosening his tie, staring down at her.

“Where do you want me?”

Rey watched him for just a moment before answering.

“Stand there. Leave your tie loose around your collar, top button undone.”

She noticed he wore no undershirt, all that rested between the buttons was more pale flesh. She positioned herself closer to him, lifting the camera to take a photo from there.

“…. I’ve never seen you like this,” Rey whispered almost to herself, spoken as if she’d known him for years and years.

Just a few buttons and his tie no longer perfectly done but it felt like so much more. He had to do so little yet it still felt like so much.

She held the camera carefully up to her face, snapping an image of Ben from below, looking down at her, hands on the buttons of his shirt just as he undid another. His face looked serious, focused, creases between his brows, lines at the sides of his eyes deepened by the light beside him.

He looked like a different version of himself, gracefully aging into who he would become.

But then she cracked a joke, asking him  _ “Are you sure you aren’t in the Jewish Mafia?” _ causing him to smile, then laugh a little; crooked, white teeth pushing back his plump lips. Suddenly he looked like a teenager and someone older all in the same man. Rey imagined for some reason he’d never gotten much of a chance to be either.

She took a photo before the laugh which deepened his eye crinkles and dimples, could end. The photo landed face up on the mattress where it slowly began to develop.

“Where do you want me next?” Ben’s voice was quiet as he waited, his shirt still on, but undone all the way to his waist. Rey stared at the exposed expanse of skin, his chest and torso longer, stretched out somehow now that it was no longer covered.

Rey stood on the bed now, holding the camera in one hand as she balanced her weight on the mattress before setting it down beside her feet.

She put both hands on his shoulders, fingers dipping below his shirt to touch. It was warm and smooth where the skin had been hidden from her. She tugged until the shirt came loose from him, pushing it down his shoulders, down his elbows, bending at the waist to carefully undo his cufflinks, golden and in the shape of a G,  _ Gucci, she wondered? _

She pulled the sleeves loose from his wrists and fingers until the fine, white fabric slid free and pooled at his feet.

He didn’t look down at the discarded shirt, only kept watching as she stepped to the edge of the bed, toes hanging off the side to touch the buckle of his belt, avoiding looking at him above the waist for now. She knew she would never get anything else done if she let herself linger there.

“Should I take off my shoes?” His voice broke through her focus, a hazy reminder that he could help her in her task.

Rey nodded, fingers fiddling with the gold buckle, swinging the latch back and forth. It matched the gold zipper on his slacks, both the same color as the solid gold watch which he had kept on.

She watched as he nearly stood on tiptoe to slide the back of his shoes off, making himself even taller for just a moment, a bulky ballerina, kicking one to the side, then the other. He wore no socks since it was summer. Rey had noticed when she watched him walk around her flat, ankles bare and on display as if he were at home.

Now he was settled back on bare feet. They were long and broad, somehow elegant despite their size. His hands were the same; blue collar, working class hands with protruding veins, thick fingers and wide wrists that slid effortlessly into silk shirts, tuxedo jackets, designer sweaters. They hung by his side now, waiting.

“Everything should come off.” Rey watched as he placed his hands over hers at his belt, following her as it came undone, the buttons and zipper of his pants next.

He helped as she gripped the waist of his pants, pushing them down, pulling his boxer briefs with them. She didn’t let herself look up, eyes focused on his feet as he stepped out of each leg, placing each foot carefully back on the floor.

She had already seen so much of him, but right now her thoughts raced, filled with the things he’d asked her permission to do, the games they’d played, the people he’d become for her, with her. She remembered the way he liked to be touched, the way he touched himself when no one was watching.

She remembered how his cock tasted, the way his face looked the deeper she put him in her mouth.

“There you go,” Ben’s voice was soft. He was standing fully naked in front of her, wearing less than she was, giving her exactly what she wanted.

Rey had told him she couldn’t wait any longer but the truth was that she wanted it to last as long as it could, their time together. She couldn’t be sure it would be more than what they were giving one another right now, what they had already shared.

It wasn’t insecurity or loneliness that made her want to stretch out time and freeze it, but a sense of stashing it all away, of being selfish, wanting Ben all to herself for as long as she could have him.

Up until this moment she had been ignoring that she had something,  _ someone  _ she wanted, unable to accept she now had something to lose.

He was more than a distraction, more than a way to pass the time.

When she finally allowed herself to admire his body, she did so starting at the crown of his head, staring at the dark brown and black currents of hair nestled all around; working her way down and across his uneven face, the shape and dip of his neck where the first signs of aging were just beginning to show beneath his chin, taking in the expanse of his chest, his large shoulders and long arms, products of his own hard work.

She let her gaze linger on his stomach, his curved in hip bones and the muscle there; his beautiful cock, bobbing up towards her in some type of curious worship. His thighs were thick and clearly strong, built to hold up the rest of him as he grew and grew in every direction.

She held her breath when he lifted her, one hand on either side of her waist, fingers meeting with just a little bit of pressure, holding and squeezing her in the middle; her feet just above the mattress as he kissed the bottom of her sternum with a needy, open mouth.

“Little Rey…” He was looking up at her, his term of endearment for her a rasp on his tongue.

She nodded, ready.

The way he picked her up and sat her back down on the bed was a blur even though he took his time, laying her out carefully on her back and kneeling at her feet, moving his hands up her legs, a low, steady hum in his throat as he did so.

Rey watched as he reached forward, stretching his body over hers to pull down each side of her underwear, keeping his eyes on her face.

“You can look.” Her voice was quiet. He didn’t need her permission to do much of anything anymore, but she gave it to him anyway. 

He nodded, pulling his focus down, looking nowhere but at her center, her pussy that had been wet for hours.

She wasn’t shy under his gaze; she was eager for his inspection and attention.

Rey stretched her body out as far as it could go, making her as long as possible to give him more to look at. She was here and ready to be admired by him.

Ben pushed her legs back up until her feet were flat on the bed, eyes still on her pussy; big, stingy fingers spreading, grabbing at her thighs, his shoulders stretching her legs apart until she was burning.

_ “Baby….” _ He mumbled, his lips moving over her as he spoke, slurring across her folds.

And then he kissed her pussy like it was her mouth and Rey felt her face and neck burn red, her eyes watery, unashamed at the way her body responded to him. Her teeth rattled in her jaw when he tugged and pulled at her inner lip that had always been longer on one side into his mouth, not noticing such a tiny flaw, paying just as much attention to the other side, placing it between his own lips and sucking it into his mouth.

Rey rested both hands on top of his head pushing him to go deeper, pushing his mouth, pressing his nose against her until he hit bone, until he bumped against new walls at the tip of his tongue. The tips of his fingers and knuckles were bleached white from holding her legs open, his chest and shoulders splotched bright red as his inner need worked its way outside of his body, showing off and putting itself on display for her.

“Just like that…” her voice was light and airy but she wasn’t gentle when she grabbed his ears, when she scratched at his brutish shoulders with both hands, nearly kicking him with her heels, demanding more.

Rey could pretend she was a man right now or something like one at least, in control, with total power, showing him how to please her by pulling his hair, with low and high-pitched groans. That suited her right now and it suited him too. She wasn’t here to be his Mother or Sister; she wasn’t his best friend doling out a pity fuck or a woman who needed his money.

She was here to be worshipped.

Rey knew he would soon expect his turn to be in control, his time to have her at his command in any way he wanted and that she would let him. 

A quiet kind of owning and mutual affection, that’s what Ben seemed to need. It made Rey’s head spin to imagine the way he would dress her up just to strip her bare.

Ben hummed, inhaling deep through his nose after each lick and kiss. Rey’s head was filled with sharp pulls of breath and wet, sucking sounds, watching him take as much as he could. His fingers were relentless against her thighs, holding her in place, keeping her open. He didn’t put a single one inside of her, only pleasing her with his mouth, unashamed of his own pleasure she realized, as she watched his head dip between her thighs.

He was loud and generous with his words, whether it was his cock in her mouth or her pussy in his, Ben didn’t dare hold back his feelings with his face, his eyes, his voice. 

He would tell her what he loved about her body, looking up at her over the ridge of her graceful pelvic bone, smoothing his hands out over her thighs and stomach, unafraid of the moans, the hungry whines that left his body as she writhed beneath him. His own chest rose and fell on top of the mattress along with her hips, keeping pace, mirroring the movements of her satisfaction. He kept her in place but gave her a loose enough tether to roam free under his touch.

Ben left no room for interpretation. 

It was a relief for Rey, not having to guess what a man was thinking or having to plead for a declaration of love or hate. This was new, this was how it should always be between two people, she thought.

Ben sat up without warning, easing and sliding his body against hers, wet lips pouting near her ear. 

“How deep do you want me to go?”

Rey’s body tensed, the shift in sensation jarring but not unwelcome. She was expecting something she’d never felt before, with no way to define or imagine it as Ben’s body hovered over hers.

She shook her head, blinking slowly up at him, at the ceiling beyond him to find a place to voice her need. 

“All the way, all the way,” she repeated the words close to his jaw, lips against smooth, freshly shaved skin. He’d probably stood over the bathroom sink that morning, raking a triple blade and cold water over warm lather. If she closed her eyes and focused, she could inhale deep, smelling fresh pine and clean water along his jawline.

“Alright, Little One,” he whispered, elbows and forearms on either side of her, swallowing her whole. She wondered how he didn’t shake from holding up his own weight. He was stable, waiting, eager but patient in his desire.

She hadn’t expected this, hadn’t expected all of his sharp curves and clean lines to melt and dilute in front of her. His natural gentleness surprised her but it shouldn’t. He had always been so careful with her, thoughtful in the way he needed her, giving as much as he could.

Ben bent down again, first to kiss her, generous enough to let her taste herself before planting his body against hers, pressing his chest to hers as tight and as close as he could, hands spread across her back against the bed.

He let his head fall heavy and reliant in the space between her neck and shoulder, breathing in and taking all of the air in the room with him when he did. His hips pushed his velvet, jutting cock up against her, the tops of her thighs, the outer layer of her folds.

Rey considered stopping him, even going so far as to put one hand on his shoulder and pulling herself back just enough for him to notice, but he shook his head, thick black strands hitting her in the face.

“No going back now….” 

Rey swallowed and nodded, only knowing what he knew, what they’d told one another. She exhaled, her stomach rising. She held it there, waiting for him.

She knew people like Ben were unaccustomed to not getting what they wanted. Maybe one day she would get used to never being told no again too. 

He rose up to balance and hold his weight on his hands, hair falling in his own face now making him appear boyish and innocent.

Rey’s laugh was dark and curious. “What are you going to do?” 

Ben smiled, moving one hand, fingers splayed across her throat just like every time he kissed her, pushing the tip of his cock against her center until her mouth opened.

“We’ll let the gods decide.” His own voice sounded like Zeus himself, quiet thunder above her. Rey felt her legs open further to let him in. She made space for his body in any way she could.

Ben slid inside her, no resistance, no never any resistance at all.

She watched his face, focused on his reaction, on his immediate pleasure instead of her own for a moment.

What she found delighted her; his mouth flung open, eyes wide and hollowed out. He was staring down at her body, down at the place where he was inside of her, then at her face again almost in disbelief, as if everything they had done up until this point existed in another world, games played by other people who looked like them but now there was no going back.

Rey gripped his shoulders, grinding her teeth at the size of him, his knees knocking her legs even further apart.

“All the way,” she reminded him, holding onto his arms.

Ben nodded, still speechless, pushing one of her legs back against her so that he could go deeper.

“All the way,” he echoed, his voice desperate, cock in her as far he could go.

Finally his body shook, legs, muscled stomach, arms too as he held her in place, letting her watch him fall apart as he did his best to keep himself together.

“...too much for me…” He spoke through clenched teeth as if in pain, eyes pleading for something Rey was already giving him. 

She leaned up, whispering in ears that stuck out from the rest of him, gentle hands on his shoulders. Her breath and words were stuttering out as he pushed her against the bed. 

“I love you, darling. I’m so glad you came home from work early just to make love to me.” 

At this he reared back, nearly on his knees before shoving himself inside even deeper somehow, someway, causing her to gasp and then scream. 

He dared to lean back and up again, this time grabbing both of her wrists and then with fingers laced, holding her hands. He pushed his entire weight on top of her until Rey was sure an imprint of her body would live on this mattress. 

“Only for you…” His breath puffed out, lips wet from spit until it nearly ran down his chin, drooling at the sight of her. “Missing meetings…” He could barely carry on and Rey lifted her hips, guiding him, leading him forward. 

“Hurry darling, before the kids get home from school.” 

She felt his body shudder, so close, hands still clasped on top of hers. 

“Where’s your ring?” He managed to grind out, face contorted but he was focused on nothing but her. 

Rey looked over at her bare left hand and back up at him. 

“I thought I told you….never...to take it off….” His eyes were lit with some dark fire from within, chest coated with sweat beating down against hers as he pulled their bodies together until she had no room or need to breathe. 

Rey didn’t answer, instead waiting for Ben to shove her harder, once, twice before unleashing and rattling the bars of his cage until he broke free inside her. 

She felt it when he coated her insides, when it started to leave her body to cover her sheets, leaving evidence of his having been there, exactly where she wanted him. 

When he dropped down on top of her with the full weight of his body, she let herself be his island, watching his large, shaking shoulders and wet hair rise and fall between the waves. 

~ ~ ~ 

They woke up together in the cool of her apartment, the sun having gone down hours ago. The hum of the air conditioner above their heads low and soothing, blowing their hair.

Ben was sprawled across her bed, his usually graceful limbs skewed this way and that, one leg beneath the sheet, the other laying on top, one large thigh brushed with dustings of fine black hair pushed and curled up between her legs, an arm around her, the other beneath his head on the pillow. His hair looked longer than it actually was, spread out and inky black against the white pillowcase. His mouth was slightly open as he slept giving Rey a chance to watch him.

She touched his face, slender fingers on either side of his mouth, tips tucked lightly into his dimples knowing it would wake him up, hoping that it did.

He smiled before his eyes were fully open, one side of his mouth lifting higher than the other, his face still holding onto sleep. He reached for her with the hand under his head even though he was already holding her with the other.

His watch remained on his wrist but he didn’t bother to check the time.

“Did you sleep?” His voice was thick with sleep, eyes still barely open.

Rey nodded, brushing a piece of hair away from his forehead, watching as it fell behind his ear.

“I did. But I don’t remember falling asleep.” She shifted her body closer to his, arms tucked up against his chest. He let her curl and rub against him, drowsy and satisfied.

“Mmm.” His eyes were closing again and Rey felt a quiet thrill that he felt comfortable enough to lose himself in sleep around her, in her home, in her bed. She was glad she could offer him this.

She sat up on one elbow, watching his fingers move idly along the dip above her hip, back and forth, drawing lines and making circles on her side. It seemed almost involuntary, the motion, as if his hand were doing it without his knowing.

Rey pulled her body up from the bed, only halfway, draping herself on top of him. His hands came to rest on her back, still moving in some sort of half-sleep state, covering her lower half with the paper-thin sheet. She turned her face to the side, resting her cheek on his chest which was warm and rising and falling with shallow breaths.

Ben’s heated core and center had been turned down to a low simmer without the barrier of the peep show booth, without the ticket booth window dividing them. He had taken up physical space in her flat, his clothes were everywhere, the room smelled like his cologne and cigarettes. He was bigger than her bed, bare feet hanging off the edge, but he had drawn himself in, made his world big enough for only the two of them ever since they arrived.

Rey wanted to talk to him like this, when his mind and body weren’t fully awake yet. She wanted his defenses down so she could take her time getting her questions answered. She took a deep breath and let it go, feeling braver than she had ever felt.

“Have you ever bought one of those girls?”

She could feel his eyes crack open, first one, then the other but she didn’t look up.

“What girls?”

Rey tucked herself deeper into his chest, as if that were possible but she wasn’t letting go.

“You know the girls…like the ones at the bar I go to by the theater. I play pool there sometimes.”

She felt his mouth curve upwards in a smile. “I didn’t know you played pool.”

She nodded against his breastbone. “I do. Mostly against the men who play there after work. Sometimes I pick up a little spending money when they think they can beat me.”

He shifted on the bed, carrying her and most of the sheet they shared with him.

“Anyway, some of the girls there…they’re working girls. We sit around and have drinks, sometimes just coffee depending on when I get off work. They tell me all about what they do for a living. Some are dancers, most of them go home with men for money. Some even make movies. They say there’s way more money in dirty movies than just working the streets all night.”

“Hookers?” She felt Ben reach down and over to the floor to grab his pack of cigarettes and lighter from his pants pocket.

Rey’s body tightened against his. She listened as he lit his cigarette, clicking his fancy silver lighter shut. She felt it when he blew a puff of thick smoke at the ceiling.

“I guess they’re just working,” she shrugged. She licked her lips that were dry from sleep.

“Are you asking me if I’ve ever paid for sex?”

Rey finally looked at him. He was holding the cigarette near his mouth between two fingers, the long, white stick looking comically small sitting there waiting for his mouth.

“I know you pay to _ watch _ sex, so why not pay for the real thing?”

She watched as he smiled, taking another long drag, filling his lungs before letting go of his breath over the top of her head.

“Is it because you don’t have to?” 

He focused on her with a glassy stare, his blood relaxed from sleep and nicotine.

“I have paid for sex before, yes. Because I wanted to.”

Rey stared back. “What was she like?”

Ben reached down over the side of the bed again, pulling out a cigarette for her. He flicked the lighter to life once it was between her lips and waited until the end burned black and bright orange before moving his hand away.

“She was lovely. Long, red hair. Pale. Green eyes.” He inhaled again on his cigarette, still watching her.

“Was?” Rey took a drag too. “Where is she now?”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t know. That was a long time ago. There have been others since.”

“Others?” She propped herself up on one elbow, using his chest as a flat, hard surface.

He ran a hand through her hair on one side.

“Of course. The woman I saw on a regular basis told me the craziest stories. She grew up in Venezuela, moved to the States when she was nineteen. She spoke Spanish. English too, of course. She tried to teach me but I’m not good with languages.” 

“Was she your girlfriend?” The word felt silly, childish on her lips.

He shook his head, cigarette burning down to the filter.

“We had an arrangement. I saw her every Tuesday afternoon and Friday evening, when she wasn’t working at the hospital.” 

“For how long?” Rey moved up his body, bringing her face closer to his.

His eyebrows touched for a moment before he answered. “A couple of years I guess.”

“And you paid her that whole time?” She nudged his chin with her forehead.

He nodded, bringing his chin down to touch the crown of her head. “I did. That was the deal. That’s what we both wanted. Nothing more.” 

Rey opened her mouth to ask about his first love, if he had ever had a wife ( _ did he have one now?) _ , if their first night together at the diner, at the baseball game was a date and where he went after but she shook her head instead, pushing her lips against his and going no further. There would be other days and moments for all the things she wanted to know in order to complete the puzzle spread out before her.

She wanted to take her time in piecing Ben together. For now she was content to listen and learn, not wanting to stoke the fire but to let it burn down softly. 

He kissed her before putting his cigarette out in a glass ashtray from the bar around the corner she had taken casually, slipping it in her purse last summer. It sat on the floor beside their clothes.

He sat up straight on the bed now, back against the wall, holding one of the photos he had taken hours before, swiped from the floor in his hand. Rey moved closer to see. It was a picture of her, lying on the bed, his hand splayed across her stomach, covering most of it, delicate lace, and skin below.

Ben was studying the photo.

Rey reached over him to put out her own cigarette, letting Ben pull her into his lap on the way back. She straddled his legs, naked, hands on his chest, knees at his hips.

His hands were on her hips, loose but steady. He was looking at her, eyes focused and softer at the edges, the photo at his side on the bed, the other photos they had taken of one another still on the floor.

“…it’s different with you.” She could barely hear him even though he was right in front of her, only knew he was speaking because she watched his lips and throat move.

She ran both hands up his chest, feeling for the space in his lungs where his words had come out as a hazy rumble.

“Different how?” She asked just to hear it again, to find out which way he would tell her again how he saw her, how he felt about the time they spent together.

He was quiet for a while, thumbs rubbing down into the crevice of her collarbone, bringing her shoulders to attention.

“In all ways.”

Rey smirked, a streak of familiar stubbornness rising to the surface. “You don’t pay me.”

Ben shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

Rey leaned back, hands on his knees, showing off her stomach and chest, the top of her cunt. Ben took his time looking down her body and up at her face again just as she knew he would. She nearly purred with pleasure.

“You said you would decorate my body. With anything I wanted.” 

Ben shifted beneath her, hands on her hips again, fingers digging into the top of her ass. “I did. I will.”

Rey pretended to look thoughtful for a moment, counting things off on her fingers while he watched. “Cum, jewels, diamonds, fur…am I missing anything?”

Ben was breathing heavy through his nostrils now, letting her push him closer to the cliff’s edge.

“Oh right…. your body…” Rey mumbled, hands scattered and impatient, running up and down her own chest and stomach while Ben watched, pulling his cock into his hand, right between her legs, his lips parted.

“I’ve already had that but….” Rey moved this way and that across the tops of Ben’s thighs, watching his face and lips contort with pleasure.

“You want more?” Ben murmured.

Rey nodded, looking down at Ben’s hand on himself.

“Don’t you?”

Ben was stroking himself, dick fully hard between her legs as Rey watched, mesmerized.

“I already said…” He pushed his words out now, one at a time, sculpted by their sheer force and the way he was staring at her. “It’s  _ different  _ with you, Rey.”

She nodded again, understanding that it was even if she couldn’t say how exactly. 

Ben’s gaze moved about her body, pinging back and forth, up, and then down like the inside of a pinball machine.

He nodded towards her hands which were resting on top of his thighs. 

“....Touch yourself the way you would if I wasn’t here.”

Rey felt her body jolt and come to life in a whole new way at his request.

“I think of you when I do,” Rey breathed, one hand snaking down and across her stomach, fingertips at the top of her cunt. She’d smeared his thighs already, wet spots gleaming off the pale skin.

Ben blinked slowly, letting her watch his face, eyes hooded, lips still parted. 

Rey knew that there was pleasure  _ before _ Ben and there was _ now.  _

She touched and pulled at herself with one hand, fingers inside, thumb on her clit, the other hand over his, holding onto his cock, moving them in the same rhythm. 

Rey supposed there was no going back for her either. 

Her entire body moved in the direction of her hands, riding his thighs, fingers deep inside herself, staring at Ben. 

“Is this how you touch yourself when you think of me, when I’m not around?” She asked, hair sticking to her neck the harder she pushed against him. Ben’s chest and neck were a deep red, veins on his arms and hand standing at the surface of his skin as he pushed every part of himself towards her. 

“Yes.” 

“Is this how you touch yourself when you watch movies late at night? When no one can see?” 

Ben grunted, the wet sounds from her pussy causing him to lose focus. 

“Want you to see…” 

Rey nodded. “I am. I see everything. I see….you.” 

She watched as Ben came all over his hand and all over hers too. She bent her body to lap at it from their fingers, hearing Ben groan from somewhere far away, his hand coated in what she had left of his cum reaching for her cunt now. 

Rey eased back on her haunches, letting him push clumsy, sex drunk fingers inside her. 

Her head was spinning with things to say, but none could be said right now, not while Ben’s thick fingers were sharp inside of her, spreading and keeping her open, telling her he had to look, had to see, had to see her too. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally planned for Ch 7 to be the final chapter, but it was turning into a beast of a chapter so I am splitting it in two. Chapter 8 will be the final chapter. x
> 
> Thank you to [Flybluejay](https://twitter.com/flybluejay_) as always. 
> 
> [](https://imgbb.com/)  
> 

`

Ben turned his back to her, shy seeming, shoulders working as he got dressed in her apartment.

“Don’t look.”

Rey peeked between her fingers, spread like spider legs across her eyes and cheeks, watching Ben get dressed by the window. He was buttoning his shirt, looking out of the corner of his eye, smiling at her over his shoulder.

“You really do like to watch, hmm?” But it wasn’t really a question, just another observation of his because he liked to watch too.

Rey giggled, actually giggled, her normally low voice pitched high and joyful when she spoke again.

“You could say that. But mostly I like to watch you.”

Her words came out easy now, free and without hesitation. She watched his shoulders relax as he finished buttoning his shirt, leaving the top button undone, tie slung around the collar.

Ben turned to face her, still smiling. It was somehow more intimate this way, him half-dressed standing by the window tugging on one side of his rumpled tie, her wine on his breath than when he had been naked and beneath her.

He bent down carefully, crawling across the short space between them on her bed, moving on his knuckles and knees making his way to where she sat, still naked, sitting at the edge of the bed, pillow pulled against her stomach and chest, legs spread. He gently pulled the pillow away, tossing it to the floor.

“Never stop watching me.” He whispered it, the words sudden and serious.

Rey nodded, never taking her eyes off him. Her palms lay flat on the mattress without her pillow, nothing to hold onto as he hovered near her on all fours, a position he hadn’t put her in yet but here he was, modeling it for her, showing off his body in a way that men rarely did.

When she had crawled on top of him for the first time only hours before, he had shaken his head this way and that in disbelief, gripping her hips, whispering that time too.

“This is my favorite way to fuck.”

The words felt, sounded extra vulgar on his lips in a way that Rey did not expect, but certainly didn’t mind as she placed her body on top of his, lowering herself onto his cock, watching his face the entire time.

She had bypassed his shoulders to rest her hands on his chest, enjoying the feeling of hard muscle beneath her fingers. She clawed and grabbed at the skin there, wanting to crawl inside, to make her way through the wall of strength, past all that power, to the bone, the blood that pumped to his heart.

But now he was getting ready to go, kissing Rey gently on the mouth, reaching for his discarded coat somewhere on the floor with one hand, one knee, half of his body still on the bed. There were pieces of him strewn all about; his empty wine glass he’d left on the table, the towel he’d used to dry his hands folded neatly next to the sink, the smell of his cigarettes and cologne swirling above their heads.

Every artifact stood in contrast to itself, things scattered everywhere but somehow in their rightful place because of him.

Ben affected all of her senses, invaded her space, touched her things. It wasn’t because he needed to take something from her, it was just the opposite; he clearly had so much to give.

And Rey planned on taking all of it.

She leaned back on the bed now, inching one foot up his leg to rest on his stomach, her other on the bed. She spread her legs, thighs sore and cunt swollen because of what they had done, not wanting him to go. Maybe it was unfair to show off like this, to remind him of what he was about to leave, but Rey didn’t care. She needed to shower and sleep before her shift at the theater but she didn’t care about that either.

She asked him earnestly, “Don’t you ever look in people’s windows on the street? Wonder about their lives? What do they do for work? What they’re having for dinner? If they live alone?” Rey wiggled her toes against the muscle of Ben’s torso through his shirt, scrunching her nose while she waited for an answer.

He nodded. “All the time. Ever since I was a boy I’ve wondered about other people’s lives.” 

Rey sat up straighter on the bed, but Ben caught her foot, massaging it with both hands, pushing his thumbs and palms across the tight tendons all along her arch.

Her back curved off the bed, giving into the relaxing sensation, so good it was almost painful because of how much she walked every day. Still, she held onto what he’d said.

“Were you a boy here in the City?”

He looked at her, unsure for a moment how he should answer but Rey knew it was too late. The words were already leaving his mouth.

“Sometimes, yes.” 

She knew it was the way she’d asked… _ were you a boy _ , not  _ where’d you grow up _ , not  _ where are you from _ that helped him to answer. It was the image of him at an innocent, curious age, being led from place to place beneath buildings taller than the sky that had made him comfortable enough to start to unravel, that let his memories real or imagined float to the surface for her to see. 

Rey smiled, his hands still rubbing her foot.

“A New Yorker,” she mused, letting the words gather in the air between them.

He liked it, Rey giving him an identity that could be truly his, letting his life be something to boast about, something to show off. He stood taller if that was possible, proud. She blinked up at him, clearly impressed.

She watched him swallow, standing still, barefoot on her floor. Only his hands moved to touch her, his chest rising and falling in time with his fingers. Everything about Ben seemed to work in sync and with intention when people were watching but Rey knew better.

“I am now. A New Yorker that is.”

Rey nodded, waited for him to continue.

He reached down for her other foot, pulling it up and onto his stomach, rubbing it thoroughly, all things being equal.

“I wasn’t always but I liked to pretend that I was.”

Rey sat up and closed his eyes with the tips of her fingers while he spoke so that he could be comfortable enough to imagine, so she could too. She quietly lay back down again. 

She felt him touch her foot, easing his hands up to her ankle and calf and back down again, soothing the parts of her that no one ever touched, the parts that no one knew ached. 

“And what were you before? Who were you before?” She murmured. 

With her eyes closed, she could feel everything he did to her body in a new, heightened way, could hear his husky laugh vibrate through her ears until it echoed in her brain. She sat back on the bed, being taken care of, feeling every inch of her come to life under Ben’s touch and words. 

“I was….” His voice trailed off but still she didn’t open her eyes, afraid to break the reverie, both hers and his. 

“A little boy...then a teenager...in choir. I went to church three times a week.” 

Rey smiled, her eyes remaining closed. “Church, huh? Not Temple?” 

She heard Ben laugh, low and easy. “That’s right. Appearances can be deceiving.” 

Rey hummed, teasing him in a way she knew she could. “Mmm...you look more Italian anyway.” 

This made Ben laugh even harder which caused Rey to do the same. 

She nodded once their voices had quieted down. “Go on.” 

There was no hesitation now as he spoke. “I had crushes on girls that never liked me back. Some teachers liked me, some hated me...the ones who knew I wasn’t trying or didn’t care. My drama teacher liked me. My chorus teacher taught me how to play a few songs on the piano and I thought I was the coolest kid on the block with my Chuck Taylors. Never a scuff mark. I cleaned them every single day after school.” 

Rey smiled, thinking of his spotless Italian leather loafers now. She wondered if he kept a pair of pristine Chuck Taylors somewhere in the original box buried deep in the back of his closet. 

She opened one eye. “No sports?” 

He shook his head, pieces of hair falling out of place were now stuck to his cheek in the humidity of her apartment. 

“Not even basketball,” he answered, smiling. 

She sat up on her knees then, still naked, watching him, reaching for the ends of his tie, pulling him down, closer. He opened his eyes at last. 

“Stay.” Her voice was bigger than it had ever been, as quiet as it could possibly sound. 

He leaned down, his forehead touching hers just so. They were blinking out of sync with one another. He wasn’t touching her at all anywhere else, as if meeting for the first time. They felt like familiar strangers, well worn and weathered, brand new soulmates. Every contradiction taking the place of simplicity. 

“Alright.” His words were a whisper, a certain heaviness leaving each cell in his body, agreeing with her simple request. 

She watched as he bent and configured his body down onto the bed, easing himself down on the mattress knuckles first, then on his knees, one at a time, turning himself slowly to sit beside her, hips and thighs touching. 

Rey sat exposed, Ben covered up until the point where a pale chest and collarbone pushed through a half-undone shirt, the tie she had been touching abandoned, securing nothing. His long neck jutted forward, veins on display, holding up a head so heavy and filled with things unsaid. 

What she would pay for this moment down the line, tomorrow, next week or ten years from now didn’t matter or cross her mind as Ben slipped his hand into hers, warming her body with his, stripped bare in all the ways that mattered to her, taking her with him as he lay back on the bed. 

How glad she was that life was temporary and that this moment would endure. 

Their feet and legs dangled off the edge of the mattress, off the edge of the world; the tips of Ben’s sharp toed shoes and Rey’s bare feet touching decades-old hardwood floors that had seen its share of lovers walk and run, had felt them lounge, fight and fuck and love across its uneven divets and swirls. 

“I bet your Father was tall,” Rey mused aloud, both of them looking at the ceiling, holding hands side by side under a blanket of make-believe stars. 

She felt Ben nod, shifting his body, breathing in deep, so deep his entire chest rose and fell, taking all of the air in the room with it, as if he needed every particle. 

“Very. Clumsy, big hands. When he held me I looked like nothing at all, swaddled within an inch of my life. All of the photos I’ve seen, he’s only with me as a child. As if he stopped being my Father at a certain point. Then he was onto something else...other things I guess.”

Rey blinked, hot water settling in behind her eyes but she refused to allow them release or relief of any kind. 

“I have this picture where I’m wearing his work boots...they’re nearly the size of me.” At this, he chuckled. Rey does too, a break in  the melancholy of memory . 

“And these crazy, oversized toy sunglasses before we went to the beach….” At this his voice fades and drifts off, not lost, but taking his time to think, to remember how things were before. 

“I bet you look just like him.” Rey made another bet, sure she would win. He nodded, still thoughtful, bringing her hand up to his chest. 

“And my Mom. It's like someone poured her colors and features into a molten shape of my Father.” 

Rey liked to imagine Ben that way, born of fire and water, cast into something eternal. 

“And your sister?”  _ And everything else _ , Rey almost said, but it was a lot of life to explain in one afternoon so Ben laughed, telling her things she already knew about his only sibling from when they’d gone to the baseball game until he stopped and sighed, blinking fast all of a sudden. 

“Is it bad I don’t miss them at all? When I don’t see them, I don’t even think about them. Do you know what I mean?” 

Rey shifted her body on the mattress. She felt both flat and full of life next to him, ready to tell him exactly what was there, ready to share every inch of what she thought and felt. 

“Yes and no,” was all she said. Ben waited patiently for the rest, one hand resting on his stomach. 

“No, because I’ve never known people long enough to forget them.Yes because….” She stopped, just for a moment. 

“It’s yours and I want to understand it.” A beat. “I want you to miss me.” 

Ben turned to look at her, cheek against the mattress, eyes glassy in the early evening light and the cheap bulb in her floor lamp. He raised the hand he was holding to kiss her knuckles before letting go.

He moved to stand in front of her on the bed, taking off the clothes he’d just put on, one piece at a time. 

Rey watched, just as she always did, knowing he would stay. 

The first to go were his shirt and shoes, toeing each one off and stepping out of them with great care. Rey almost laughed. 

Before he removed his slacks, he reached into his right pocket, removing a pack of cigarettes and his silver, monogrammed lighter with one hand. 

She smiled as he took out one and then two cigarettes. She reached for hers until he placed both in his mouth. He flicked the top back on his lighter and pushed the bright flame near the tips of each, tossing the pack of cigarettes to the floor before unzipping his pants. 

She watched as his wide mouth and cheeks pulled and puffed, pushing the smoke in and then out of his body, his lungs working twice as hard for the both of them. 

“Thank you,” was all she could manage as he handed one of the lit cigarettes to her, taking it between her thumb and pointer finger before bringing it to her mouth and inhaling deep, never taking her eyes off of him. 

He finished undressing, lying back down beside her, laying one heavy, naked thigh and leg over hers. The sudden, warm weight soothed her. Now it was she who felt swaddled. 

“Your turn.” He was looking straight up, blowing smoke rings skyward sending out a message she couldn’t identify or translate. 

_ But there’s so much more _ , she thought. She wanted more, needed more, every square inch and mile of him. 

“Did anywhere on Earth exist before New York?” he blurted out

Rey ran one hand up and down his thigh, her palm smoothing down fine, coarse black hair and pushing it back up again. Her touch left chills on his skin in its wake. She shook her head. 

“I don’t think so. It can’t be possible.”

Ben blinked slow and easy at the ceiling. They listened to one another breathing for a little while. 

“I wish it was Christmas,” She heard herself saying out loud. She finished her cigarette and leaned up to take Ben’s, burnt down to the filter. She placed them both in the ashtray that was full to the brim and running over on the floor. Soon she’d get a night stand and dump out the ashtray into the garbage under the sink. 

“It’s my favorite time of year,” she announced lying down again. Ben reached over to cover her with his arm. He pulled her close, his hand on her hip, fingers safe and secure sinking into her skin. He pressed gently against her ass, across the top of her thigh with his pinky, his fingers stretched as far as they could go. 

“I love it too,” he murmured. “But hate New Years….” 

Rey tried to picture him at a loud party full of drunken revelers with glasses of champagne, spilling it everywhere on his favorite rug but she couldn’t. The images refused to form. 

“It could be whatever we wanted it to be instead.” 

He was listening, not saying a word. 

“Like maybe we could have a dinner party with just our closest friends, whoever that might be.” She thought of Babs showing up to a New Year’s Eve party with whatever discount items she’d found on the way there, probably a Hanukkah Teddy Bear and Jean Nete spray in the same pre-wrapped basket someone had left on the subway. 

“And it would be quiet, just the food and people we liked...a fire in the fireplace and our favorite cocktails, champagne only at midnight in the glasses we only use on New Year’s Eve.” 

He laughed. “My Mother has twelve sets of ‘special’ champagne glasses. Sometimes I wonder if she drinks coffee out of them every morning and doesn’t tell my Father. Maybe he drinks whiskey out of them and doesn’t tell her.” 

It made Rey feel good, to know he spoke her language, that he understood exactly what she meant, that his own family did this even if he wasn’t there to witness it. 

“And I would wear a dress that was all glitter and low cut, front and back.” At this he grabbed her tighter, his breath a bit more uneven than it had been moments before. 

“And you would be in a tux even though we wouldn't be going anywhere at all. You always keep a tux in your closet, I know you do…” 

She didn’t expect him to answer but he did with a quiet, “ _ Yes, I do”. _ ..before she continued. 

“There would be fireworks in the backyard, just sparklers and whatever else we had managed to find, but it would be quiet, low-key. Not Times Square. We would be far from there.” 

“Mm. How far?” 

Rey considered this carefully before answering. She could say as far away as possible, as far as their imaginations could take them, or give something more concrete, an answer that gave a timeline and location and all the things most people wanted but Ben didn’t let her get that far. 

“Maybe it doesn’t matter,” he mused, pulling one full lip between his teeth as he mulled it over. 

Rey looked at him. “What doesn’t matter?” 

He waved a hand in the air, motioning at nothing. 

“Where we go. Who we are.” 

He wasn’t unhappy, wasn’t dissatisfied. She could tell by the way his body lay comfortably beside her, his jaw and temple relaxed. He was thinking. He was always thinking. 

“Maybe not,” she agreed. 

Maybe what did matter was the very thing she could not see, the very things she could not hold onto. 

Maybe the mystery was the answer she wanted most. 

Rey took her time in studying Ben’s body splayed out on her bed. His legs were spread, one leg still laying over hers. He held her hand again, reaching up with the other and running it through his hair every now and then. After he would place his hand on his chest or stomach again, large fingers drumming against his rib cage. 

“Why do you hate New Years?” Rey tucked a hand behind her head. 

Ben laughed through his nostrils, his crooked grin overcast with a shade of bitterness. 

“Everyone only likes the beginnings of things.” 

Rey lay there, thinking of all of the times she had been that type of person, how the very idea of something or someone was better than the reality, the fantasy of the destination more interesting than the journey. 

For as long as Rey could remember, she had lived two lives. There was the one out there, in the actual world, the day to day life of work, errands, sex and playing along with everyone around her. The other was not so obvious, and it was never the same day to day. It belonged to just her, and was not one but several lives, any number of lives she wanted to create and curate to her liking depending on the day, how she felt, who was in her life. 

It wasn’t always done in order to escape. She also did it to fill in the blanks. To have answers to questions she may never get to ask. It made sense for her to look at life like this; the only downside being that it often drove her to distraction, causing her to miss entire pieces of a conversation without the other person ever knowing. She sometimes lost a whole day or evening to her thoughts, letting her imagination run wild and take center stage regardless of what was going on around her. 

She had done this since she was 5 years old. Now she did it with Ben. She had a feeling he did it for the same reasons. 

“Because it's always easier to start something than to end it,” she mused aloud. 

She felt when he turned his head to stare at her, saying nothing. 

“What’s easy about me?” Ben’s voice was barely there, an inaudible whisper in the near-dark.

Rey almost said  _ nothing and everything Ben; in equal measure, _ but did not. She nearly told him,  _ you took a hammer and smashed my chest wide open and then you filled it with desire and candy hearts to replace the real thing _ , but she didn’t. 

“You know how to be anything or anyone. Except the person everybody expected you to become. It’s easy because I do that too. I can do it with you.” 

She watched as he licked his lips, his face in half-shadow now, moving a heavy hand through his hair again. His eyes were wide, taking in every word she said. 

Her next words were whispered just for him, right against the lobe of his ear, his long, wavy hair tickling her nose. “You like to play in everyone’s sandbox don’t you?” 

He didn’t move or say anything at first and Rey could hear him breathing. He turned on his side and dragged her body to his; their chests together, his breath coming out in heavy puffs at the crown of her head, an anxious, desperate blessing. 

One leg was still wrapped around her, keeping her close. His body was shaking and he was hard, pressing himself against the tops of her thighs with nowhere else to go. 

When he didn’t answer, she kept going. 

“You’ve done a little bit of everything....You like so many things. You’ve been so many different people...lived more than one life...and so have I...” She spoke in a soothing tone, letting him know it was alright now, raising one hand to touch his neck, the tips of his hair, more brown than black in the summer. 

He moved down the bed, burrowing his mouth and nose against her forehead, hiding in the warmth of her cheek, her neck, his bare feet hanging off the mattress now. 

“It’s so easy to be this way Ben...to have the whole world at our fingertips. Don’t you see that?” 

She felt him swallow, felt his eyes close. He nodded, his hands at her back. 

“You can fight in wars if you want, if that’s what makes you feel like a man, if that’s who you want to be.”

Rey shrugged. “You could be a priest or a pilot. You could be a husband, a Father. We could be poets…writing poems we never let anyone read. We could rob banks and run away to Mexico.” 

“Don’t forget a cowboy,” he interrupted her. 

She held his head in both hands, nodded so he could feel that she agreed. “Anything. Everything.” 

Rey held him like this, almost rocking his oversized body against her own long, sleek form. She was sure other women had felt small against him, but he only made her feel tall, proud.

“What about a quiet life where no one knows my name? Can I have that too?” 

Rey looked down at the top of his head. His eyes were still shut. 

“No one? No one at all?” 

Ben took a deep, unsteady breath, his stomach moving up and then down against her, his silky cock still pressed into her warm skin. 

“...Just you, Rey.” 

Rey curled up against him, as close as she could, letting herself feel special, unique. Needed. This was the way he made her feel; not small at all. 

“For real or for pretend?” She had to ask, even if she didn’t like the answer. She had to know. She knew that he would be honest with her no matter what. 

He lifted his head this time, then the upper half of his body, pulling away from Rey but bringing her with him until they both sat up in her bed, Ben pulling her into his lap, facing him, his cock pushed straight up against her stomach. 

He put her long arms around his neck, cradled her around her lower back, hands dipping down to rest on, to trace lines and circles across her ass. He couldn’t help himself. She smiled. 

What a feeling to be this kind of wanted. 

“For everything. For all of it.” His voice was soft and clear and she knew that he meant it. 

She assured him, “We can have that. We could have everything on our own, as just us. As Rey and Ben.” 

He took a deep, shaky breath, lifting a hand to brush the hair off her neck, away from her face. The apartment was finally cool and he shivered in her arms. She pressed her body even closer to his. 

Then he spoke. 

“We could have all of the things we pretend are already ours.” 

That was enough for Rey. 

She looked at Ben for a long time, studying his face for the first sign of fear, listening for the first note of regret in his voice. She watched his arms and legs to see if he was tensing up, if he was getting ready to run. But he sat still, naked on her bed where he’d spend most of the afternoon and now evening. 

Rey realized it was her own heart pounding its way out of her chest, her own body tensing, wondering what she would do next. But she went nowhere, made no move at all. She barely blinked when she heard his voice again. 

“What if all I know how to do is be taken care of?” 

She kissed him on the lips, once, twice, both hands gently holding his face. “By a woman?” 

“By anyone.” 

Rey thought about how Ben only seemed to talk about the women in his life. His Sister, his Mother, his past lovers, her. The only thing she knew about his Father was that Ben looked like him, the fact that he liked to drink whiskey and that he had big hands. 

Maybe that’s all that was worth knowing. Maybe it was women who took him apart and put him back together one part at a time, piece by piece. Maybe he was like most men after all. 

She took her time in looking him over, something she realized she did as much as possible, something she knew he loved, to be admired in a quiet, genuine way. 

“You weird, beautiful boy,” were her only words as she tousled his hair, playful now that some of the hard part was over. 

He smiled, pushed his cheek into the palm of her hand, laughing against her skin.

His face grew somber, his voice asking, not demanding, something she wasn’t sure he had ever done until now, had likely not done before her. 

“Just...tell me that you love me. Even if you don’t mean it right now.” 

Rey felt a charged sensation move through her entire body, grabbing hold wherever bone met muscle. It was a shock to her system, his request. The floor beneath the bed felt like it was quaking, her teeth begging to clamp down on top of one another to keep still. 

Ben stared at her, waiting for an answer, a proclamation he had given her the words to, all she had to do was say them. 

“Ben I…” 

She hesitated, feeling like an impostor in the land of such things like love, a place where she never fully belonged or was wanted.

But she could see something clear and obvious in the way Ben looked at her now. 

“I...do. I think I…I’m not sure I understand what love even means but...” her words rolled on without translation, bare and complex but Ben’s expression didn’t change. 

“I know,” he said, smoothing both hands over her spine, up and down, up and down. 

Ben’s inner landscape unfurled in front of her, right on her very own bed, in her space, all the things surrounding them belonging to her and only her. And she knew this was enough for him right now, the most she could give, the most he could take. 

Rey pulled back, one hand grasping the back of his neck. She was tempted to ask,  _ what do you want from me?  _ But knew that there was no answer he could give that she wanted to hear, out of fear or already knowing the answer, she wasn’t sure. 

So instead she laughed; laughed loud without embarrassment or shame, sighing with joy into his shoulder, her legs clamped around his waist as a promise. 

Ben was watching her, smiling. 

“Come here.” He pulled her closer to his lips, a hand on the back of her neck. 

Rey lunged forward instead, pushing him until they tumbled over, arms and legs everywhere on the mattress. 

She was on top of Ben now, pinning his wrists to the mattress, holding him in place until he was laughing with her. 

Rey consumed the sound with her whole body, knowing she was the cause of it. She had burnt down the barrel of Ben’s gun all the way to the stock where she grabbed hold of him with both hands and pulled the trigger. 

~ ~ ~ 

Rey looked up from the book she had been reading, not used to the sound of her doorbell in the middle of the day. It usually only rang when she ordered take out late at night because she didn’t feel like going to the store or cooking. 

She turned the record player down just in case, Joni’s voice falling to a low melody in the background as she walked past, standing on tiptoe to look out the peephole that had always reminded Rey of a View-Master.

There was no one there. 

Had she imagined the doorbell ringing? 

She cracked the door open an inch at first and all the way to look around, up and down the hallway before noticing there was something left at her feet. 

Rey bent down to pick it up; it was a tall box simply addressed to her. She hoisted the heavy weight onto her hip as she kicked the door closed with one bare foot. She turned Joni up on her way through the apartment. 

She placed the box down on her tiny kitchen table and lifted the sides, folding them back to reveal what was inside. 

It was a bouquet of dozens and dozens of flowers in a solid glass vase, each one in full bloom, instantly filling her kitchen with their fragrant scent, replacing that morning’s coffee that still clung to the air. 

She stood there for a moment, looking at the gift, arms by her side, afraid to move and ruin the illusion, worried it was just something she had imagined until it had become real. 

Finally she leaned over the tops of the flowers, plucking the card from where it was carefully placed between lush blooms directly in the middle. Rey stuck her nose in the flowers, closing her eyes as she inhaled. Yes, they were very real. 

The envelope was short but it was thick, expensive paper. 

_ Rey _ was on the front in cursive. 

His handwriting was delicate and careful, barely pressing into the fibres of the card. Not at all like her sloppy, hard pressed handwriting, too large and running off the page. 

She remembered how he had written down his personal phone number on a crumpled piece of paper at the baseball game he’d taken her to. How she had used it later that night to call him and he’d answered. 

She kept the slip of paper in the top drawer of her dresser beneath her scarves. 

Rey took her time in opening the small envelope, fighting the urge to rip it apart and read whatever it said without blinking or taking a breath. 

The note was folded in half neatly down the middle. His handwriting was inside, the same elegant loops and total precision. 

**_This is how it’s different, Rey._ **

**_-Ben_ **

She held the card up to her lips, pushing them against it not in a kiss but a moment of thought.

“Ben….” She said his name to herself in the quiet of the kitchen.

She liked saying it, how it sounded in the middle of the day in her apartment. How it would sound being called out over the sound of the kettle when dinner’s ready. 

“Ben?” She raised her voice, looking out into the living room where he would be in his favorite leather chair, feet propped up from a hard day at the office, a glass of brandy in one hand, the evening paper in the other.

“Ben, darling are you here?” A bit louder this time, still light and airy, using her favorite term of endearment for him. Now he would look up at her and smile, closing his paper and standing, drinking the last of his brandy and leaving the glass on the table by his chair for her to retrieve later. 

He would make his way to her, spinning her around the kitchen, telling her how good it smelled, whatever it was that she was making for him. 

She felt like swaying in the kitchen alone, dancing with herself, imagining Ben there, arms around her waist as she swatted him away with some song playing from the radio on the counter. 

Rey knew that he wasn’t really there, at least not at the moment. This was just one of the little ways she could have what she wanted anytime she wanted it. 

When she took a deep breath and read the card again, the room had stopped spinning and everything was still again. Everything was right side up, just where it should be. 

Rey stared down at the flowers until the edges of the petals blurred, the glass vase appearing watery. She wondered if her gaze was strong enough to shatter it, wondered if her emotions wielded that much power. 

There were so many things she felt standing alone in her kitchen. 

She took a step back to look at them from a distance, the afternoon sun bidding them farewell from the tiny window by the sink. 

Ben was all she thought of as she started her evening, getting ready for work, dressed for the end of summer in jeans and a t-shirt, scrunchies on her wrist, hair in a high ponytail, light makeup with probably too much lip gloss, low top Converse waiting by the door for her to slip them on. 

She practiced saying his full name out loud as she applied gloss,  _ Ben-ja-min _ , one syllable at a time. She thought of how she used to write her name attached to the last name of the boys she’d loved as a young girl, imagining some bright, beautiful future with them as wife and keeper of the house, all things that had only felt real to her in her own mind.

All the things a girl was supposed to dream of having. 

But Ben was real, not a boy who didn’t want her, not some name drawn on a piece of paper with hearts and flowers drawn round his name, shoved in some secret place inside a notebook or the back of her locker. No, he was all over her apartment, all over her body. His toothbrush took up a place above her sometimes-working sink, a pair of dress shoes sat at the bottom of her closet, the nicest, most expensive thing in there by far. 

Sometimes she opened her closet just to look at them, to remind herself they were there and that they belonged to him. Some piece of him he had left behind just for her. 

Rey turned around once, twice in her full length mirror before switching off the AC window unit. 

She left the comfort of home to venture out into the night of the City, a different kind of home, but comforting in its own way; all-consuming and distracting, the type of home she loved the most. With Ben’s note tucked safely in the back pocket of her jeans. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter. x 
> 
> Thank you to [Flybluejay](https://twitter.com/flybluejay_) as always. 
> 
> [](https://ibb.co/QHdsNXP)

**Abracadabra** ; Aramaic; _avra kehdabra_ ; Hebrew; _ab (father), ben (son)_ , _ruach acadosch (holy spirit)._

**_I create as I speak_ **

Grand Central was empty since it was a Saturday afternoon. The bars were without people, the hallowed hallways and high-rooftop ceiling in the Grand Hall seemed to echo with each footstep made. 

Rey was careful to stay a few steps behind Ben, having followed him out from the mouth of the subway to where he stood now, in front of the rented locker where he kept a change of clothes and shoes, a bottle of cologne, two packs of cigarettes inside. This was where the magic happened, where he could change in the times between before and after, where he would become one man in a gray suit to a man in a black suit just like that, no questions asked.

Rey watched from around the corner, body pressed tight and made small against the side of a wall as he shuffled things in and out of his leather bag, hoisting it over his shoulder at last, making his way to the train. She kept her distance, harder to conceal herself now without a crowd of people, the permanent shroud of invisibility she had become used to in the City suddenly gone.

She stood just outside the door to the tunnel where she observed Ben board, one long leg after another stepping inside. The train wasn’t headed where she thought it might, and she knew she would follow him regardless.

She bypassed one of the conductors, walking quickly down the platform now, stepping up and onto the train car she had seen Ben enter, the automatic doors closing right behind her.

The back of Ben’s head was visible above all towards the front of the car, carefully styled black waves, a long neck and wide shoulders overshadowing everyone else. She slid into a space near the back, grateful for the empty seat beside her, glad for a window seat.

The train stuttered and chugged to life, moving along the tracks and out of the station, emerging from the black tunnel to above ground, the feeling still exciting Rey. She wasn’t quite jaded enough to ignore the change in sensation moving from darkness to light in this way.

Rey blinked against the late summer sun, one hand over her brow as she looked out the window. Her sunglasses were in her purse but she didn’t want to take her eyes off the scene passing by to look for them. She would look up towards the front of the car to make sure Ben was still there, head still slightly bent as he read the paper.

The train rattled on, braking with a screech then rumbling forward again, taking them to the end of the line. Passengers came and went but Ben and Rey stayed.

Rey watched Ben get off of the train first, watched him collect his things before putting her purse over her shoulder and following him out and down the train steps to the platform, always staying a few steps behind. 

She was careful as she kept up with him around building corners, trying to make herself as small as possible but it never worked out that way. She had long legs and wide eyes. She knew people looked at her everywhere she went, especially men. Always men. 

She watched as Ben wandered around, not seeming to know where he was headed, but that couldn’t be true; he was never content to be lost. Ben always wanted to know the way he was headed and for what purpose. 

Rey watched and followed him as he headed towards the boardwalk, the end of the line for the train, the ocean greeting them both with high tide this time of day. The smell of hot dogs and roasted nuts filled her nostrils as she strolled along, even daring to do a small, carefree spin on the worn wooden boards beneath her feet. 

She blinked, looking ahead at the figure of Ben, knowing he felt the same, knowing it in the way he walked, in the way he held his shoulders, understanding the familiar sensation of craving escape and belonging.

He stopped for a moment and Rey hung back, watching, not moving. There was another man in a suit there, waiting for him, They walked and shook hands, both nodding, speaking to one another, Ben’s head lowered to hear him over the sounds of the ocean and arcades. 

There was a certain type of jealousy, a certain kind of curiosity that burned inside of her as she again witnessed this blatant display of something that did not involve her. 

She walked past them, hands shoved in the pockets of her light jacket, headed inside the arcade to the motionless carousel. She signaled to the attendant that she had cash for tickets and wanted to ride.

Rey sat atop a decadent zebra, it’s hair full of ribbons as the ride came to life, slow at first and picking up speed. She held onto the golden rod attached to the zebra’s head with both hands, her feet in the plastic stirrups. She was the only person on the ride. 

The ride came to life with a jerking motion. Each time around she saw Ben just outside the open windows to the arcade, still standing by the railing looking out at the ocean, talking to a stranger, at least he was a stranger to Rey. But then again so was this entire world that Ben kept secret from her. 

It wasn’t some grand confession she craved, only to be included, to be brought in somehow, not as an introduction to yet another man in yet another grey suit. Knowing where he was at all times, what he was doing and when. That would be enough for her. 

Just to know everything about him. 

Rey was dizzy by the time the merry-go-round came to a stand still. 

She looked over her shoulder to see Ben leaving, shaking hands and walking away from the man he’d been talking to, hands in his coat pockets. 

She quickly hopped off the ride, walking as fast as she could to the door and outside, doing her best to keep up with his brisk stride past the carnival rides and games. They both kicked up piles of trash as they walked past the dwindling Saturday late afternoon crowds. Soon the sun would be all the way down and the families and lovers would disperse, headed home to Long Island or somewhere else in Brooklyn. 

Rey liked Coney Island best that way, empty, or off-season. Just the junkies, the brave storefront and ride owners who kept things open year round for the locals who braved the cold and wanted half-price admission. 

Ben was headed away from the Boardwalk, walking quickly up a set of stairs and away from the beach until he was walking down a side street covered on each side in cheap motels with run down cars out front.

Rey followed behind, stopped to watch him from behind a light post across the street as he walked into the lobby of a bright pink, dingy motel, walking back out a few minutes later. He walked up the stairs facing the parking lot, letting himself into a room, closing the door behind him. 

Rey stood there watching, waiting for the curtains in the room to open or something to happen but nothing did.

The sun was gone now. The street light flickered on above, pale yellow light casting her shadow, tall and endless on the pavement beside where she stood. She looked at the hotel room where Ben was and noticed he had turned on a light inside. 

The air felt cool blowing off the ocean a few feet away. Rey shivered and wished she had brought a light jacket. She had always hated this in-between time when the seasons wouldn’t get along and held on for dear life until the next one. 

The light went out in the motel room and the door opened. 

Ben emerged, walking out of the room in the same clothes he’d been wearing before but his leather bag was gone, not bothering to bring it with him. The front of his tie blew up on one side of his face from the ocean air. He brushed it away mindlessly, down and in place where it belonged. 

She watched as he walked across the parking lot, looking around and on both sides of him before rounding the corner of the hotel and disappearing into the night. 

Rey made her way across the street, into the parking lot and up the stairs, standing in front of his hotel room, 1119. She tugged on the doorknob, letting herself in. 

The room looked as if it had been barely touched at all. The bed still made, the shower unused, the curtains still drawn. Nothing was out of place. You would never know anyone had been here at all except for the fact that Ben had left his leather bag on the bed as if he had set it down and forgotten all about it. 

Rey moved across the room, the space so quiet she could hear the _swish_ of her jeans as she moved to sit on the bed, the crinkle of the cheap bedspread loud as she sat down beside the bag. 

She looked at the bag, placing one hand on top to smooth over its velvet smooth sides and edges. She didn’t hesitate when she reached over and pulled the gold zipper back across the top and down each side, letting the contents spill out onto the bed. 

There were only a few items. 

Deodorant, a set of keys, an unopened pack of cigarettes, a checkbook. Rey flipped it open to the first check, seeing his full name for the first time, tossing it back on the bed after. 

She raked her fingers through the remaining items that were of far greater interest; the photos he had taken of her in her apartment spread like a fan across the dark green bed cover. There was a giant, bright lollipop and a bag of puffy, pink cotton candy he’d clearly purchased on the Boardwalk somehow without her noticing. 

The porn magazine was the last thing she saw, buried beneath everything else. She pulled it out, flipping it open to a random page, the centerfold unfolding right down the middle, the bottom of the paper landing atop her thighs. 

Rey stared at the woman in the picture for a long time. She looked nothing at all like Rey; she was tall, endless legs and blonde, with huge, fake breasts and a fake tan. She stood with her legs far apart, hands on her hips, looking powerful, wearing nothing at all except dark red lipstick. Her teeth were extra white and perfectly straight. 

She lay back on the bed holding the magazine up above her head to look at it in the dim light coming in from the bathroom. One hand wandered down to the button of her jeans, pulling up the bottom of her t-shirt on its way there, her eyes still on the smiling, naked woman above her. 

Her heart was racing, gaze hazy as she licked her lips, fingertips brushing up against her fine pubic hair, the soft skin of her belly. 

She took a deep breath, watching her own chest rise and fall beneath the pages of the magazine. A few drops of sweat were on her forehead and temples. She wished she had turned the air conditioner on when she came in. Her entire body felt like a furnace, burning her from the inside out. 

Rey was wet when her fingers reached her center. She took another deep breath, closing her eyes just before bolting upright, the magazine flying to the floor, its pages fluttering like a downed bird. 

_So, I’ll see you next week?...._

A cough. 

_Yeah, Yeah, sounds good._

Rey looked over and toward the sound of a faint voice, disembodied and familiar just outside the door. She made her way over to the window, pulling the corner of the curtain back just an inch so she could look out. 

Ben’s broad back was facing her, the lights from the parking lot lighting him on one side. His hair looked blue-black in the grimy light. Of course he ran a hand through it while standing there, talking to a man Rey couldn’t see. 

They exchanged more pleasantries, sharing a muffled, forced laugh before shaking hands and bidding one another goodbye. 

Men loved to worship other men, Rey thought. She wished Ben’s cigarettes weren’t so far away. 

She thought about lighting one and opening the door to join them. She could smoke his cigarettes right in front of him, interrupting his little business meeting without a second thought. See how he liked that. 

Instead she was frozen in place, back to the wall beside the window.

Keys jangled against the door, but it opened with ease, already unlocked. She could see Ben’s hand gripping the door knob, pushing it all the way open.

There was nowhere to go and nowhere in the room to hide. 

Rey let herself sit down carefully on the bed, palms touching the scratchy quilt again, all of Ben’s belongings around her like a circle prepared for ritual or sacrifice. 

He stood in the doorway, useless room keys hanging from the finger of his hand, blocking all of the light from the walkway. He looked even larger somehow, looming, surveying the entire room until his gaze finally landed on her, as if he was just noticing her. 

“Rey.” His voice was tattered from smoking and walking all day. 

She blinked, looking up at him, making no move to go anywhere at all. 

She cleared her throat, not breaking eye contact. “Ben.” 

Rey watched as he walked all the way into the room, closing the door softly behind him. He reached back to slide the lock into place without looking at it. He kept his eyes on her as he made his way further into the room, removing his coat, tossing it onto the back of the chair by the window. He didn’t look to see where it would land, he knew. 

He stood there still staring at her, loosening his deep grey tie.

Rey swallowed, watching everything he was doing. 

“What are you doing here, Rey?” 

His eyes moved from her ruddy, low-top Converse up to her undone jeans and rumpled shirt, one side hanging off her shoulder from where she had laid down on the bed with his magazine. He didn’t even seem to notice it lying on the floor at her feet, another smiling model exposed across its pages. 

His eyes eventually landed on her mouth, a quick glance up at her messy ponytail before studying her lips again. 

Rey licked them now, tasting her own banana flavored lip gloss.

“I came to see you, to find you,” she spoke quickly, quietly but never looked away from him. 

Ben nodded, running a hand across his chin, thumb catching on his lower lip. He left it there, his other fingers on his neck, thumb tugging his lip down as he stood there in thought. 

When he spoke his voice was jarring in its calmness, low and steady. 

“Have you been following me all day?” 

Rey nodded. 

“Have you been watching me?” 

Another nod, this time she watched as he removed his tie all the way, tossing it on top of his coat on the chair. 

“For how long?” 

Rey finally looked away from him, just for a moment to make sure she was still on the bed, still in this room. 

“Since you came to my ticket booth to see a movie.” 

Ben didn’t answer. Instead he walked across the room, past the bed in three long strides to flip on the TV. No sound came out of the box, just a fuzzy blue screen. 

Rey stared at it, wondering if it was even hooked up to anything. 

She looked away from the TV set, a faint buzzing sensation in her ears. She couldn’t tell if it was coming from the television or her own thoughts. She heard Ben moving elsewhere in the room, making some sort of rustling sound, but she didn’t look up to watch what he was doing. 

She was still sitting on the bed with Ben’s things everywhere, following his movements until he stood right in front of her. 

His legs were shoulder-width apart. He was looking down at her, unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt. 

“Stick out your tongue, Rey.” 

She did as she was asked, eyes wide, tongue stuck out as far as it could go. She looked up at Ben, watching his lips shake, not in full control of his face; how it was clear in the way he moved that he couldn’t really believe she was here. 

Ben pulled the lollipop off the bed, freeing it of its plastic shell with a single swipe around the base where the stick was. 

He placed the rainbow sucker in her mouth, flat on her tongue, rubbing it back and forth. He dipped the tip at the back of her throat causing her eyes to well up. She refused to blink or look away from his stare. She nearly gagged but she stopped just short of it. 

He left it there, resting at the base of her tongue, the sour-sweet coating melting and spreading across her taste buds, her cheeks sucking in at the sensation. 

He smiled, pleased. He was never embarrassed or shy. 

The room was warmer now, muggy. The late August evening cloaked everything with a heavy wetness that seemed to be plastered on each particle. A thin trail of sweat ran down the middle of the divet leading from Ben’s neck to the top of his chest. His big, gold watch stuck to his left wrist, not sliding down or moving even when he did. 

She kept the lollipop at the back of her throat, her eyes focused up on him. Her hands were in fists at her side. 

“I’m beginning to think you’re some sort of spy.” 

Rey watched his face as he spoke, twirling the sucker in her mouth so the other side could melt against her tongue. She took another deep breath through her nose. His own tongue darted out from the corner of his mouth, licking his lips in one smooth motion. 

He pulled the treat out to the very tip of her tongue, her mouth closing around it and sucking. His eyelids drooped, hovering low over his eyes at the sight. 

“Maybe that’s what you are...someone sent here to keep an eye on me. To keep me out of trouble.” He was whispering, one corner of his mouth turned up, playful, knowing. 

“Or destroy me.” 

Rey sucked harder at that, breaking the lollipop in half in her mouth. Her teeth and jaws worked the pieces down until she could swallow them, sweet shards cutting at tissue. 

Ben was biting his bottom lip when he pulled the empty stick away, tossing it on the nightstand. 

He stood a few steps back away from the bed, pulling his dress shirt from his pants, unbuttoning it the rest of the way before getting rid of it completely, no undershirt as usual. It landed on top of the magazine, covering the model’s face. 

Rey looked down at the invisible woman but not for long. Ben’s voice came at her soon enough, beckoning her back to him. 

There he stood, hand on his belt buckle. Her mouth still tasted sweet and sticky. 

“Help me.” It wasn’t a command but a petition for her attention, for her to touch him.

Rey looked at Ben’s hand that had not moved from its place. Naturally her own much smaller hands took its place, happy to assist him. She unfastened his belt buckle, undoing the button of his pants and tugging down the zipper. She’d only done this for him a few times but already it felt like second nature, muscle memory reserved just for him. 

She placed her hands at his hips and slipped his pants and briefs past his hips, bones jutting out just enough to let her know he was a thin man in his youth, just before the muscle and sinewy veins pushed the bones and clumsy, too-big joints aside. She leaned over, helping him step out of his shoes; no socks, no, not in this heat. 

Rey sat back on her hands, admiring him, not the first time she had been a witness to his naked body while she was sat clothed. Her feet swung back and forth as she admired him, as he let her. He was almost standing just like the woman in the magazine. 

“Maybe I am a spy,” she finally spoke. His entire body reacted, his dick somehow harder, his toes curled into the old, worn carpet below. 

“Maybe I’ll do both…” 

His lips parted, waiting for her to go on. 

“Maybe I’ll help you and destroy you.” 

He nodded, happy to be pieced together or burnt alive at her hands. 

Rey let him stand in the silence, watching her as she began to undress, pulling her top off first. She wore no bra, it was just another thing to make her hotter this time of year. She eased herself back on the bed, unfastening her jeans and tugging them down her legs. He helped her, pulling them off at the ankle and foot. She wore no underwear. 

His mouth opened at the sight but there was still work to be done.

She still had her Converse on. Rey put her feet up on his bare thighs, strong and wide enough to balance her as she lay back on her elbows, watching as he carefully untied one shoe and then the other, slipping them off her feet. She heard each one as it hit the floor with a soft thud. 

“Little Rey….” 

Only Ben could call her little and it would make her feel just the opposite; she could be proud and tall, daring to be the person that everyone in a room would notice, the one every woman wanted to be, the woman every man wanted to take home. 

His desire gave her so many things. Power was just one of them. 

Rey leaned forward to reach for him, her mouth ready for his cock but the room spun around like she was on the merry-go-round again. Only this time she wasn’t alone as Ben pulled her up under her arms, lifting her as if she were a child, sitting himself back against the noisy headboard. 

He pulled her in front of him between his legs that stretched out almost the entire length of the bed. His hands were on her stomach feeling her breathe. 

He wasn’t content until her legs were stretched out too, making her body as long as possible, her back against his chest. She curled her toes at the sight of their legs side by side, tan and pale on the cheap bed cover, his body big and warm against her shoulder blades. 

Rey felt herself relax, not caring if the world outside their hotel room continued to spin or not. This was their little make-believe paradise almost on the beach, just the two of them, the TV flickering off and on in the corner with a low hum. 

Ben’s breath was on her neck when he reached for one of her hands, bringing it right above the top of her pussy, pushing out her pointer and middle finger until they made a peace sign. 

“Can you pull it back for me? So I can see?” 

Rey nodded, pulling back skin with her two fingers to reveal her clit, swollen and red. She wasn’t embarrassed or shy either. 

His thumb brushed across it causing her entire body to quiver. This was only the beginning. 

Ben made a sound of approval behind her, one that vibrated up and down her spine, resting at the top of her ass and the bottom of her neck. 

“Have you ever…” his voice drifted off, as if he had disappeared but he was right there. 

Rey knew he was staring down at her pussy, watching his thumb rolling over it, watching, feeling her legs and spine quake.

“Have I what?” She did her best to keep her voice steady but even her vocal cords were tight as if he was choking her without touching her throat at all. 

“...Have you ever squirted?” 

Rey started to smile, lips cracking as if they’d never been used before. 

“Is that something you see in your movies?” She didn’t ask in jest but with genuine curiosity. 

Ben laughed, a rumble that cut clear through her body and touched her rib cage. “Maybe. But I know some women can’t. So I didn’t know…” 

“Help me,” Rey repeated his words from earlier. 

She felt his entire body shudder behind her, a noise escaping his throat. It was a whine dressed up as a groan. 

So help her he did, his fingers sliding through her folds, parting them as she held herself, still pulling back so he could see everything. He eased in two fingers, one right after the other, her body stretched out taut in front of him. She was so wet it barely made a sound at first, only when he pulled them out to go in again was there a squelch, a noise that made them both whimper. 

She’d never told him that just two of his fingers were wider than most men’s cocks who had been inside of her. But she would. 

Rey jutted her hips up, impatient. She was petulant and too proud for once. She wanted to show him she could do this. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he soothed her, mouthing at her ear, lips wet and tongue sloppy. She imagined his mouth looked like a greedy child set free in a candy store; red rimmed and sugary, big and excited. “We’re not going anywhere.” 

“No, we’re not,” she agreed through gritted teeth, determined. 

She felt him breathe in deep and out again. She did the same, mirroring the way his lungs and body moved in an effort to steady and ease her body into a state of calm and patience.

“Look at this,” he whispered. 

He reached over, fingers brushing the curve of her hip. He had picked something up off the bed to show her, putting the Polaroid directly in front of her face. 

It was a photo of her he had taken, lying on her bed, legs spread wide, three fingers tugging her lacy, pink underwear to the side with his other hand. Her pussy glistened in the dull flash of the camera. Her thighs tan, her lips bright pink, dilated, open for him. 

“Look at you,” he breathed. 

She matched each inhale and exhale of his while she looked at the photograph through heavy lidded eyes. He stroked her inside and out, dipping and swirling his long middle finger in her wetness. He would touch the tip of her clit with his soaked middle finger, just enough to send shock waves through her nerve endings before diving back inside of her again. 

“Is that how you see me?” She didn’t care how she sounded or what she said right now. She would have taken him any way he offered, believed any truth or confession he had to share. 

“Mmm hmm...beautiful isn’t it?” 

She nodded, teeth tugging on her lip. She was beautiful. He’d told her so many times. She knew it to be true. 

“This is what I see when I kiss your pussy.” He gave it the slightest slap now, his fingers wide and flat. 

Rey jumped, arching her back against him. She leaned back, resting her head on his shoulder. His collarbone jutted against the back of her skull. She allowed herself time to think while his hands roamed her body, part explorer, part owner, leaving the Polaroid on her stomach. 

Rey knew she was touching that part of him that always needed more, the part of him that was not content to just watch the movies. No, he wanted to be up there on the screen too, to be part of the action on his own terms.

Ben didn’t have delusions of grandeur, no. He knew he belonged wherever he wanted to be. 

And right now he wanted to be with her. He wanted to act out every fantasy that had ever crossed his mind and she wanted to indulge him. 

Another slap, a bit harder this time. 

Rey moaned, full and throaty, her head pushing back against his chest, heels scraping and digging into the bed cover. The cheap threads snagged on her toenails. Her eyes were doing their best to focus. 

“I’m right here,” he whispered against her temple, as if he knew she was floating above the bed, watching him coax something new from her body. 

She nodded, understanding, letting her muscles relax. All the blood she had to spare rushed to where his hand touched her inside and out. 

Another slap on her pussy, harder, a wet smack in the quiet room. 

Rey tensed, her stomach muscles tight, thighs shaking. 

“W-what are you...” She wanted to know the answer to this mystery, how to do this herself next time but it was too late. His fingers were deep in her, thumb pressing her clit as if he were releasing a dial tone only to pick it up again, listening for an answer. 

His own body was trembling behind her when she let out a sharp gasp, gushing all over his hand. Her eyes shut and opened again as she tried to keep herself afloat. She felt some of her cum spread across the fabric beneath them. 

“Ben.” The breath that left her body was swift and in short supply. He was holding her around the waist now, Poloroid falling to the floor beside the magazine; both forgotten, relics of sastified need. 

“Rey you did that, that was you…” His words were colored with shades of amazement, pride, reassurance. 

He sounded envious, Rey thought as she came down to land in his arms, letting him hold her up. His chin and jaw jutted out over the crown of her head, his body restless behind her. 

_He_ had done such a thing to her body, but _she_ would do it again and again without him. This was something he knew. This particular strain of pleasure was supposed to be a secret of his but she had snatched it from his hands, making it hers. 

His body was taut, hesitating even as he held her, his pride, both inflated and wounded, leaving traces of itself in the air around them. 

Rey grabbed both of his arms, marking the passing of time with the syncing of their breaths to remind him that she was still here, she was still his. 

“Never done that until you...” She said to remind him, to comfort him. 

Ben nodded behind her but it wasn’t enough. 

No, it was never enough for either of them. 

Rey sat up, turning around to face him on her knees. This way she was just a bit above him on the bed. She put her hands on his shoulders. 

He looked up at her, eyes wide, curious. 

“Come on then, give us a smile,” she coaxed, moving her hands down to his chest, her thumbs massaging the wall of muscle just beneath his collarbone. 

He softened just a bit, leaning into her touch, hands on top of hers. 

“Look at you,” she whispered. She’d spent the evening borrowing his words but he didn’t seem to care. There were some things he didn’t mind her taking from him. 

“ _We_ did that,” she reminded him gently. 

His hands moved to her hips. 

“And I’ll do it again.” He bypassed her encouragement completely, his grip tightening.

Rey was unmoved. 

She bent down to grab a handful of the soft, sticky cotton candy from the bag that was still on the bed. 

“Open.” She nodded down at him, holding the bits of sugar clouds just above his mouth. 

The room was so quiet she could hear his lips part as he obeyed. 

Rey nodded, slipping the treat onto his tongue. He stuck it all the way out for her, wide and flat, waiting. 

The fluffy candy melted and crystallized on his tongue as Rey watched. She grabbed another handful, biting off half for herself before feeding the rest to him.

“I’m right here,” she reminded him, hands in his hair, hands on his chest. 

He nodded, watching her lower herself down the front of his body. 

She dropped a trail of torn up cotton candy along his chest and stomach. It was her own cloying, neon breadcrumb path leading to an even sweeter ending; one where she would devour him. 

Ben’s gaze followed the path she made all the way down where it now snowed blue and pink puffs along his hip bones, just above his cock. 

“And I’m not going anywhere,” She said quietly. 

The last bits of cotton candy fell across the tops of his thighs, floating gently down to catch on the coarse black hairs scattered here and there. 

Rey bent down to retrieve the cotton candy with her lips and tonuge, hands stretched across his knees. 

She could hear Ben’s breath catch at the back of his throat when he realized what she was doing. 

Rey had eaten all the good things that led her here. Her mouth at the tip of his cock, hands rubbing his legs in a gentle way she knew they’d never been touched before. He always hid them behind pants as if he worried someone would see how pale they were, how he walked with his toes turned just slightly inward. But they were strong and beautiful legs and Rey was happy he showed them off around her.

She licked his thighs and stomach clean one last time before dipping her head down to take him in her mouth again. She smiled around the tip at the look on his face. 

His lips trembled, eyes burnt black at the center. His hands were reaching for her, her shoulders, the tip of her ponytail. 

But she was far away, taking him in her mouth over and over again, hands on his thighs keeping him in place. She felt them shake. It made her lips curve up inside her mouth, her throat was tight and full of his cock. She wanted to scream with joy. 

“ _R-Rey…_ ” He was stuttering. His big hands were on either side of her face. His thumbs massaged her jaw, knowing her muscles were working hard. 

Swallowing him whole was powerful. And she was good at it. She knew not every woman he’d been with could do this. 

Rey watched the upper half of his body lean back, shoulders hitting the shaky headboard. He pushed his hips up and fucked her mouth. Her ponytail was wrapped tight around his fist. The tip of his dick was firmly at the back of her throat. There was a thick, broken stream of drool that ran down his cock, pooling in his pubic hair. 

“Wanna open the curtains and let everyone see....” His voice was hoarse. She heard his toes crack as he flexed them below, struggling to stay still. 

Rey kept at it, knowing he would never pull her off of him. She knew that he was all talk. 

She pulled herself off his cock instead, licking her lips. 

She blinked up at him. “Is this how you want it? You can open the curtains, let everyone watch me swallow. Put your hand around my throat while I do it?” 

He was already shaking his head, refusing her and pulling her up under her arms. His dick was soaked with her spit which was then smeared all across her chest and stomach as he brought her up to him. 

“You _can’t_ , you can’t keep doing _this…_ ” His words were jumbled, falling apart and pressed together making no sense at all. 

His jagged teeth snared together as he snapped her body against his. She scrambled to sit herself on top of his cock, to split herself into two equal halves, giving him both. 

When she did, his head shot back, putting every vein in his neck on display. She wanted to reach up to touch or bite them but she let her body sink into his instead. 

She pressed her hands on his chest and rolled her hips until he cried out something that sounded like her name. 

“Fucking _killing_ me…” 

He was right. 

She had come to destroy him, making sure that no one would ever make him feel the way she was making him feel right now. 

He held her by the hips as she rode him until it felt her chest would cave in. 

Rey grabbed the headboard behind him with both hands, closing her eyes. 

_She saw the two of them up on the screen in the theater at work in the same hotel room they were in now. Rey sat on the bed with her top off. Ben stood at the foot of the bed, watching her, removing his tie. She was looking up at him, doing as he asked._

_They were on the TV in the hotel room now, the channel no longer blue and fuzzy. She watched as Ben met her on the Boardwalk with the sun setting behind them. He picked her up and swung her round and round, laughing behind his sunglasses while she laughed too._

“Open your eyes, Rey.” He could barely get the words out, but she heard him 

When she did, she saw his face, lean with lust. He was staring at her, jaw slack, trying not to come. 

He didn’t want this to end either. 

~ ~ ~ 

The first time that Ben had Rey in his bed he seemed determined to do all the things he’d ever thought about doing to her. As if somehow being in his space unlocked something in him he wasn’t aware was closed off and not accessible in the first place. 

_How could that be? What was out there that he could not have?_

After laying her across his sheets and examining her body for hours, needing proof she was really there, Rey woke in the middle of the night to Ben kissing her gently down her spine, broad lips leaving a soft sound on each vertebrae. 

She lay on her stomach, hands flat and relaxed by her face as she drifted in and out of light sleep. The tops of her feet were cool on his soft, white sheets. 

She knew where his path would lead. Rey let him go where he wanted, mouth brushing the bottom of her spine, kissing the steep curve that rose from her lower back to the top of her ass. 

Rey felt Ben lay his face cheek to cheek on her, murmuring, his hand rubbing, grabbing the other ass cheek in awe. 

“Could fall asleep right here…” his voice drifted off, hazy, falling in and out of sleep himself. She could feel his eyelashes moving along her skin, drowsy on the scent of her. 

When he shifted, kissing her again, tongue and lips moving until he reached the middle of her ass. He kissed her soft and slow, causing her back to arch for him, stomach coming off the bed, pulled by the unseen strings of his desire. 

“I’m sorry baby, I have to....” His voice was thick and pinched. He would never reach the end of her. 

Rey nodded. She understood. 

She stretched her body out as far as it could go like she always did when she was with him, sliding her arms beneath the plush pillow her head was on. She was tempted to bury her face in its softness the way Ben was doing to her now. 

He licked her clean, groans he sent flying through her body, both hands grasping at her thighs and hips. He took his time feasting, pulling her up and laying her down again, spreading her apart so he could see her better in the semi-darkness. 

“Rey…” He moved away just a bit. 

“Please…” He was already begging for some sort of forgiveness as he prodded into her with his finger, on his knees behind her. His thighs blanketed her on both sides, keeping her in place. 

Rey nodded again, the backs of her legs burning at the pressure inside. 

When his knuckles passed all the way through her tight channel, Ben made a noise that sounded like a wounded cry. His forehead slammed down onto her back, a line of sweat smeared across her shoulders. 

She knew he was watching as a second finger disappeared inside her, his chest heaving, barely able to hold himself upright. She could feel the bed quake with the effort of his one arm carrying the weight of his body, the weight of everything. 

“Please…” This time he said the word as if it could somehow give him more than he was already taking. 

All Rey could do was nod, giving him the permission he’d always had. She knew he wasn’t even sure what he was asking for anymore, if he was asking at all. Only that he couldn’t tolerate a single piece of her not being something he could have and keep. 

She opened her eyes as he sat up on his knees again, reaching for something in the drawer beside them.

He seemed to notice her cloudy gaze and he did his best to smile, the muscles in his face weak from holding back. He kissed her with full, wet lips that tasted and smelled like her. 

She stared at him, blinking slowly, like a newborn calf. 

“No one’s ever…” 

“I know, I know,” his words came out in a rush and now he was kissing her all over; her forehead, cheeks, mouth, chin, neck, shoulders. He kissed down the length of her arm until he reached her hand, her fingertips. He kissed each one.

But how could he help himself? Rey knew that he could never stop once he started anything. 

Rey could feel him at her back again, moving along her body. His chest was against her spine, his hands finding their way to her hips again. 

He grabbed her ass and spread it apart. Cold lube from the bottle he had grabbed worked its way down her ass. One large, blunt finger made thin swirls with the lube all over her skin, eventually pushing it inside of her. 

The sound made her toes curl. It caused Ben to huff and puff like an impatient, needy wolf who was ready to blow her house down. 

What a mess he didn’t mind making when it came to her. 

Rey smiled. 

She lay there thinking of Ben’s pristine suit jacket placed on the floor of a peep show booth just for her to kneel on. Thinking now as he played with every part of her body to his heart and cock’s content. How he was sloppy with his kisses and the lube; fingers and mouth everywhere, exploring. He was never in one place on her body for too long at this hour. He was an invader of already claimed land that he took from again and again. 

This was in stark contrast to mornings together at his apartment. 

Ben carefully timed the coffee, the eggs, the fruit removed from the refrigerator and sliced just so on her plate so that it was still cold when she came to breakfast from his bed. The way his bed was always carefully made only to be destroyed by them at a moment’s notice. His shoes were carefully in a line, some still in their original boxes in his closet. His collection of watches sat atop his dresser in their own box, faces upward and gleaming in the low light of the lamp beside his bed.

His nightstand held a stack of books that were always neat and in the exact order he currently planned on reading them. There was a book of poetry shoved between volumes of Presidential biographies, military history and books on the stock market. 

The only two things he was erratic about were his sleeping hours and Rey. All bets were off as to when he came and went and of course in regards to her. 

She took pleasure in this, knowing she was one of his self-imposed rules he didn’t mind breaking. 

Even now, as he positioned himself over her on his knees with the tip of his cock at her ass, she knew he was destroyed. She looked over her shoulder to see his mouth open, his hair standing up on all sides of his head, both hands on his dick leading it inside of her. He was doing his best to keep his focus and yet there was nothing else he could focus on but her. 

When he slipped the tip of his cock inside of her ass, the noise he made echoed off the walls of his bedroom. It traveled down the hall, out into the foyer, escaping out the windows on every side of the apartment. It was a low growl, a desperate scream, a pitiful yearning. 

Rey wanted to live inside of it forever. 

“It’s... _Rey I’m_ ….do you feel….?” 

All she did was nod, knowing he would have to take her bit by bit, knowing he would go slow until he got what they both wanted. 

She felt more lube poured onto her, more coating the top and sides of his dick. It no longer felt cool on her skin, it instantly became as hot as her. 

“I can't _believe_ this…” Ben attempted to speak but instead he made a choked sound, half of his cock inside her now. 

Rey felt a fine sheen on sweat on her forehead. It hurt and it burned, but the barrier had been broken and she was glad. The pleasure she knew this was giving him set her on a course she had no plans of straying from.

“All the way, all the way,” she repeated their mantra at him. Her voice was a breath on the pillow. She felt her eyes closing, giving in. 

She kicked her legs, heels at his back, jarring him out of his reverie. He pushed some more, squelching sounds filling the room alongside his groans, her whimpers. 

He began rubbing her lower back with his thumbs as if this could somehow smooth out the ripples he had caused inside her. 

_“Almost t-there... b-baby…”_ His voice was a stutter now, the core of his body broken and searching for a safe landing. 

Rey dared to lift her hips, tugging at the pillow, feeling him plunge all the way inside at her insistence, leaving him no choice but to disappear in her body. 

She felt when he lifted himself off the bed to stand on the mattress and bend over, cock still inside her. He put as much of his strength as she could take into her, the full weight of his body rising above her on the bed. 

Rey was fucked into the mattress, drool leaving her mouth and staining his perfectly white pillow case. She hoped it stayed there forever. 

“Ben, _Ben!_ ” She called out, screamed his name, chanted the single syllable over and over again until he couldn’t stand it any longer. 

Rey felt it when he filled her, heard the noises it made, felt it when his entire body dropped on top of hers. His knees hit the mattress with such force she worried the bed would collapse to the floor. 

Instead everything remained as is, even the two of them, as if their bodies were built for this amount of power drawn from the other. 

Ben shook on top of her, letting himself soften inside of her ass. The tips of his hair dripped sweat onto her shoulders and neck. 

“I’m with you….” Was the last thing he said before falling on his side onto the bed and bringing her with him. 

He curled on his side, knees tucked at the tops of her thighs. His arms were flung beneath and on top of her. She wouldn’t dare leave his embrace. 

A shudder of breath let her know he was still awake. He licked his lips and swallowed, pressing his mouth to the back of her head. She could feel him blinking against her hair. 

She took a deep breath and reached back to kiss his cheek, his jaw. Both were dented with tiny chicken pox scars and age. 

The room was quiet except for the sound of their breathing, except for the car horns from the traffic outside his window. 

They were someplace else, together. Just like always. 

~ ~ ~ 

The rain made a pitter-patter noise on the windows of Rey’s apartment. Soft jazz had been playing on the radio in the kitchen for hours, the ashtray beside it full of discarded cigarette filters, sucked to death with a ring of greasy lip gloss around the tip of each one. 

No lights were on in any of the rooms, but Rey had lit a few candles that she spaced around her on the floor, one in the window to give the apartment a warm, welcoming glow to anyone passing by outside. 

Now the radio was silent, the rain her only musical accompaniment as she dabbed the last bit of dark red lipstick across her bottom lip. She puckered her freshly painted mouth at the dirty mirror that sat on the floor beside her, offering her reflection a seductive kiss. When she pulled back to take another look at herself, she was quietly pleased with what she found.

Yes, this was right. 

The black, v-neck, faux leather jumpsuit fit her perfectly, a sharp V cut slashed right down the center of her body. It pushed the sides of her breasts together and stopped just above her navel. Her hair was longer now and placed into two sloppy pigtails, dark blue ribbons holding each one in place on her head. She wore her favorite gold chain which dipped down into her slight cleavage, cool against her warm skin. A solid black, velvet ribbon doubled as a make-shift choker around her neck on top of the necklace. 

Her face was adorned with more make-up than she’d ever worn before, eyelids heavy with thick, black eyeshadow and even darker eyeliner. It wasn’t so much a smoky look as smoggy, polluted, as if she’d forgotten to wipe soot from her eyes. 

Her cheeks were rosy with pink-orange blush. Clip-on, fake diamond earrings dangled from each ear, oversized and gaudy like little chandeliers. For now she was barefoot, her toe-nails painted black as she sat cross-legged on the hardwood floor, smearing rose hip oil on her wrists and neck. 

The glass of red wine beside her was still mostly full. She didn’t want to mess up her lipstick by taking a sip. At least not right now. 

She gave herself one final look over in the mirror before easing her back against the pillow she had propped against the wall. She was right under the window where the air was a bit cooler. The rain sounded like it was coming down directly onto her head now. Summer was saying goodbye. 

The telephone had been pulled from its place on the table near the foyer over to where she sat, stretching the cord as far as it could go. 

Rey could hear the dial tone as soon as she lifted the receiver from its cradle, bright red fingernails dialing the number she knew by heart, round and round on the rotary. She watched it spin each time, back to zero between each number until finally it started to ring. 

_Hello?_

Rey sat back against the pillow and smiled. 

“Hello?” 

He knew it was her. Who else could it be at this hour, at this number? But sometimes they liked to pretend they were still strangers. 

_You…._

The one word was low and full of mirth. A pleased chuckle followed. 

Rey felt warm down to her toes. She wrapped the cord around two of her fingers. 

“Yes, it’s me…” 

She stretched her legs out in front of her, admiring the way they looked in the tight black material, stretched taut over her thighs and calves, caging her in. 

_To what do I owe the pleasure...._

This was Ben. Precise and formal, assuming no one ever saw the cracks. Figuring the messy parts he imagined were so well concealed that Rey could see from a mile away. Other times it seemed he didn’t care at all how he came across or what anyone thought of him.

Rey still wondered what that type of freedom felt like. Maybe she always would. 

_What other people think of me is none of my business_ , he had said casually to her in the backseat of his car more than once while straightening his silk tie or adjusting his solid gold cufflinks. Rey wondered if he could see the irony. 

Still, she wanted nothing less than all of him. 

She hummed softly now. “The pleasure is all mine....” 

Another soft chuckle. She knew he was pacing whatever room he was in, phone at his hip, carrying it with him as he walked in circles. Maybe he was watching the rain too. 

This went on for several moments, the back and forth flirtations, the quiet whispers and muffled laughter of make-believe. Rey always felt giddy during these types of phone calls. They always gave her something to look forward to, something to anticipate. 

She looked at her reflection in the mirror again as she spoke. 

“I’m going to take a picture of myself now,” she announced. She had interrupted his train of thought that he’d been speaking out loud to her, filled with murmurings and praise just for her. 

“Okay,” he whispered, his mouth close to the phone. 

Rey reached for the Polaroid camera with her other hand. It was sitting on the floor beside the mirror where they’d last left it. She knew there was film in it. 

“I’ll be right back.” 

“Okay,” he said again, this time with a certain urgency in his voice. There was a little twinge there revealing his impatience that he couldn’t see whatever it was she was doing. 

Rey put the receiver down on the floor, holding the camera up to face herself. She held it with both hands, raising and then lowering it to capture as much of her body as she could before pressing the button. 

A flash, a whirring sound and out popped the photo. Rey caught it in her hand before placing it on the floor to finish developing without looking at it. 

Ben was still waiting on the line as she stood now. She loaded the camera again with another roll of film from the night stand she’d managed to drag home from the sidewalk a few blocks away. Rey was fond of collecting things no one else had any use for. 

She held the camera up to face the mirror, taking in her entire body through the viewfinder. 

She was a messy fusion of dominatrix, pin-up doll and little girl.

Everything every man could ever want all wrapped up in one woman. 

Rey looked at herself through the camera lens for a long time, holding the flash override button to avoid the glare off the mirror. She pressed the shutter button to take the photo without it. 

The picture came out grainy, not great quality but she could see herself and that’s all that mattered. 

Rey bent down to pick up the receiver again. She glanced at the photo on the floor that was fully developed now. She was smirking in it. 

“Alright, I’m here.” She was breathless as if she’d run a mile, thrilled there would always be a record of this moment. There was proof she had once looked this way, had once felt this way. 

“I missed you. Where did you go?” Ben’s voice was softer. He sounded needy, curious. 

Rey smiled, lipstick dotting the receiver. 

“To take the picture, like I said.” 

A cough as he turned away from the phone and then, “Is the picture for me?” 

Rey looked at herself in the mirror again, all dolled up in her Manhattan studio that actually had hot water most of the time, on the phone with a man like Ben. The rain was falling harder now, louder outside her window.

She reached for her pack of cigarettes, taking her time to light one, shaking the match free of its flame. She stared at her reflection without blinking. 

Her head was tilted back, blowing smoke at the ceiling. 

“No, it isn’t. It’s for me.” 

She could hear Ben smile. This was a man not used to _maybe’s_ let alone _no’s_ but he let her say just that and more or less, whatever her heart desired. 

He wanted nothing less than all of her. 

When his words came, they were quiet but intentional. They were sincere and meant only for her. 

“It’s all for you.” 

Rey closed her eyes. 

She felt as if she was swaying far above the ground. Or she was looking down at water, clear blue and still. Maybe she was peeking out from between the clouds.

“Will I get to see what you look like right now even if I never see the picture?” 

Ben’s words brought her back to this world, placing her gently on the soil, on the broken sidewalk, on the hardwood floor of her apartment. 

Rey decided she could stay right where she was, letting the sun kiss her face as it waited patiently for the Earth to make its journey around. All the constellations could fit in the palm of her hand. 

“Of course. I’ll be right here.” 

Ben was smiling into the phone, gathering his things. Rey heard the sound of keys scraping the surface of his desk. 

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” 

Rey nodded. She looked out the window already expecting him to be there for some reason.

“Okay.” 

There was a pause, not too short and not too long where neither of them said a word until Ben spoke first. 

“Alright. Goodbye, love.” 

Rey held the receiver until the line clicked and went dead, never answering him. She looked at the phone in her hand for a minute, then at the photos on the floor she had taken of herself, scooting them closer to her with her toes. 

She lifted the needle on the record player she had dragged over to where she sat on the floor, hearing the slight scratch before dropping it gently into place. 

The song she loved best seemed to start midway through, a quick piano note and then Nina’s voice began. Rey loved this album. She wanted to hear it as she imagined Ben on his way to her. She would have it playing as he pulled up, waiting for her. 

She lit another cigarette and dialed Ben’s number again, this time carefully, slowly, as if she feared getting the digits wrong or backwards and a stranger answering. 

It rang and rang but there was no answer. He was already gone. The sound of his voice on the answering machine clicked over. She took a deep breath, finally taking a drink from her wine glass. 

_Hello. You’ve reached the answering machine of Benjamin R. Solo. Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Please be sure to leave your name and phone number. Thanks._

There was a long beep. Rey began speaking, not letting herself pause or stop or hang up. 

“Hi Ben. This is Rey. You’re on your way right now to see me, probably stuck in traffic and not at all happy about it.” 

Another deep breath. 

“Why I’m calling is that….what I want to tell you is that I know who you are. I’ve watched you for months now...in Midtown, in Hell’s Kitchen, downtown too of course. I’ve walked behind you in all of those places, to the docks and piers and fish markets where you watched trucks be loaded and unloaded. One time I think you might have seen me and I liked that.” 

She swallowed. 

“I liked that a lot. What I mean when I say I know who you are is...I don’t mean I know what you _do_. I don’t care about that. I figure you’re some sort of loan shark or you bet on fights. Maybe you own a restaurant because you seem to know a lot of people in the City.” 

A long pause. Rey took another sip of her wine, another drag of her cigarette, taking her time. 

She turned up the music so he could hear it in the background on the answering machine. She wanted him to know it was meant for him. The song echoed all through her apartment, the strings on the piano vibrated against the speakers, holding on for dear life to each note. 

“I feel like I’ve known who you are since that day you arrived at the ticket booth to see a movie that you never told me about. There were just too many other things to talk about that night I guess.” 

A beat.

“I know that you’re just like me, only older and you’re a man. When I was following you around it wasn’t to spy on you. It was to be with you. But I guess you probably already know that.” 

Another pull on her cigarette. She felt her chest expand, bravery planting its roots in her rib cage. 

“And I know I could have that anyway, anytime I wanted. I know you.” She nodded to herself as she smoked endlessly. 

“Yes, I know you, Benjamin Solo. As much as any woman can know a man. Which is to say, completely.” 

She waited, as if expecting an answer. A laugh or perhaps a smirk, but never a hint of disagreement from him. Not about this. Not about them. 

“But the truth is, I know more about you than you know about me.” 

A long, shaky breath. Another cigarette was lit. 

“What you don’t know is that I love you.And not just because you asked me to say I do or pretend. No... what you don’t know is that I’ve been waiting for you. Not just someone _like_ you, but _you_. Just you, for a long, long time. But I thought that only existed in movies or romance novels. Maybe in pornos too.” 

Rey laughed, covering her face now, feeling silly and giddy, relieved all in a single heartbeat. 

“You know what I mean. I know you do.” 

She cleared her throat. 

“And I know that you love me too. I know that more than I know anything else. And maybe it doesn’t look how love is supposed to look….whatever that means.” 

She finished her glass of wine. She was near the end of what she wanted to say. 

“Anyway, Benjamin R. Solo. Here we are. And that’s all there is.” 

One last breath in and out. She ran her hands up and down the smooth material covering her legs, staring at the photos on the floor as she spoke. 

“It’s just us now. I'll see you soon.” 

There was no pause this time as she finished the message. 

“Goodbye, my love.” 

Rey lay the receiver back down carefully in its cradle as the song ended. She listened to the applause from the audience on the record, pretending it was just for her. She basked in the stolen praise. 

She stood to look out the window, hands on hips, her wine and cigarettes long gone. She watched as Ben’s car rounded the corner and stopped in front of her building, leaving the lights on so she could see the rain coming down even harder in their glow. 

Rey slid into a pair of heels, tossing her pigtails over each shoulder. She slipped on a long black coat and reapplied her lipstick in the mirror one last time. 

She left the photos and the empty wine glass on the floor, next to the now silent record player. All of the candles were blown out one by one, casting her apartment in darkness. 

When she made her way downstairs and looked inside the car, there was Ben, not in the back seat but behind the wheel, still wearing a suit, his hands big and pale against the black leather.

She had never seen him drive before, only be carried from place to place like the royalty he was. 

He lifted a finger from the wheel to get her attention before reaching across the seat to open the passenger’s side door for her. There was take out in plastic bags in the floorboard, the smell of fried rice wafting out and hitting her nose instantly. 

“Rey…” 

She stood still, staring at the food and then at him, gripping her umbrella with both hands. 

“Ben.” 

They had to shout to hear one another over the rain. 

“I bought us dinner,” Ben called out, still holding the door open, the interior of his car getting soaked. 

Rey nodded, finally pulling her umbrella shut, one foot in the car, then her whole body as she closed the door, shutting out the fury and sound of the rain. 

Ben was smiling; hand on the wheel, one hand on her leg. His fingers gripped at the faux leather, once, twice before he leaned over smelling like aftershave and Marlboro Lights to kiss her. 

Rey inhaled all of him, his tongue inside her mouth, his hand still on her thigh. 

She glanced at his sleeve. He had smoked on the way there, rolling down the window just enough. There were tiny droplets of rain on his jacket, on the cuff of his dress shirt. 

Ben pulled away only to bury his nose in her neck, smelling her too, a soft _mmm_ leaving his lips against her skin. 

“You’re really here,” he murmured. His hand was on her hip now, pulling her closer. 

He let the car run, rain pelting the windshield as the outside world became foggy and hazy, eventually disappearing. 

FIN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song playing in Rey's apartment is Nina's Simone's The Twelfth of Never from her Live at Carnegie Hall album.  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/2JDRlVi84IOSByL7gcgNer?si=293a6c511beb476c


End file.
